hostess cupcake

This morning, at 8 am, while I was mulling over my plans for my day off from the festival (gondola ride and a hike) I received an email asking if I could be a hostess for an author event this afternoon. I immediate said yes, and imagined myself grandly meeting guests as they entered the event, yelling at waiters "bring more canapes!" and having everyone tell me "thanks for inviting me to your party, your theater is so beautiful" to which I would reply "yes, we like it".

Turns out being a hostess here isn't the same as being a hostess in, for example, an Alfred Hitchcock movie. I had to rip tickets, check tickets, direct people to the washroom, deal with one corybantic author who wanted to make sure all her relatives distant and close got into the event for free and felt the best way to do that was to scream at me while trying to put post it notes that listed their names on my badge. I also had to keep people from slamming doors, and shush the annoying people who left their cell phones on. My favorite person was a woman who unplugged camera equipment so she could plug her iBook in and type loudly during one poor author's presentation.

My favorite presentation was by this guy who tracks megafish. Those are fresh water fish that get really big. There was one carp thing that weighed 500 lbs. I also learned that there are freshwater sting rays. The author, Zeb Hogan, showed a video of himself getting drunk with Malaysian fishermen in an attempt to get them to respect him so they would listen to him and stop killing all the megafish. After doing many shots he had to play cards with the fishermen, and he commented that he wasn't sure if he was winning or losing, only that the fishermen kept punching him. The next scene shows him in the early morning after the drunkfest, standing in the rain in water up to his knees, looking like he was dead. Funny.

I also bought four books on accident (well, it's better than shoes). I'm hoping that when I repack my suitcase everything fits...I also managed to squeeze in a 25 minute shopping trip at the Gap to get clothes for monday since I'm not going to have time to go home before my consulting engagement starts. It was a great experience. I walked in, explained to this girl that I needed professional clothes to wear for next week, and asked her to put together some outfits for me while I answered some work emails on my crackberry because I hate shopping. She did make me try everything on before she would let me buy the clothes, but what she picked out was perfect. It turns out she is the niece of the guy who runs the Banff Centre, and she said she would shop for me anytime. I would actually fly her to Denver so I would never have to shop again. She is going to track down some shoes for me to try on tomorrow in between my work schedule, which is going to be very busy.

Tonight I go see Tabin and Topher Donahue talk about...something. The book awards are tonight too. I might try to crash that party by using my publisher's name in vain, or maybe R from last night can sneak me in. I keep getting invited in to stuff, I think because I'm the only one in this town that smiles and talks to people. Most of the female staff at the BC run around like world war 3 has started and they keep yelling at people, especially me, because I do things like let some little old dude into a talk even though he can't find his ticket. They even fucked with Jim Donini for not having his ticket last night for the party I worked. Really...