almost death by chocolate

I took time off today from running around like a maniac getting ready for my last minute trip to Seoul to go to the grocery. My parents are coming into town on Thursday (I won't be there, I'll be in Korea) and I had to get some food as the only thing in my house, pre-trip, that was edible was 6 bags of edamame, a box of cereal, and some month old feta cheese.

I was in one of the middle aisles looking for snacks to take on the plane with me. I normally only shop on the periphery of the grocery store, but this trip I had to go down some aisles to get the stuff my parents want. Anyway, I was leaning over to look at the biggest bag of Haribo gummi bears I've ever seen, when the bill of my cap hit what turned out to be a precariously balanced shelf of M&Ms. One of the bags slipped off, and like lemmings, the others followed. One bag hit me in the face and another hit my shoulder. I threw up my hand to try to stop the slide and accidentally hit a bag on the shelf above, and that shelf avalanched too.

I tried to get out of the way but one of the bags had broken open so I slipped on the pile of M&Ms that had come out of the bag. That caused me to step on another bag that also burst open. I tried to get away from that bag and tripped over a bag of peanut M&Ms. It broke open too. Every time I moved it seemed another bag would wedge itself between my foot and my flip flops.

The guy who had been stocking shelves at the end of the aisle came running over. I was going to try to run away but I was buried in M&Ms. He said something to me in spanish that I'm quite sure I'm glad I couldn't translate.

We put as many bags back on the shelf as we could (note: never buy M&Ms at the Safeway in five points) and then he wandered off muttering epithets at me. Hopefully he was going to get a broom. I almost fell again as I tried to push my cart out of the M&M mess. The whole time I was walking through the grocery M&Ms kept falling out of my cart and onto the floor. It was mortifying.

And then I got yelled at for going into the express lane. I tried to point out to the woman that there was no sign indicating it was the express lane, but she yelled at me "THE SIGN IS RIGHT THERE!", pointing to a sign that was one check out lane over.

And anyway, I only had 12 items. And the express lane is 15 items or less.

I will never, ever go grocery shopping again.