european skirmish

Last night I went out with Ireland (never again on a week day will that happen though - I got home at 1 am and woke up this morning at 430 feeling like I had a concussion) and met a friend of her's, M, who is in charge of this big football event thing that is going on in Abu Dhabi. M and I hit it off right away and I told her I would be a volunteer at the event (it's fifo, or something like that, all these soccer teams from all over the world playing in a world cup). She said I get to be security because I have nice arms, and if I have time to do it, will be guarding the soccer players. Ireland was offered a position doing data entry. Hee.

This morning I was planning to sit at my desk all day and draw diagrams quietly, in the hopes my head would feel better. But, a fight broke out between the french and scottish guys I share an office with. One of the french guys used an electric tea kettle belonging to one of the scots. The scot got really mad (though, in the entire time I've been here, I've never once seen him use the kettle, and it's sitting on a communal table) and said some rather inflammatory things about french people in general.

So the french guys started making fun of the scots because for some reason they all wear really squeaky shoes. It's so annoying. You can hear them coming when they are still miles away. One french guy said something about wanting to know where the scots buy their shoes so he would never be seen in such a cheap and horrible place. Then the scot said something about french guys' wives hanging out in cheap and horrible places, but the reference was no longer about shoes.

My old nemesis frog said "darling, your hair makes you look like the incredible hulk" (I admit, I'm the one who first noticed that, and told the frog). The scot, who really does look like the incredible hulk, was so pissed I thought he was going to punch the frog. Then all the scots moved their stuff to one side of the room and kept saying "death to french people". Then the french guys responded by insulting the manhood of the scots. Because of where my desk is, I was literally smack in the middle of this insanity.

Then an englishman joined in on the scots side, so the french kept saying to him "Oh, cook my beef. You are too unsophisticated to eat it raw." More insults to each other's wives and sexual prowess. I should mention, these are MEN, all around my age, or older. And though it comes across here as joking, it was actually quite tense. And it was making it VERY hard for me to get any work done.

Finally one of the french guys took my lighter off my desk because he was going to set fire to something on a scot's desk, since the scots had decamped to the conference room to complain more about the french. I'd had enough, and when the scots came back to find a smoldering paper on the incredible hulk's desk, at which point they threatened to kill the french by means that I don't think would have been physically possible, I stood up and yelled "If you (explicative deleted) guys don't (explicative deleted) sit the (explicative deleted) down and do some (explicative deleted) work instead of (explicative deleted) running your (explicative deleted) mouths, I am (explicative deleted) going to (explicative deleted) scream !" Though, at that point, I think I was kind of screaming. Absolute silence descended. I stomped out of the room to take a breather because, even though I wasn't even part of the skirmish, I felt like punching someone.

While I was standing outside trying to not scream, the two muslim men who had been in the room came out. I apologized to them because I had used profanity. This caused one of them to get a big smile on his face. He said "You know, when you first got here, you were so nice and trying to be gentle. Everyone thought you were afraid of us. Now we see you, and we are afraid of you. No one will ever wish for you to be their wife again."

Then he shook my hand and said "(explicative deleted) europeans".

We could have our own reality show here.