pizza joke

It was great to see Barry (dude has his own wikipedia page!) last night. I haven't seen him since we were artists in residence in the Banff writing program. I remember being terrified of him until he started making fart jokes. We ended up assigned in offices next to one another. I never got a damn thing written when Barry was around.

We'd agree to meet at the offices at 8 am. Barry was always lugging around a big bag of slides. I would work for about 15 minutes before he would interrupt me to come look at cool slides. Then he would try to get me to show him one of my tattoos or a scar. Then he would pretend he was going to let me work. Then he would come into my office and eat some of my smarties (new jersey, not UK).

We'd take a smoke break and he'd smoke one of my gauloise cigarettes even though he doesn't smoke. We'd go back into the office and he would say he was hungry and we would go to the cafeteria to get something to eat. He always ran into someone he knew. Before I realized it, it would be afternoon and I'd have to cram 6 hours of writing into 1.

He just got a book deal with Patagonia, but he has to finish writing his book by the fall. He's a little nervous about that. Which I can understand. I finished my book 2 years after the deadline I was supposed to meet to get published. He was feeding me shit about being the only person in the Banff program that failed to get published. Ech.

So I fed him shit about his recent knee problems. He's not sure what's wrong with his right knee but it had a lot of fluid in it when I looked at it. Hopefully it's not a meniscal tear. He's going to e-introduce me to a friend of his in New Zealand that just got a new kind of mechanical knee. Apparently she does all the shit she used to do before the surgery. I'd hate to give up my zombie knee for a fake knee unless the fake knee would allow me to run without pain.

We went to an italian restaurant for dinner. He ate the biggest vegetable salad ever and then a special that had clams in it. It was like clams and vegetables, which looked as weird as it sounds. I ate half my salad and some raviolis which I couldn't finish. He ate the rolls, which I called "penis rolls" because they looked really phallic. The waiter said "I can tell you're from out of town because you're sunburned". Love that Calgary weather. Though the sun was out today.

Barry's going to help me make some vids to promote my book if it ever comes out. Which will be fun, insane, and potentially R-rated if he takes me climbing on some scary shit. He got to work on the new Jason Bourne movie and we were laughing about that. Barry is hardly Hollywood.

Joke of the night:

What's the difference between a professional climber and an extra large pizza?

An extra large pizza can feed a family of four.