bedouin eyes

I am possibly the worst person ever.

So, the day that Ireland and I went to see Petra we met two guys in the 3 kings gift shop. They stopped us on our way in and gave us some tea (called bedouin whisky). Then they flirted with us. We just thought they were really bored. Bill Clinton had been to the shop when he went to Petra and they showed us pictures they took with him, which were pretty cool.

Then, on our way out, we stopped by the shop again so I could by some souvenirs for my sister's kids. The one guy Rhodie was waiting outside the shop for us. They gave us tea and sheesha for Ireland. They wanted us to meet them for dinner and drinks that night. But we wanted to go to the cave bar, which is the oldest bar in the world (2,000 years old) so we told them to meet us there.

Salame, the guy who liked Ireland, met us at the bar but said Rhodie couldn't come in because they don't allow the locals to be in the bar. He asked us if we wanted to go into the mountains. We were like why not, even though it probably seems unsafe that we were going off to the mountains with some guys we had just met.

We started driving, and driving, and driving more. We were way up on this mountain outside Petra. I was getting a little nervous. I was sitting in the front seat with Rhodie and I was like dude, where the hell are we going? He said "just wait, it's a surprise". I was thinking please don't let it be a surprise where I end up kidnapped or something.

We got to this very large boulder that had a door carved into the front of it. The wind was blowing really hard and it was freezing. Rhodie said "Come see this!" I got out of the car with him and we went into the boulder. There was a little room carved into the rock. He had put candles all over the room and put carpets on the ground. I was like hm, what is going on here?

He handed me a Petra beer. I cracked it open and took a swig. Then he said "I want to talk to you." I was like okay, what's up? He said "Ever since you came into my shop and I met you I have been thinking of you. I am in love with you." I was momentarily stunned. Then I said "Dude, give me a break. You get a million beautiful women coming through your shop. You're only saying that because I actually hung out with you, where as most of the other tourists know you are just doing your tourist thing."

Rhodie looked very agitated and upset. I didn't know what to do so I lit a cigarette and drank some more beer. He grabbed my arm suddenly, almost spilling my beer, and said "NO! I am in love with you! I will go where ever you go! It was fate that you came into my shop!"

I didn't know what to say, and, looking at him, I was under the impression that he did at least lust after me. I tried to think of something good to say but ended up blurting out "We can never be together!" He was like "Why????" and I said, hee, I know, it's horrible "Because I'm dying of cancer!"

Well, I did have cancer and could have died from it. Might still die from it.

He looked angry so I made myself start crying. I said "If you don't believe me, ask Ireland!" I was hoping, after I backed her stories every time we were in a bar, that she would be able to do the same for me. Rhodie marched me back to the car and demanded Ireland go into the cave with him. I gave her a look and hoped she could roll with my story.

Ireland did more than roll with it. She made herself cry hysterically. Then she said "I don't want to talk about it anymore (sniff sniff)". Meanwhile, I was sitting in the car with Salame, who was in love with Ireland. He said "she told me she had a boyfriend" and luckily I told the same lie about her boyfriend that she told him. Then I got out of the car and climbed up on a big boulder to look at the sky. There were a million stars out and I saw a few shooting stars. I finished my beer.

Rhodie came over to me after talking to Ireland and said "I believe you. I am sorry you are dying". I said "that's okay". Then he said "I like your shoes." I said "Thanks". He said "Can you buy me a pair just like them? But in blue not pink." I looked at him, not sure if he was joking. He said "I wear size 43."

Then we got into the car to go back to the hotel. There was a sad mood in the car because I was dying of cancer. They recommended some bedouin treatments, including camel milk. Yuck.

Finally Rhodie put on a CD that he had been waiting to play. It was Bryan Adams everything I do I do it for you or what ever the name of that song is. Ireland and I started laughing hysterically and didn't stop until we got to the hotel. Before I got out of the car Rhodie grabbed my hand and said "I love you. Do you remember my shoe size?" I said "Yes, 43, blue shoes."

Then Ireland, the bitch, sent a text message to Rhodie (he had given me his phone number and email). It said "thanks for a great evening!" and she signed it "Franki and Ireland". He thought it was from me, and so he responded with a text that said "Am I dreaming? I've found love and it's as a star's light so far, and yet so bright. I see you as an angel so please don't fly away rest your wings awhile, my love and promise me you'll stay. not for a while but for forever, I dream of us together. I wonder, are you real? or just another one of my crazy dreams. If you are my dream then I wish to dream more cuz your smile, makes my heart beat, like it never has before. These stars, should all belong to you, so i offer you my love but will that do? I've found love but will he(sic) stay long? love could be weak. but I dream that, ours will be strong. I love you my love and I am always going to do it,please never forget it my love! (sic)"

Ireland started texting him back, and he sent even more texts like the one above. I let Ireland write what ever she wanted and just ignored the responses even though she found them funny.

The last one, which came last night, said "I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves washed it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and forever it will stay. Kisses xxx" Ireland forwarded it to me, and so I sent her a text back that said "Tell him "I wrote your name on a Patchi chocolate, but then I ate the chocolate. The chocolate went into my stomach, and will be gone in a day. Forever in the sewage of Abu Dhabi it will stay."

Ech. Even when I leave the country and go on vacation the crazy guys still find me.