I arrived home at 2 am Friday morning, because of flight delays, from my trip to California. While in Cali I was working so much that I ended up getting sicker rather than better. All I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep for 10 hours but instead I had to get up at 8 am for an offshore meeting. Then my admin suggested I try to end the day early but I had meetings until 5 pm. By the time Friday was over I was exhausted.
And then there was the shit thing that happened...
I pre-ordered the DVD for Dance Moms season 3 (shut up, I like Abby, she's a great manager when she isn't being dramatic) 6 months ago. I got an email last week that it was finally going to ship. I was super excited because it was supposed to arrive Thursday and all I could think about on the plane was getting my dance moms DVD. But when I got home there was no package. I waited for the mail on Friday figuring it would arrive then. Nope.
So I checked on Amazon and they said my DVD was delivered. I tried to trace the package through USPS (nightmare) but they said it would take them 3 - 4 days to figure out where it was. So I sent an email to Amazon explaining the situation, and you know what they did? They sent out a new DVD which will arrive Tuesday with no charge to me. And I had a lovely email exchange with some guy named Sharad who also loves dance moms (or claimed to anyway).
Thanks Amazon!!!!
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Monday, March 23, 2015
California scheming
I flew into Cali on Sunday feeling like death warmed over. I have had bronchitis for the past week. I got sick last Sunday and have not been able to shake the cough. Last time I was sick was in January 2011. Guess I shouldn't have been bragging to my colleagues about how I never get sick.
I was worried that I would have a coughing fit on the plane but it turns out half the people flying seem to have the same thing I do. I was so hopped up on dayquil that I didn't realize my colleague P was on the flight until he smacked me on the arm at the bus stop for the rental cars. He thought I was ignoring him on purpose. Embarrassing.
I went to bed at 830 last night because I had a long day today, including a meeting with my boss who hates me. I have to say that every time I interact with him he is nicer to me. But, this is an example of what is driving me insane:
DHBoss: Oh Franki, you are so tan, you are taking so much vacation!
(Note that I have been working 10 - 12 hour days, including working weekends)
Me: I'm not sure what you mean.
DHB: Your face is so red!
Me: I think it's because I have a fever. I'm trying to shake bronchitis.
(Note that anyone around me knows I'm sick because I have a horrible cough and my coloring is about as healthy as a super size me diet)
DHB: You are not sick. You have allergies. I have allergies too.
(he coughs, perhaps to compete with my lung splitting cough which I can't control)
Me: Um, no, I have bronchitis.
DHB: You need to go home! If you work when you're sick it just drags things out forever!
Then he gave me a bunch of assignments due at the end of this week. When I pointed out I don't have time to stay home sick because I have so much to do he agreed with me.
So, why suggest I go home sick?
I talked to someone who used to work for my boss and he said "if you call in sick you better have a doctor's note."
No shit.
In other, happy news, I've gotten to see a bunch of colleagues I haven't seen in 3 months. Every time I come out here I feel like a geek star because everyone seems happy to see me. Even my old boss wants me to share his office (I declined, my coughing drives even me crazy). Today three large (tall and fat) men accosted me in the hallway when I was walking to a meeting. Turns out they are consultants I've been talking to on the phone. They recognized me because my Cali colleagues keep talking about my pink highlights.
Today's the first day I got 10,000 steps in since I got sick. I hope I'm turning a corner with this bronchitis shit. I'm pretty much over it. And I can't keep taking double doses of dayquil and mucinex (am I even supposed to take those two things together???) just so I can get through the day.
I was worried that I would have a coughing fit on the plane but it turns out half the people flying seem to have the same thing I do. I was so hopped up on dayquil that I didn't realize my colleague P was on the flight until he smacked me on the arm at the bus stop for the rental cars. He thought I was ignoring him on purpose. Embarrassing.
I went to bed at 830 last night because I had a long day today, including a meeting with my boss who hates me. I have to say that every time I interact with him he is nicer to me. But, this is an example of what is driving me insane:
DHBoss: Oh Franki, you are so tan, you are taking so much vacation!
(Note that I have been working 10 - 12 hour days, including working weekends)
Me: I'm not sure what you mean.
DHB: Your face is so red!
Me: I think it's because I have a fever. I'm trying to shake bronchitis.
(Note that anyone around me knows I'm sick because I have a horrible cough and my coloring is about as healthy as a super size me diet)
DHB: You are not sick. You have allergies. I have allergies too.
(he coughs, perhaps to compete with my lung splitting cough which I can't control)
Me: Um, no, I have bronchitis.
