Once I was riding the subway from Old Town Alexandria to DC with a work colleague. This was back in 1992. Her name escapes me at the moment, I think it might have been Arlene; in any case she was hands down the WORST systems engineer I have ever dealt with.
Anyway, it was around 10 am on I think it was a Wednesday, and we were prepping for a briefing when the train stopped and this homeless looking guy got on. The car was empty except for us and the homeless guy. At that point I was able to ignore homeless people, but apparently he was making, fine, let's call her Arlene, uncomfortable. I was trying to make sure she was prepared for our upcoming briefing, which involved asking congress for money, a lot of money actually, but she kept staring at the guy instead of paying attention to me. For fuck's sake, I remember thinking. Then I looked at the guy too.
He had a stack of porno magazines in his lap. He was holding a straight edge razor in his hand. Flipping through the magazines, he would stop when he came to a picture of a woman with her breasts exposed. He would then use the straight edge razor to, shall we say, extract the breasts from the page. And no, for all you engineers out there, he didn't check the other side of the page to see if there were better breasts, leading one to assume he must have had a liberal arts degree.
After extracting the breasts, he would take the piece of paper containing the breasts and fold it up into tinier and tinier pieces. When he could no longer fold the breasts into smaller squares he would put the folded paper into his mouth, chew it, and swallow.
He got off at the same metro stop we did. The stop happened to be the stop for tourists going to the white house. Coincidence? I report, you decide...
for more stories about my fun with homeless people, check out my blog about the dead guy in denver and the Italian guy who gave me the full monty in London
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