we don't need no stinking pants

Well, I almost royally fucked up my first day on my new job.

I got in late last night (flight was delayed an hour - I know - shock!). And I guess I'm more burned out than I realized. I swear I packed my suitcase on Saturday. I distinctly remember putting my just ironed clothes in.

I woke up this morning at 530 and read in bed for a while. I finally got up and showered. No rush, didn't have to be in the office until 845. At 8 am I decided to get dressed and discovered I had forgotten to pack pants.

Awesome. I tried on a dress to see if I could pull it off at work - no way. Fully panicked, I pulled up the internet (which is slow as fuck) and checked out the nearest Target (only store with clothes that I could think of that would be open at that hour). Literally 10 minutes crawled by while I waited for the "store locator" to return something.

Luckily there is a Target 2 miles from my hotel. I rushed there, driving like a pakistani taxi driver, ran in, and within 5 minutes had a sort of passable pair of khakis. The staff, who weren't busy because I was the only one in the store, was laughing hysterically as I explained my predicament and ran around with me trying to find pants. The ones I bought are a size too big, and totally unflattering, but at least they're pants. No one seemed to notice my poor outfit.

I made it to the office on time, shockingly. Had a hell of a rush of a day, was taken out to dinner by the VP I work for and the rest of the team joined (they all honestly seemed happy to work with me). I'm pretty sure I aced my first day, down to the most important question, when the VP asked what kind of wine I like and I said "Red, and anything but a merlot." She also asked about my impressions for the first day and I rattled off a summary of what I think I need to do the rest of the week. She looked at me for a minute, and I thought I had said something totally crazy. Then she said "Everyone else usually comments on the onboarding process, or how complicated things are, or how they're pissed they didn't get their computer first thing. I've never gotten a status report before." But I could tell she was glad.

I just got home, thinking "I'll chill out in my hotel room and relax".

Only to discover I had forgotten to pack more than one shirt. Fer fuck's sake. Dammit.

No more shopping for me. I'm going to wear my travel shirt and hope no one notices. I've already wasted $33 on a pair of pants that don't fit me.

And next week, when I'm back out here again, I will strive to do better. In all the years I've been traveling I've never fucked up so bad with my packing...