DHB: You need to go home! If you work when you're sick it just drags things out forever!
Then he gave me a bunch of assignments due at the end of this week. When I pointed out I don't have time to stay home sick because I have so much to do he agreed with me.
So, why suggest I go home sick?
I talked to someone who used to work for my boss and he said "if you call in sick you better have a doctor's note."
No shit.
In other, happy news, I've gotten to see a bunch of colleagues I haven't seen in 3 months. Every time I come out here I feel like a geek star because everyone seems happy to see me. Even my old boss wants me to share his office (I declined, my coughing drives even me crazy). Today three large (tall and fat) men accosted me in the hallway when I was walking to a meeting. Turns out they are consultants I've been talking to on the phone. They recognized me because my Cali colleagues keep talking about my pink highlights.
Today's the first day I got 10,000 steps in since I got sick. I hope I'm turning a corner with this bronchitis shit. I'm pretty much over it. And I can't keep taking double doses of dayquil and mucinex (am I even supposed to take those two things together???) just so I can get through the day.
oh brothers
I sent the following email to my older younger brother who's been coaching me on development environments:
me:
You might be shocked, but I'm really starting to understand all that technology shit on my lotus notes and sharepoint slides. The customer seems really happy with what I've put together and we're going to test it on two applications next week. Fingers crossed. I also learned a bunch of shit about InfoPath, template deprecation (I think that's a cool phrase, I keep saying it even when it's not appropriate), and Xpages.
Bob:
I'm glad you're getting into a groove at work. I hope the test migrations go well.
The model has to have fetching features and be able to fix stuff...
Maybe I could submit a picture of myself standing next to my spider mite infested tomatoes :)
He responded:
Send a post about your swamp cooler and pictures of you ice climbing. Don't worry about the features. Doesn't hurt to try. Plus Mom and Dad will get a kick put of you being in the catalog. Don't forget Dad, me and Tammie all love their stuff and you would too if you were the outdoors type.
If they make you fix something just put in a Bluetooth and call me. If you can't just say "Ok Google" to your phone and ask it.
me:
You might be shocked, but I'm really starting to understand all that technology shit on my lotus notes and sharepoint slides. The customer seems really happy with what I've put together and we're going to test it on two applications next week. Fingers crossed. I also learned a bunch of shit about InfoPath, template deprecation (I think that's a cool phrase, I keep saying it even when it's not appropriate), and Xpages.
Bob:
I'm glad you're getting into a groove at work. I hope the test migrations go well.
I got your dvd on sunday. I opened it, but haven't watched it.
I've been tinkering with creating my drone hardware (the stuff that flies with the airplane). It's difficult to write and test embedded software - you can't easily tell what's going on. And there isn't much memory or program space, so your code has to be super-tight. And it's a real-time environment, as you're reading carefully timed pulses from the rc radio and generating carefully-timed pulses to control the servos. Of course when the radio is not there (aka it's autonomous) you have to do calculations on where you are and where you want to go, while still having time to generate carefully-timed pulses to control the motors. Here's a failed attempt:
WARNING
Sketch uses 15,736 bytes (51%) of program storage space. Maximum is 30,720 bytes.
Global variables use 2,841 bytes (138%) of dynamic memory, leaving -793 bytes for local variables. Maximum is 2,048 bytes
Um, I guess I'm not learning as much about software development in these days as I thought. I had to read this email twice just to sort of understand what he was saying.
Then I got this from my other brother:
You should enter this contest. Just remember your baby brother and his wife love their stuff.
I opened the attachment thinking it would be a writing contest. It was actually a contest to find a model for Duluth Trading Company. Maybe he thinks the model gets free stuff?
I responded:
The model has to have fetching features and be able to fix stuff...
Maybe I could submit a picture of myself standing next to my spider mite infested tomatoes :)
He responded:
Send a post about your swamp cooler and pictures of you ice climbing. Don't worry about the features. Doesn't hurt to try. Plus Mom and Dad will get a kick put of you being in the catalog. Don't forget Dad, me and Tammie all love their stuff and you would too if you were the outdoors type.
If they make you fix something just put in a Bluetooth and call me. If you can't just say "Ok Google" to your phone and ask it.
I hate talking on my phone. I can't imagine talking to my phone.
But maybe I'll enter the contest. I'm sure it would make for a funny rejection blog post.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
there's a reason I always keep my house clean
I had a bunch of errands to do today, my last one being a trip to the post office. On my way back I saw my next door neighbor outside and we started talking. Then a couple came by and my neighbor introduced us. The couple live two blocks from me and, as it happens, they are in the process of redoing their kitchen AND they run the house tour for my neighborhood.
