the perverted yeti

I spent the past 3 days at my company’s software conference . My suit got a lot of compliments, and I called Nordstrom’s so I could send Jessica a thank you gift certificate from Starbucks, but she quit! Wonder what’s up with that.

I spent most of my time with the European contingent of my company as the US consultants were kind of boring. The first night of the conference I stayed up almost all night talking about geeky architecture stuff, and only got 3 hours of sleep. I was exhausted after I finished my presentations so I was going to skip the evening’s entertainment to get some sleep.

But the euros talked me into going to this park at Disney called the wild kingdom. At first I didn’t want to go because I thought there might be snakes there. But really it was a roller coaster park with a tropical theme. Though the guys I was with would, without warning yelled “OH MY GOD! A SNAKE!” just to see me panic.

I’ll call the guys I was hanging out with W, X, Y, and Z. They are all senior management types (i.e. they don’t do any work hee hee). They proceeded to get drunk as soon as we got to the park and then they started behaving badly, but in the most fucking hilarious way.

First we went on this roller coaster called Everest. I was riding with X, and he grabbed my hand as we went through the part of the roller coaster where they take your picture. So I had a stupid look on my face in the picture and X was clinging to me like a scared little kid. I laughed my ass off.

Then we stopped so they could get ice cream. X and Y, completely separate of each other, got these frozen bananas with chocolate. I was crying I was laughing so hard watching them eating them. They also got these spray on tattoos. Y got this cartoon character and he kept saying to me “Have you seen my woodie?” before lifting his sleeve to show me his tattoo. Then Z was telling me a story and he turned around and accidentally, somehow, grabbed this woman’s tits. I choked on my wine.

It started raining so we went on this water ride and got utterly soaked. Then we went on this dinosaur ride. I was riding again with X. As we passed this scary dinosaur I yelled “Oh my god! A clitosaurus!” So then X yelled “A vaginasaurus!” at the next dinosaur. Y thought up the funniest one but I can’t remember what it was. He also said “Oh look, a wankosaurus, hiding behind a bush!” The ride was so fun that we stayed on it. As we were taking off again X yelled “Did you see the vaginasaurus?” to the people who were working the ride.

We decided to go on the Everest ride again. This time, I was riding with Z. We were at the end of the ride, where there’s a film of an outline of a yeti, which rips up this rail road track he’s standing on. This time, I noticed that the ripped up track looks like a penis. Then the yeti sits on it! I was like I can’t believe that!

So I told everyone but no one else had noticed. We went on the ride again, and X was with me. He saw the penis immediately after I pointed it out to him. Then I went again with Y. He was laughing his ass off. Then X and Y went to get more tattoos. Z and I went on the ride again, and Z yelled “I see the helmet!” when he saw the penis. And then a bunch of consultants in the front of the train held up their middle fingers when the camera took a picture of us going down the last hill. We got off the ride and the picture was flashed huge on this screen they had set up to show all the pictures taken.

We finally got back to the hotel and sat in the bar until around 2 or 3 am. By then I was so tired I was laughing at everything they did. I laughed so hard last night that my stomach still hurts. I got up at 8 this morning for a client interview. Yikes.

I wonder if our company will be invited back next year.