Saturday - The Greatest Redneck Slip and Slide

First, I would like to thank the fucking asshole who stole my credit card number and bought a bunch of shit at Bed, Bath, and Beyond in california. I'm sure what ever you bought sucks. Luckily I have a great bank and they were able to take care of the problem without me having to do anything but answer a text message.

And that was the start of what proved to be an interesting weekend. Yesterday I had to get seeds so FH agreed to go with me to the nursery. Then we went to the farmer's market and he got a bunch of vegetables for cooking and I bought nectarines because you don't have to cook them to eat them.

When we were dropping the vegetables off at his house we decided, since it was the first day in a long time this summer that didn't look like rain, to go for a ride in his Ural side car. We took Mr. Nuts with us because he loves the side car.

luckily, dogs aren't allowed to get driver's licenses

Then we met some of FH's friends at an event in my neighborhood called the big wonderful which is describes as a "food flea market" but was like going to someone's huge backyard for a party. As things were winding down there we went to dada art bar and ended up in a restaurant in the same building but I'm not sure it was part of the dad art bar or not. As copious drinks were consumed, and I iced my jaw, Captain Hook, a friend of FH's, got a text from a friend of his named Kenny G that he had just been invited to a party in the middle of bum fuck nowhere and that there was a huge slip and slide at the party that should not be missed.

Some conversation ensued among 6 of us about going to the party. It was out past the airport. It was around 10 pm. The directions were along the lines of "take this road, and when you see a grain truck, turn on that road, and then drive until you can find a parking space". We didn't even know whose party it was.

So of course we decided to go. FH and I went back to my house, picked up some towels and Mr. Nuts, and then picked up Captain Hook and his girlfriend. Another couple followed us. And Captain Hook had invited more friends.

In any case, we found the party, and they were not lying about the slip and slide.

a golf cart with a dinosaur head on it took riders up to the top of the slip and slide because, in the words of one of the slip and slide builders, "that's too far to walk"

a guy at the bottom would turn on a hose to get the water flowing and another guy driving an ATV was at the bottom of the pool with a rope attached to the back of the ATV - the riders hold a tether and the ATV pulls them at speeds up to 45 MPH down the slip and slide and into the pool at the bottom

these baby carriages were for hauling beer around the party, and yes, those are deflated pool toys in the, um, pool at the bottom of the slip and slide

a broken boat was turned into a bar at the bottom of the pool - the dj was really good - the horse trough right behind the pool was a true redneck hot tub, they heated it up with fire

the guys preparing to haul riders down the slip and slide

I really wanted to go down the slip and slide but since I just had surgery on my jaw and since FH was there I decided not to. Captain Hook, FH, and Kenny G decided to go down together. Captain Hook, who's kind of spindly because he only eats gummi bears, decided to ride in front. Kenny G, who played football in college and is not a small man, decided to go last, naked. FH was sandwiched between the two of them.

As they came tearing down the slip and slide it seemed like they were having fun. The problem is Captain Hook didn't let go of the tether until they had almost hit the pool, meaning they were going VERY fast. I saw Captain Hook fly into the pool as a giant wave splashed towards the slip and slide. I saw Kenny G's bare ass as he face planted in the pool. I could not see FH at all.

Finally FH surfaced from the mud and water. He ended up getting crushed by Kenny G and was having problems walking this morning. They all said it was fun, but terrifying, and that they couldn't see anything as they were going down because of the muddy water on the slip and slide.

Around 1 am I was freezing (I know, 2 August, and it had to have been in the low 60s at most, colder in the wind) so FH, Captain Hook, his girlfriend, and I headed back to Denver.

And FH promised next year (they only have the slip and slide for one day, for the party) I could go down the slip and slide as long as I'm not recovering from surgery.

I decided to take it easy today, clean my car, and make stuffed peppers for dinner. Hopefully they will be edible.