The "unofficial" King George, VA Zoo

Never heard of King George, VA? That's not too shocking. The town has about 200 residents, most of whom are stray dogs. My "hotel" also is the town's trailer park, grocery, and, I am not making this up, grave yard. The closest restaurant is The King of Pizza (having had it, I would postulate that is an exaggeration unless they are referring to just this county).

To entertain myself, which has not been easy since there's no gym and the only place to walk is in the graveyard, or down the side of Rt 301, I have created a little zoo that I like to visit every day. It's unofficial, but fun, if you ever find yourself in King George VA:

First, walk past the rusted Mercedes with no wheels, and past the grills laying in the grass, to the office, which is actually just a room with lock boxes that contain room keys. When you check into the hotel you have to call a special number and a guy reads you the combo and then takes hits off his bong while you try to open the lock box, saying things like "yeah dude, just turn it slow". Around the door to this office you will find Dusty Cat, a species of cat known for giving off clouds of dust when it fluffs its tail and runs away from you. Besides dust, this species can be identified by its singular ear.

Walk down the drive way onto the highway. As you walk in the gravel break down lane you will encounter the bush bees, bees that collect together in a swarm on a bush. They only leave the bush to chase people like you who are walking by.

A half mile from the bush bees is the electri-dog. The electri-dog has an electric collar, and lives in a trailer park habitat. It is known for lunging furiously at visitors to the zoo and then falling on the ground and wiping its face with its paws as it gets the shit shocked out of it.

Empty pig is the next animal on our tour. Empty pig is a big white pig on top of Crazy Ray's Ribs, which may or may not be closed, it's hard to tell.

Finally, as you cross the highway and head back to the hotel, look for the venemous black strap snake laying on the side of the highway. It looks like a snake, though in reality it's really just a strap that was blowing around from the air currents generated by all the trucks. But, it could have been a snake.

Finally, encounter that truck babboon, hanging out the window and cat calling as you pick your way up the Woodside Inn driveway.

Thanks for visiting the zoo. Please don't feed the animals.