My neighbor suggested I give them a tour of my house, so I did. They loved it and want me to be on the next house tour. The husband said my house is the most unique property in our neighborhood (most people decorate with traditional Victorian stuff - expensive but not creative). The wife took tons of pictures of my kitchen and bathrooms and said she was going to steal some ideas from me (I gave a lot of props to Christine - maybe they'll work with her).
Maybe after I pay off my mortgage I'll do some design work. Although I am getting excited about my data analysis (data visualization) class. It's one of the few things I've done at work that I thought "I could do this the rest of my life and be happy." I never thought I'd do anything but enterprise architecture...
My neighbor suggested I give them a tour of my house, so I did. They loved it and want me to be on the next house tour. The husband said my house is the most unique property in our neighborhood (most people decorate with traditional Victorian stuff - expensive but not creative). The wife took tons of pictures of my kitchen and bathrooms and said she was going to steal some ideas from me (I gave a lot of props to Christine - maybe they'll work with her).
Maybe after I pay off my mortgage I'll do some design work. Although I am getting excited about my data analysis (data visualization) class. It's one of the few things I've done at work that I thought "I could do this the rest of my life and be happy." I never thought I'd do anything but enterprise architecture...
a confession that embarrasses me
One of the most useful things I learned in my astronomy class was how to find stars by using easy to see constellations. I also learned how to use a planisphere (I got one with my course).
However, something has been troubling me for the past two weeks as I took the class. Most of the constellations have stories that explain where they are in the sky and that are supposed to help you recognize them. And I consider myself a pretty creative person.
I can't see the fucking bear in ursa major. I can't see the horse in Pegasus. The southern cross is supposed to be so beautiful but it looked like all the other stars. About the only constellation that I can really see is the big dipper. Pathetic.
And I got completely confused by stories about mortals sleeping with gods or gods chasing creatures and throwing them in the sky like the hydra and all that shit about lovers being banished to the edges of the universe but being able to see each other once a year because magpies would gather so they could walk across the sky and see each other (can't remember the name of those two constellations, but it was something about a god being pissed at two mortals who were in love so he separated them or some shit). And that story about the dude, Phaethon, who rode his dad's chariot across the sky and wrecked it...why does that story, which is so old, not redeem women drivers?
My favorite lecture was on the northern globulars. Mostly because I just like that phrase. I find myself saying it in my head over and over
I now know what causes the aurora borealis and why you can sometimes see the moon during the day. I know the difference between spiral galaxies and clusters. One interesting thing is that we think we're a spiral galaxy but we don't know because we can't see ourselves.
Next week I start a data analysis class. Hopefully that will be as entertaining.
However, something has been troubling me for the past two weeks as I took the class. Most of the constellations have stories that explain where they are in the sky and that are supposed to help you recognize them. And I consider myself a pretty creative person.
I can't see the fucking bear in ursa major. I can't see the horse in Pegasus. The southern cross is supposed to be so beautiful but it looked like all the other stars. About the only constellation that I can really see is the big dipper. Pathetic.
And I got completely confused by stories about mortals sleeping with gods or gods chasing creatures and throwing them in the sky like the hydra and all that shit about lovers being banished to the edges of the universe but being able to see each other once a year because magpies would gather so they could walk across the sky and see each other (can't remember the name of those two constellations, but it was something about a god being pissed at two mortals who were in love so he separated them or some shit). And that story about the dude, Phaethon, who rode his dad's chariot across the sky and wrecked it...why does that story, which is so old, not redeem women drivers?
My favorite lecture was on the northern globulars. Mostly because I just like that phrase. I find myself saying it in my head over and over
I now know what causes the aurora borealis and why you can sometimes see the moon during the day. I know the difference between spiral galaxies and clusters. One interesting thing is that we think we're a spiral galaxy but we don't know because we can't see ourselves.
Next week I start a data analysis class. Hopefully that will be as entertaining.
I'm not the only one obsessed with teeth
The past few weeks have been pretty hectic at work and I finally finished my astronomy class (ask me about the northern globulars!). So this morning I decided to give myself a little break and do something fun. I've been looking for a display case for my great white shark teeth.
That dropped me down a rabbit hole that I almost didn't emerge from. I didn't find any display cases that I liked. But I did find a bunch of web sites that sell "museum grade" fossil shark teeth. I seriously spent over two hours looking at them. I found a shark tooth that I loved but it costs $6,000. Maybe when I'm a billionaire...
I had no idea that there were so many people who collect shark teeth. I wish I had never found those sites. Now I can't stop thinking about all the beautiful shark teeth I saw.
