Ameriki Attica - Hellenic MOD

Based on the time I spent living in Athens, Greece...I had a newsletter that I used to send out. I was working as a contractor with the Hellenic Ministry of Defense.

Visiting the Greek Pentagon
As many of you may or may not know, Greece also has a Pentagon. The editor of this outstanding source of news had the opportunity to visit it this past week with her boss, Demitrius, to discuss contract requirements with the Navy.
D: This is the Greek pentagon. Just like the states, right?
F: Well, this building is actually square. And it’s a little smaller.
D: It used to be a stable and housed many horses, cows, and pigs. It was redone in 1980.
F: It’s changed so much. Now it contains military guys instead of pigs.
D: The parking lot can hold 500 cars. This is bigger than the Pentagon in the states.
F: Not exactly. In fact, this entire compound is smaller than one parking lot in the real Pentagon.
D: This pentagon is the real one. We copied exactly the Americans.
F: Well, it is very close, except for the size, shape, internal structure, and lack of computer equipment. But all the military guys look the same.
D: See, it is the same.
F: Right. Where is the ladies room?
D: There’s no ladies room. Women don’t come here.
F: Just like the states.

Visitor Badge Blues
This editor had the pleasure of dealing with the Hellenic Air Force this week in an attempt to get a visitor badge to visit the Ellinikon Factory, where she is currently working on a project. The following is a summary of the conversation with Adonis, head of security for the Air Force’s Ellinikon Factory.
F: I need a visitor badge to this facility because I’m doing a briefing next week.
A: Your name is not Greek. You must be foreign.
F: You are a master of the obvious.
A: (flattered) A master, yes. We can’t give you a badge because you are foreign.
F: My paperwork for my clearance is being processed now so they said if you would agree to give me a badge I can go into your facility. I will not be discussing classified data.
A: What does your father do?
F: He was in the American Air Force.
A: Oh, you are in the military family. Perhaps I can help you then. What did he do?
F: He did something with planes.
A: He was a war hero?
F: Yes. Very decorated. And he knows many high ranking Hellenic Air Force officers (a lie).
A: Very good. He has been to Greece?
F: He is coming in October. Are you going to give me a visitor badge?
A: I need to take some pictures of you.
F: For the badge?
A: I need pictures. These things take time. (He takes three pictures of me.) Please if you could smile. This will help with the badge if you look friendly and not dangerous. I need to make a phone call.
(Adonis makes a phone call and then two more “security officers” come into the office and pose behind me while he takes more pictures. His friend takes a picture of me with Adonis standing behind).
F: So now that you have these pictures will I be able to get a badge? (The “security officers” are laminating the pictures of me "with" them and putting them in their wallets.)
A: I need more information. You have a phone number?
F: All that information is in my security paperwork.
A: You have a boy friend?
F: Yes.
A: In Greece you have a boy friend?
F: Do you think it would be possible to get my badge today?
A: I’m sorry, but as you can see the office is now closed.
F: The sign says the office is open until 4:00 and it’s only 2:30 now.
A: As you can see the office is closed because I am going home.
F: Is there anyone else who can help me?
A: Yes, I can help you.
F: I thought you were going home.
A: On Monday I can help. These things take time.

Contracting In Greece
The following procedures outline the contracting rules of Greece. Note that they are subject to change at any time, without any notice.
1. Greek military makes private contractor provide money for a software development program.
2. A committee known as the European International Community something or other sends a contract to a private company (e.g. ISI) with requirements as descriptive as “Automate Technical Orders”
3. The company (ISI) meets with the Greek military. They need two months to review the contract since they haven’t seen a copy of it.
4. The Greek military tells the company to start development.
5. The Greek military decides after two months to change the scope of the project.
6. The Greek military point of contact retires and a new person takes his place and changes the scope of the project.
7. Two years and millions of lines of code later the project is no where near completion.
8. Repeat steps 4 through 7 until everyone at the company has a nervous break down or quits.