from a creature great to a creature small (and annoying)

On Saturday I was working in my back yard and some crack head fucking squirrel went into my garage. It took me forever to get him out and he was scaring me because he was running around on the garage beams right above my head and I didn't want it to jump on me and bite me causing me to have to get rabies shots.

Then last night I got home from work to find a mess in my garage. Things were knocked over, paper was shredded, and my favorite spray bottle was on the floor. At first I thought someone had broken into my garage.

I realized, after seeing some wiring that was chewed all to shit that was hanging out of a plastic storage container on a high shelf that it was a squirrel. I was like "that's fucking great" and I took the broom and started poking around at the stuff on my shelves and the dark space behind the shelves. I was pretty pissed because it was late, I was tired, and I wanted to work out, not look for a squirrel.

I left the door open, went into my house, changed, and went back out to the garage. I figured in the 10 minutes that had elapsed the stupid squirrel would have left my garage. I pulled the container with the chewed up wires down so I could clean up what ever mess was in it. I would mention I had shaken the container three times before pulling it down.

Right as the container was sliding off the shelf a fucking squirrel jumped out. It was headed towards my face so I looked down and it landed on my head. Then it scampered off to hide behind a plastic wardrobe where I keep my skis and stuff.

I didn't want to drive to Ace hardware to get a cage to trap it so I texted my dad. He first suggested I get Bentley to take care of the squirrel, and then suggested I use the hose to scare the squirrel out of hiding. I hooked up the hose and sprayed the crap out of every conceivable squirrel hiding place.

I didn't see the squirrel leave but this morning there was no more garage destruction. So I guess it's gone. Meanwhile, this weekend I'm cleaning the garage out and reconfiguring it so squirrels have nowhere to hide.

Fucking squirrels. I hate you.