That dropped me down a rabbit hole that I almost didn't emerge from. I didn't find any display cases that I liked. But I did find a bunch of web sites that sell "museum grade" fossil shark teeth. I seriously spent over two hours looking at them. I found a shark tooth that I loved but it costs $6,000. Maybe when I'm a billionaire...
I had no idea that there were so many people who collect shark teeth. I wish I had never found those sites. Now I can't stop thinking about all the beautiful shark teeth I saw.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
dmv was...easy
This morning I decided to go to the DMV to get my real license plates. I thought it would be a good morning to go since it snowed last night, the roads were kind of suck, and schools were closed.
I got there at 7:30 and there were 4 people already there, including a guy who was just wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. It was 8 degrees outside. The guy who was at the head of the line was really excited. He said "I've never been first in any line before!" And then a few moments later he said "They'll probably tell me I don't have the right paperwork." That ended up being true, he brought the wrong insurance card (it was for his old car, not his new one).
Luckily the dealer transfer of my car information went through and in 10 minutes I had my license plates (I brought my old plates in with me and asked the woman to not give me another "MEN" license plate - my old license plates were "number number number MEN"). She laughed and gave me a really cool license plate. The whole transaction took 2 minutes.
I would add that after she processed me there was no one behind me. I could have gotten to the DMV at 8:05 and not waited at all. Oh well.
Another thing off my to do list!
I got there at 7:30 and there were 4 people already there, including a guy who was just wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. It was 8 degrees outside. The guy who was at the head of the line was really excited. He said "I've never been first in any line before!" And then a few moments later he said "They'll probably tell me I don't have the right paperwork." That ended up being true, he brought the wrong insurance card (it was for his old car, not his new one).
Luckily the dealer transfer of my car information went through and in 10 minutes I had my license plates (I brought my old plates in with me and asked the woman to not give me another "MEN" license plate - my old license plates were "number number number MEN"). She laughed and gave me a really cool license plate. The whole transaction took 2 minutes.
I would add that after she processed me there was no one behind me. I could have gotten to the DMV at 8:05 and not waited at all. Oh well.
Another thing off my to do list!
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
so that's what's causing my work related issues...
The past few weeks have been a struggle at work. Talking to my brothers and friends, I don't think it's me. For example, what kind of manager sets up a kick off meeting knowing that I'll be on vacation and unable to join? What kind of manager has meetings with my project, that I'm not invited to, to discuss what I'll be delivering, and I find out about the meeting from a consultant who doesn't even work for my fucking company? What kind of manager makes someone redo a presentation 6 times and then chooses the first iteration of the presentation?
This was my horoscope today:
In other news I have to go to the DMV tomorrow to register Major Jake. Hope the roads aren't a crazy shit show mess. I miss the old DMV that was only a few blocks from my house...
This was my horoscope today:
 |
| who does trust someone's words over their actions???? |
Sunday, February 22, 2015
about Bob
To brag a little about my other brother Bob...
This week I was given an insane work assignment. I had been researching it (it's something to do with migrating Lotus Notes apps to sharepoint) and trying to figure out how to complete the deliverable. I wasn't making much progress. So I reached out to my brother Bob to get some advice.
First, I was glad he confirmed the assignment was insane (I wasn't given enough information to do the assignment, and the info that I asked for, and was told I didn't need, Bob confirmed I did need). Then he spent two hours on Saturday helping me come up with something (and while we were on the call his water heater pipe burst - it's that fucking cold where he lives - but he kept helping me instead of worrying about having no hot water).
Anyway, the assignment has been causing me major stress and it was nice to have someone to turn to to help me. And I think what he came up with is great.
It's nice to be in a family of geniuses.
This week I was given an insane work assignment. I had been researching it (it's something to do with migrating Lotus Notes apps to sharepoint) and trying to figure out how to complete the deliverable. I wasn't making much progress. So I reached out to my brother Bob to get some advice.
First, I was glad he confirmed the assignment was insane (I wasn't given enough information to do the assignment, and the info that I asked for, and was told I didn't need, Bob confirmed I did need). Then he spent two hours on Saturday helping me come up with something (and while we were on the call his water heater pipe burst - it's that fucking cold where he lives - but he kept helping me instead of worrying about having no hot water).
Anyway, the assignment has been causing me major stress and it was nice to have someone to turn to to help me. And I think what he came up with is great.
It's nice to be in a family of geniuses.
snow, snow, snow!!!!!!!!!!!!
