I'm kind of over the traveling, but it's billable work. I'm getting sick of clients who cancel engagements at the last minute (one the day before work was supposed to start) and those that screw around and decide on Friday afternoon that I have to absolutely be at their place on Monday morning.
I sometimes think clients don't understand how hard it is to be a consultant. My biggest pet peeves:
- You've known for a few months that I'm coming to town, and you made ridiculous requests about the amount of work you want me to get done. But when I get to your place you have no time to spend with me. Really, I love staying up until 1 in the morning looking at your jacked up spreadsheets of data trying to figure out what the fuck to do so I don't get dinged for not finishing a deliverable.
- Oh, you didn't realize I need a desk to work at? Where the fuck do you think I'm going to put my computer? You thought I would love balancing my laptop at the end of your desk between pictures of your kids and dog? No, that doesn't work for me.
- So your office is locked down like Fort Knox. If my movements are going to be restricted tell me before I get there. Yeah, I smoke. Shoot me. I don't think it's unreasonable that I can leave your building at least once during the course of a day to have some peace and quiet. You think it's inconvenient for you to escort me? Try being me.
- If your building doesn't have a cafeteria or a close by place with food tell me before I get there. It's not so much fun to have to go the whole day without eating.
- All that noise in the conference room is not conducive to me being able to write code. I can block out most noise. But give me a few hours of quiet to work.
- I know I'm not the typical consultant. But that doesn't mean I want to have sex with you or spend hours eating dinner with you while you drop hints about how your marriage sucks and you haven't gotten laid in years. Not my problem. I'm at your site to work. I'm not there to entertain you. I have other clients to deal with in the evening. Except on a rare occasion I don't want to eat dinner with you. Or lunch for that matter. That's an hour of time that's precious on a short engagement, and being able to work through lunch means I'm not going to have to work until 11 at night in my hotel room.
- If because of security I can't get on the internet think of a better way to get data to me than email. If we can't exchange stuff using a USB drive email me stuff while I'm at the hotel. No, I don't want to drive over to starbucks and waste 45 minutes of my day receiving emails from you because you can't get files to me any other way. And if you send me to starbucks don't freak out that the huge file you sent me takes 20 minutes to download because I'm using free (i.e. shitty) wifi.
- If you know I have to leave to catch a plane don't bring up a major issue as I'm packing up. It's always the clients that make me miss my plane that end up bitching about the $150 fee to schedule a new flight.
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