when snake dreams become reality

Today I decided to have some fun, since I am technically on vacation. I drove down to Roxborough and bought a new park pass and hit the trails.

First, I would like to say huge kudos to Roxborough for the amazing trail work they've done over the past year. I hiked the Elk Meadow trail for the first time in years because it's finally been cleared of overhanging vegetation.

I of course avoid overhanging vegetation on trails because you know who hangs out in vegetation? Snakes. And then you can't see them and then they bite your ass and you die.

Today I was a little more paranoid than normal on my hikes (I did three trails). My snake sense was up and that usually means I'm going to see a snake. I don't know how I can sense them but I do. Anyway, my hike up carpenter's peak went something like this:

Oh fuck, a snake!
No wait, it's just a weird rock.
AAAAAHHHHH, but that's a snake!!!!!
Oops, actually it's just a stick.
SNAKE IN THE UNDERBRUSH!!!!
Um, I mean, a bird.  They're descendents of snakes so I'm not an idiot for being confused.

And then as I was coming down carpenter's peak I saw what I thought was a strip of neon green fabric on the trail. That's odd, I thought to myself.

And then the fabric moved.

at first it just looked at me like "what you gonna do biotch? you might be bigger than me but you can't get past me because I'm taking up the whole trail. hahahaha! let's see what heart rate your fitbit is registering now because you're afraid of me. hahahahahahaha!!!!!!"

and then it looked at me in a menacing way

The snake was EXACTLY like a snake I dreamed about 5 years ago, when I thought I had cured my snake phobia, down to the unnatural neon green color. That freaked me out even more because in my dream it was the most poisonous snake in the world.

At first I tried to rationalize with the snake. "Look," I said, "you're screwing up my work out stats because I'm just standing here not moving and it's been like 2 minutes already. And you didn't pay to use this trail but I did. So kindly step aside and let me pass."

When that didn't work I jumped on the ground to make it seem like a big animal was coming to eat the snake. That only made the snake rear its head up higher.

Then I decided to get a rock and gently roll it toward the snake to scare it. I had to walk about 20 feet down the trail and the only rock I could find was square-ish. I was pretty sure I would not be able to roll it but figured I could toss it near the snake and if I accidentally hit the snake, well, tough shit. So I walked back to the snake and said "I have this rock and I will use it to scare you, and I don't want to hit you, but I am the most uncoordinated person on the planet so if it hits you it's your fault because right now, frankly, you are being an unreasonable asshole."

Surprisingly, the snake bent around, head to tail, and then slithered into the bushes.

I was going to run the rest of the way to the visitor center but didn't want to give the snake the satisfaction.

The funniest part of the story is that when I got to the visitor center, wanting to inquire there about the snake, I found the park ranger desk empty and a lobby full of senior citizens. I asked if any of them knew anything about snakes. They all wanted to see my snake pictures. Then a bunch of them asked me to email the pics to them so they could show grand children and what not. They all were impressed how bright the snake was and one woman told me I had had a marvelous experience. I was momentarily the rock star at Roxborough.

The ranger finally returned and said it was a green racer snake and that it's so bright because all the snakes have been shedding and how lucky I was to see it right after it had shed so I could see its true color.

After 20 minutes I managed to extract myself from the seniors' group and got on my way.

I would also mention as a side note that I really wanted to go to Roxborough yesterday but had a feeling of uneasiness and decided to get all my chores done instead. There was a rattlesnake on the trail yesterday.