My friend Jess invited me to go snow shoeing with her, her sister, and Edge today so last night I was going to have a chill night, watch a movie, and go to bed early. Instead, for reasons I can't explain, my asperger's kicked in and I became obsessed with shoveling the front walk maybe also being concerned about the arrest threats the city of Denver made when no one shoveled while I was in Costa Rica. Forgot to write about this, let's step into the wayback machine:
(thursday, in Costa Rica checking email)
my neighbor:
You received
a notice of violation saying: You are hereby notified to remove snow
and ice from walks with 24 hours. Then it specifies "along 28th street
walk." Failure to comply will result in a penalty of $150 for the first
time, $500 the second time, then $900. There may also be court action
of $999 and/or one year in jail and/or administrative penalty.
I can do a little help, maybe a quarter of that side of the building, as
long as it isn't deep. But to have a secure plan would be a good
idea. The letter was on your door. What are your thoughts?
Obviously, my thoughts were "I'm in Costa Fucking Rico, someone there needs to fucking shovel".
Anyway,
I figured I'd have to shovel after snow shoeing so I might as well get a
jump on it. I went out to shovel and my crazy neighbor pulled up right
as I started and helped me and then offered to drink a glass of wine and
maybe watch a movie with me. I was like "no way dude, I have to get up
at 6:30" but of course we ended up having a glass of wine (the movie
watching didn't go so well as I was in the middle of a german movie that
was kind of hard to explain and he was like "I thought you only watched
movies about surfers and sharks").
Really he just wanted to talk about how his new business is going and to get some advice on a problem he was having with his ex.
He finally left around 11. Ech.
We ended up going to Matt Winters because the roads were shit. Major Jake
did great but I am definitely switching his tires to Michelins. I also
was really proud of Jake because Jess was bragging about how well he
does in the snow and what a great car he is. I am a little embarrassed
to admit this but I teared up a little when she was talking about how
fun he is to drive.
Funny
side note: I was at Jess' salon getting a pedicure and looked out the
window and thought "oh, that car looks like Jake but it can't be him
because he has different license plates." It was him. I had forgotten
that he got new plates when Jess registered him. I know this is insane
but I felt really happy to have seen him.
We
had a great hike at Matt Winters though Edge and I had problems with
our snow shoes (mine was user error). Also, I found out after the hike
that Edge had taken Dayquil before the hike (but he did great). Some
pics:
.JPG) |
| Jess, Edge, Ericka, and me (the shrimp) |
.JPG) |
| Jules in Major Jake - first dog to ride in my car! |
.JPG) |
| Edge, Ericka, Jules, and me |
.JPG) |
| Jules in the snow |
my brother comes for a visit
My brother was in town this past week for a mining conference. We got to hang out a lot, which is why I didn't write much (that and work has been insane).
I don't think I embarrassed him except for when I showed some of his colleagues pictures of him as a 5 year old playing with a computer (back then that was a novel thing). Also, maybe I shouldn't have told the story about [redacted at my brother's request].
It was pretty cool attending the mining events in the evening. People kept coming up to me, introducing themselves "hey, I just wanted to meet Steve's sister". I wonder if they have suspected all this time that he was an extraterrestrial or a robot and wanted some verification that he did have a family. One of Steve's good friends kept introducing me as "Steve's sister, the bean pole".
I met the wife of the guy who's the head of the center where my brother works (I didn't know who she was at the time) and managed to pull off the introduction perfectly. I complimented her scarf and the way she had it tied (turns out she loves to talk about scarves) and then mentioned that Steve partially decided to go to Virginia Tech because I did. She said "thank you SO MUCH for bringing us Steve, we LOVE HIM TO DEATH!!!!"
It turns out lots of Steve's colleagues love him, especially the women (in a sisterly way, that is to say). And here I would say a shout out to all the female professors in the mining engineering department. They were all beautiful, stylish, and fun to hang out with. Two of them invited me to come visit them in Blacksburg and to stay at their houses. I also invited them to Colorado, we'll see if they come. I would mention as a side note they insert "fuck" into sentences as much as I do. If you hear a bunch of people in Blacksburg saying "are you fucking fist fucking me?", a new phrase I taught them, I'm going to take credit.
Not to brag about my brother, but I met many (over 100) of his colleagues at the conference events and...
The most common questions asked about my brother:
Please stop saying that, even if it's true.
And, my brother has groupies. People were following him all over the place in the hopes that he might be their advisor / mentor / join their committee / review their paper. It was funny.
My brother won an award at the conference but was too modest to even mention it.
