don't try to buy a hammer if you have a facial injury

On Saturday night I returned home around 9 pm after a 6 hour cleaning session at a friend's house (yes, my friends invite me over to clean their houses - your point is?). I was going to brush my teeth so I opened my medicine cabinet, which has a metal mirror door. I should also mention that it opens lefty side (much to the chagrin of my contractor who thinks I should have my new medicine cabinet open right side - maybe he has a point about that).

Anyway, my toothbrush, which flashes a smiley face at me when I've brushed for 2 minutes, needed a recharge, so I reached into my vanity cabinet to get the charger out.

That's when I discovered I had a leak in the pipe under the sink. I tightened the plastic, what ever it's called, thing that holds the pipe to the sink, and then pulled out a basket of lotions and soap I have that were mired in water.

As I stood up with the basket my forehead made contact with the edge of the mirror. I wasn't sure what happened at first because I felt no pain. There was, however, horror movie style blood gushing everywhere.

I hit the mirror hard enough that pieces of the mirror, which broke at the edge, are still coming out of the wound.

Sunday I had to go to home depot to buy a sledge hammer because I'm going to fix my fence, which was broken when my neighbor's tree fell on it, with this product called fence mender. Installation requires a sledge hammer.

There was a this hammer, that hammer, all kinds of hammers, but nothing that said "sledge hammer". A sales guy who must have noticed my bewildered expression inquired if I needed help. I was like "yeah, I'm looking for a sledge hammer".

He pulled something called an engineer's hammer (engineers are so awesome) and said "this would probably work for you". Then he must have interpreted the confused look on my face (I was thinking "but why wouldn't they say in the directions I needed an engineer's hammer instead of a sledge hammer?????") as doubt because he said "Well, we have bigger sledge hammers in gardening."

Then, looking at the still bleeding cut on my forehead:

"But, probably you should buy something smaller."

Fucking what ever.

My friend whose house I cleaned, who on Sunday found my wound amusing, suggested I use my "special jew healing powers" to heal the huge bloody knot on my forehead.

Worked. It's getting better.

Now I just look like a half ass Manson follower rather than someone with a huge bloody lump on the forehead.

In conclusion, I need my fucking bathroom redone like yesterday.