The List

My perfect man qualifications:

• A good climber and who excels at other sports
• Older than me and established (i.e. not living out of his car)
• Owns a custom made pair of cowboy boots and understands shoes
• Can socialize across the spectrum
• Has a good set of friends
• Writes well and reads a lot
• Has a great music collection of stuff I haven't heard yet
• Has a background in the sciences and likes to talk about math and physics just in case I want to talk about, for example, small number theory or strange attractors
• Has good business sense
• Is not a water sign
• Is above average height
• Has a large dog or would get a large dog and name it Heshy the Knuckles because I've always wanted a dog called Heshy the Knuckles
• Can cook
• Eats sushi a lot
• Knows something about wine and will drink wine with me
• Will hold my hand in public
• Is not obsessed with porn
• Knows who the Little Prince is
• Has traveled extensively
• Has had one traumatic injury from which he's recovered
• Can do currency calculations so when we travel we don't get ripped off changing money
• Owns a tux and wears it at least once a year
• Has above average intelligence and an above average sense of humor
• Doesn't have to wear anything to correct his vision
• Has some interesting scars, especially on his hands
• Doesn't have any tattoos, but has his ear pierced
• Is not afraid of the water
• Does something for his community or gives money to charities
• Speaks at least one other language besides English
• Has an advanced degree but not a PhD
• Has the same taste in films as I do and doesn't make me watch shit movies (Transformers comes to mind)
• Writes romantic notes to me and sends me postcards
• Believes in recycling and rides his bike
• Will not sandbag me on a climb or if we are skiing
• Plays at least one musical instrument
• Has at least some Romanian blood
• Tells the long version of a story rather than the short version
• Only gossips with me
• Doesn't have kids or any weird drama with an ex
• Self effacing
• Can identify trees and birds
• Would take care of me if I were sick or injured and wouldn't complain or expect me to have sex with him until I was better
• Owns a Toyota truck
• Drinks yerba mate and coffee but doesn't put sugar in his coffee
• Has great teeth, which he brushes and flosses regularly
• Gives me records even though I don't have a record player
• Likes John Coltrane and going to listen to music
• Is a good photographer
• Wears flip flops when ever possible
• Is not financially irresponsible
• Has lips like Mick Jagger or Keith Richards
• Has an imperfect rib cage
• Doesn't get headaches or whine about being tired
• Knows how to shave with a straight edge razor
• Is president of at least one thing
• Is not easily intimidated

If you happen to find this creature, please send him to me ASAP...