I'm trying to get him and his wife to come visit me in the summer so we can do some outdoor adventures...also, maybe his wife will make me some cookies. I found out from one of the grad students that they get the "rejected" cookies that she doesn't think look nice enough to sell. I was like how do I get on that list????
I don't think I embarrassed him except for when I showed some of his colleagues pictures of him as a 5 year old playing with a computer (back then that was a novel thing). Also, maybe I shouldn't have told the story about [redacted at my brother's request].
It was pretty cool attending the mining events in the evening. People kept coming up to me, introducing themselves "hey, I just wanted to meet Steve's sister". I wonder if they have suspected all this time that he was an extraterrestrial or a robot and wanted some verification that he did have a family. One of Steve's good friends kept introducing me as "Steve's sister, the bean pole".
I met the wife of the guy who's the head of the center where my brother works (I didn't know who she was at the time) and managed to pull off the introduction perfectly. I complimented her scarf and the way she had it tied (turns out she loves to talk about scarves) and then mentioned that Steve partially decided to go to Virginia Tech because I did. She said "thank you SO MUCH for bringing us Steve, we LOVE HIM TO DEATH!!!!"
It turns out lots of Steve's colleagues love him, especially the women (in a sisterly way, that is to say). And here I would say a shout out to all the female professors in the mining engineering department. They were all beautiful, stylish, and fun to hang out with. Two of them invited me to come visit them in Blacksburg and to stay at their houses. I also invited them to Colorado, we'll see if they come. I would mention as a side note they insert "fuck" into sentences as much as I do. If you hear a bunch of people in Blacksburg saying "are you fucking fist fucking me?", a new phrase I taught them, I'm going to take credit.
Not to brag about my brother, but I met many (over 100) of his colleagues at the conference events and...
The most common questions asked about my brother:
- "Was he always like this?" - not being sure what that meant I would just say "yes"
- "Did he at least sleep when he was a baby?" (he is infamous for sending emails 24 x 7 which he explains by saying "I have people in other times zones that I'm working with")
- "Did he always take things apart?" - answer: yes, but now when he takes things apart he can get them put back together, and they work better
Please stop saying that, even if it's true.
And, my brother has groupies. People were following him all over the place in the hopes that he might be their advisor / mentor / join their committee / review their paper. It was funny.
My brother won an award at the conference but was too modest to even mention it.
I'm trying to get him and his wife to come visit me in the summer so we can do some outdoor adventures...also, maybe his wife will make me some cookies. I found out from one of the grad students that they get the "rejected" cookies that she doesn't think look nice enough to sell. I was like how do I get on that list????
the best library
A new artist building is finally opening a few blocks from my house. And...
They have a free lending library!!!!!
They have a free lending library!!!!!
 |
| It's probably one of the coolest libraries ever |
 |
| tomorrow I'm going to add a book and maybe take a book if there's something cool in there |
Monday, February 16, 2015
a genius idea from my dad
At this very moment I am typing my dad is stuck in a snowstorm and horrible traffic on highway 35 somewhere in West Virginia.
Don't ask.
Anyway, while stuck in traffic he became really bored, so bored he ran out of important things to think about and began thinking about my memoir. My memoir has a lot of problems, including, as my dad mentioned to me while we were talking, that I am "not a sympathetic character that readers like". But then a genius idea came to him - write the memoir from the point of view of my zombie knee. He called me, shared his idea, and then challenged me to rewrite the prologue tonight and send it to him. So I'm going to give it the old college try.
...and not think about all the work that will be required to rewrite my entire book...I will definitely be leaving a lot of parts out.
Don't ask.
Anyway, while stuck in traffic he became really bored, so bored he ran out of important things to think about and began thinking about my memoir. My memoir has a lot of problems, including, as my dad mentioned to me while we were talking, that I am "not a sympathetic character that readers like". But then a genius idea came to him - write the memoir from the point of view of my zombie knee. He called me, shared his idea, and then challenged me to rewrite the prologue tonight and send it to him. So I'm going to give it the old college try.
...and not think about all the work that will be required to rewrite my entire book...I will definitely be leaving a lot of parts out.
Friday, February 13, 2015
more illustrations from the legend of the croco-diamond
While in Costa Rica last week I did some more drawings for my kids book (here are three others I did).
Two of the surf instructors were watching me as I sketched, probably thinking I was a great artist capturing the landscape. When they saw my pictures they laughed (not unkindly). They were like "why don't you get someone who knows how to draw to draw the pictures?" and "do they have drawing classes in the US?" and "are you purposely drawing so it looks like a kid drew the pictures?"
