the three Fs

At Bachtoberfest I started talking to a woman named Claire, mostly, to be honest, because she said she wanted to set me up with her son, a Marine Colonel currently serving in Iraq. Yum. But then she told me he's married to, as she described his wife, "a ding dong" that she was hoping her son would divorce upon return from Iraq (enter me, stage left, according to her plan).

I told her I wasn't interested in her little scheme, and then we started making fun of men (at a party where we were served 4 types of german wieners, it was hard to not chuckle every time we saw a guy), and discussing our bad behavior with them over the summer. She told me that she had a procedure for men, which she called "the three Fs": find him, fuck him, forget him.

Claire, I should mention, is 72 but looks 42. She was married, had three kids, drop kicked her husband, and has followed the three Fs since. I can't help but think she's right. As a woman, if you have a job and don't need a man for anything other than sex, why invest all the energy and money into a real relationship? You know the asspipe you're with is going to fuck someone else sooner or later. Wouldn't it be nice to have not wasted your resources on him?

A movie I watched recently, Romance and Cigarettes, had a line along this theme. Susan Sarandon finds out her husband is cheating on her and during an argument screams at him "It's just a hole!" Since the movie was written by a man I thought the line was very profound. That's the difference between men and women. When a man is fucking you, you are just a hole. For women (again, as in the movie) it's hard to think that way when you're having sex (for the record, I don't actually think the movie was about a guy who cheats on his wife - it was about a guy dying of lung cancer - oops, spoiler - and I think that's why there was an emphasis on "the hole", as in smoking even though you know it will kill you and maybe that's the equivalent of cheating on your spouse, which, now that I think about it, should somehow be a theme in the book I'm no longer writing, but with climbing instead of smoking...hm...I digress).

Likely women feel differently because, if you aren't careful, nine months after something goes in something comes back out. Men don't ever have to understand that or feel responsible for their actions once they have sex. This is why there are mis-understandings between the sexes that can never be resolved. I know people stay together, happy or unhappy, for reasons that usually don't make any sense, but can be boiled down to a feeling of security for the woman and a feeling of dependence on the part of the man. Yawn.

And they call it love.