Ellington, my octopus

Recently I've decided I really like octopi. I've liked them for a long time, but now I like them even more.

If I had to be friends with any sea creature, it would definitely be an octopus, hopefully one named Ellington. Octopi are the smartest of all the non-vertebrae creatures. They're always doing bad things at the aquarium like causing floods in aquariums (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090227/ap_on_fe_st/odd_octopus_flood), hiding in lunch boxes (http://www.wsoctv.com/news/18868489/detail.html) and throwing rocks (http://current.com/items/89593010/octopus_gone_wild.htm).

Because octopi are nocturnal, I could stay up with Ellington all night drinking, and at 2 in the morning he would make us some snacks. Ellington would be able to cook really fast because he has 8 arms so he could chop up four vegetables at the same time and make stir fry in seconds. Then he would probably get really drunk and start laughing and spray ink all over my couch. Normally I would get mad but in that case I would just sigh and say "Ellington, I think that's enough shiraz for you". And he would get all melodramatic and say "I'm so sorry I ruined your couch. Here, cut my arm off!" because he knows he can grow a new one. I might even have to tell him to not say that in bars when we would go out drinking. I would be like "Ellington, girls really DON'T think it's cool when you cut your arm off. They think it's gross."

Because the only hard part of Ellington is his beak I could get him to dust under my sofa because he would fit under there. Also, he would probably enjoy shopping for flip flops as much as I do, and we could both buy four pairs and then I wouldn't look like an excessive flip flop shopper. If we went out with friends I could send him to the bar and he could carry all of our drinks back without spilling them.

Ellington would play pranks on people at work that would make me laugh. My favorite would be if he went up to any one I didn't like and then acted like he was picking lint off their face. But really he would be making a suction mark with his suckers on their face.

He wouldn't like sharks as much as I do. He would probably be like "what's so GREAT about great whites, anyway?" Then he'd say "Why can't you like a nice sea creature like a star fish? Why do you have to like the bad ones? You know that great white is only going to hurt you. Oh sure, he's mister popular and all. But do you really think he's a nice guy? He seems a little sinister to me, frankly." And then I would give him a hug because he would just be saying that out of jealousy. And then he would make me lemon cupcakes. and some mussels for himself, and we would watch season 2 of abfab, and he would be so smart he could translate the French bits for me and he would get the Gaultier jokes.