I tried to explain that I had to draw the pictures because all the characters in the book are made up animals so only I know what they look like. I also said I thought the book would be easier to sell if people had an idea of what a kangawrong and a croco-diamond look like. One instructor suggested I rewrite the book to be about real animals so I wouldn't have to do any drawings.
Mmm hmm...
Anyway, here are the drawings:
Two of the surf instructors were watching me as I sketched, probably thinking I was a great artist capturing the landscape. When they saw my pictures they laughed (not unkindly). They were like "why don't you get someone who knows how to draw to draw the pictures?" and "do they have drawing classes in the US?" and "are you purposely drawing so it looks like a kid drew the pictures?"
I tried to explain that I had to draw the pictures because all the characters in the book are made up animals so only I know what they look like. I also said I thought the book would be easier to sell if people had an idea of what a kangawrong and a croco-diamond look like. One instructor suggested I rewrite the book to be about real animals so I wouldn't have to do any drawings.
Mmm hmm...
Anyway, here are the drawings:
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| the giant man with his umbrellears and the kangawrong with its fedora |
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| the croco-diamond in the purple hammock |
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| the octopeau with his stolen mittens |
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| the croco-diamond giving mittens to the whitey biteys |
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| the kangapult made from the zippy shoe skate |
Monday, February 9, 2015
more pics from the professionals
These are some pics the photographer took.
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| sitting next to the pool, drawing stuff to my right, I did some more illustrations for my book |
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| learning how to flip my board in the pool so I can jump on it more easily - we did skill sessions in the pool |
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| one of the few pics where my arms are in the right position |
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| taking a sunscreen break |
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| D and his dad catch a party wave |
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| some of the gang with our instructor Andreas |
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| LT, the 11 year old surfing phenom |
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| catching some green waves |
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| Ez and I after a particularly grueling surf session |
Sunday, February 8, 2015
return, the drama
For all the fucking years I've traveled you'd think I'd have a lid on travel drama.
No.
Saturday morning I was scheduled to leave at 830 am with D and his dad. I woke up at 6 so I could say goodbye to Ez. I woke up, went into the bathroom to pee, and noticed the toilet was a bit sluggish when I flushed it. Then I turned on the tap so I could brush my teeth.
No water. NO FUCKING WATER.
Luckily I always have a full bottle of water with me at all times so I was able to brush my teeth. Then I put on some clothes and went down to our party room to see what was going on. As we later found out, a neighbor down the mountain accidentally cut the water line. So the kitchen crew was like "no water until tonight".
I was like FUCKING FUCKING FUCK. I did not want to fly for 7 hours without having a shower. I ended up talking everyone into "bathing" in the swimming pool, which was, in the early morning, full of dead cicadas.
Then I took a taxi with D and his dad back to San Jose airport. It was a four hour drive. I got to the airport 5 hours before my flight so after checking my luggage decided to read outside. Then around 3 pm I went through security and decided to have a beer at the bar (pain killer - my legs were in serious pain). The bar was empty so I sat at the far end close to the wall. As I was drinking my beer 3 red necks from Mississippi came in. They had been fishing and were also heading home. Of course they sat right next to me.
One of them tried to engage me in a conversation but I ignored him. Then he offered to buy me a beer. The stereo in the bar was tuned to a "light jazz" station. I was like "no thanks, I don't need another beer" but he kept insisting. Finally I was like "NO THANKS (asshole)" Just then that hall and oates song came on "I can't go for that" came on so he took the opportunity to improvise the lyrics:
"IiiiiiiiiiiI just want to buy her a bee-eeeeeeeeeee-eer
But she can't go for that
oh no, no can do
she can't go for that, can't go for that, CAAAAAAAAAN'T"
And that continued on through the whole song. I never realized how long that song was...
Meanwhile, back in Denver, the neighbor who dropped me off at the airport said he would also pick me up. He asked that I send him a reminder to pick me up. I sent him an email on Monday with my return flight itinerary.
Neighbor: Cool, see you Friday!
Me: I don't get in until Saturday. I'll send you a reminder on Friday and then text you when I get to Houston on Saturday to let you know if the flight to Denver is on time.
Neighbor: K, see you Friday!
Me: No, my flight is on Saturday. I will send you a reminder on Saturday when I get into Houston.
Neighbor: Sounds good. See you Friday!
Of course I thought he was fucking with me.
Meanwhile, it turns out, he was not fucking with me. Somehow he got it in his head that I was coming home Friday. So at 11 PM on Friday he goes to the airport to pick me up. I had tried to email him Thursday and Friday but the internet was down.
