Italian Sausage

So I arrived in London this morning, or last night, depending on how you look at it, and needless to say I was a bit tired. The woman who sat next to me on the plane spent the entire 9 hours trying to get meto accept Jesus as my personal savior after she realized I was getting a kosher dinner (which, BTW, meant I got chocolate mousse for dessert, whereas she got this little biscuit that was broken in three pieces, hardly supporting her argument that my life would be better as a non-kosher meal consuming passenger).

Anyway, to get to London I took the Heathrow Express because the hotel I'm staying in is in Paddington. I got on the train at terminal 4 and mycar was empty. I stowed my luggage and took the one seat facing forward since I get motion sick sitting backward. The train stopped at terminal 1,2,3 and this older (60ish) Italian man got on. I knew he wasItalian not just because he was wearing a blue blazer with brown wool pants that had a huge burgundy pinstripe, but also because he was talking to himself in Italian. He took a seat on a bench diagonal from my seat and he proceeded to stare intently at me. A few more people got on the train but sat away from us. Great, I get to sit with the psycho guy or risk throwing up, I thought to myself.

As we neared London the man got up and started fumbling with his belt. I was ignoring him and looking out the window, so he moved right into my line of sight. And there he was giving me the full monty. I was so tired that I don't thinkmy facial expression changed at all, and it was taxing my brain to try to figure out what was going on. I even thought maybe I had fallen asleep and was dreaming. Then the guy tucked himself back in to his pinstripe pants, sat back down, and continued talking to himself. We rode the rest of the way toPaddington in what I would call an awkward silence. I don't know if that's a common occurrence on the train or not. It seemed a little bizarre to me, even knowing that euros are not as uptight about nudity as Americans. If anyone can think of a good one liner to deal with this situation in the future send it my way...

So, my favorite one liner was from Montes. He said I should have pointed at his Italian sausage and said “Hey, I have one of those!” Another favorite suggestion was “Hey, that looks like a penis, but smaller”. From Ron C:“You need to get out in the sun more”. And from Joshy, a comment about ordering fish and chips, not the full monty (ha ha). I will be ready with my camera next time I brave the Heathrow Express...