He kept calling my cell as he drove to the airport but it went straight to voice mail. Upon arriving at the airport, and having not gotten in touch with me, he parked his truck and went into baggage claim, where he correctly located the baggage carousel for my flight. He waited until everyone left and then ran to the United baggage claim counter. The woman working there said "do you have missing luggage?" and he said "no, I have a missing passenger! I think she was kidnapped at the airport!!!"
So she escorted him up to the check in desk (at this point it was 1130 pm so they were all standing around with not a lot to do). My neighbor managed to correctly remember my flight number and that it was out of Houston. They paged me, and when I didn't answer he said "she must have been kidnapped in Houston!!!! call them right away!!!!"
At this point all the United reps were in a tizzy. The woman tried to look up whether or not I had boarded the Houston flight but my crack head neighbor couldn't remember how to spell my last name. Finally he remembered that he had my confirmation code for the flight because I had sent him my itinerary. Too upset to read the number to her, he handed her his phone. She read my email, and then the string of other emails we had exchanged. She looked at my neighbor and said "did you read this email? because she said, in three separate exchanges, that she is not getting in until Saturday".
At that point my neighbor leaned over and said "ssshhhhhh" to the United rep and quietly ran from the counter.
Sheesh.
As if the story could not get any stranger, I texted him when I landed in Houston on Saturday to let him know I got in on time. No response. I texted him that my flight was going to leave on time. No response. Right before take off I texted him saying I had checked a bag so he should wait until I texted him when landing in Denver to leave for the airport so he wouldn't have to wait. No response. I texted when I landed in Denver. No response.
Then, as I was boarding the train to get to the main terminal he called. He was obviously at a bar. And a little tipsy. He said "I'm on my way, I'm at a bar, I forgot I was supposed to pick you up."
Seriously.
I drove home. We had a good laugh about the whole situation.
By the time I got home it was midnight. But my neighbor insisted we have a glass of wine even though I was exhausted from a 4 hour car ride, a 5 hour wait at the airport, and then 7 hours of flying and just wanted to go to bed (funny side note: upon arrival at Houston I was selected by customs for extra security screening and I was freaking out because I had a tight connection - the guy was like "anything to declare?" and I said "yes, I got hit in the nose with a surf board" - he looked at my poor banged up nose and told me I could skip the extra security screening).
I showed him my pictures and showed him one of my surf videos (on a 6 foot wave - he was impressed). Then I told him what I had learned about the science of waves and showed him proper surfing stance. For some reason he thought we should practice our pop ups so I did even though I could hardly move my arms. Finally we finished the bottle of wine and I looked at my watch and it was 3 am. I walked my neighbor home because I was worried he would pass out in the front bushes.
Was up at 845 this morning doing laundry, cleaning, and answering work emails. I wouldn't call my vacation "relaxing" but who wants to fucking relax...
No.
Saturday morning I was scheduled to leave at 830 am with D and his dad. I woke up at 6 so I could say goodbye to Ez. I woke up, went into the bathroom to pee, and noticed the toilet was a bit sluggish when I flushed it. Then I turned on the tap so I could brush my teeth.
No water. NO FUCKING WATER.
Luckily I always have a full bottle of water with me at all times so I was able to brush my teeth. Then I put on some clothes and went down to our party room to see what was going on. As we later found out, a neighbor down the mountain accidentally cut the water line. So the kitchen crew was like "no water until tonight".
I was like FUCKING FUCKING FUCK. I did not want to fly for 7 hours without having a shower. I ended up talking everyone into "bathing" in the swimming pool, which was, in the early morning, full of dead cicadas.
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| CR has some big fucking cicadas |
One of them tried to engage me in a conversation but I ignored him. Then he offered to buy me a beer. The stereo in the bar was tuned to a "light jazz" station. I was like "no thanks, I don't need another beer" but he kept insisting. Finally I was like "NO THANKS (asshole)" Just then that hall and oates song came on "I can't go for that" came on so he took the opportunity to improvise the lyrics:
"IiiiiiiiiiiI just want to buy her a bee-eeeeeeeeeee-eer
But she can't go for that
oh no, no can do
she can't go for that, can't go for that, CAAAAAAAAAN'T"
And that continued on through the whole song. I never realized how long that song was...
Meanwhile, back in Denver, the neighbor who dropped me off at the airport said he would also pick me up. He asked that I send him a reminder to pick me up. I sent him an email on Monday with my return flight itinerary.
Neighbor: Cool, see you Friday!
Me: I don't get in until Saturday. I'll send you a reminder on Friday and then text you when I get to Houston on Saturday to let you know if the flight to Denver is on time.
Neighbor: K, see you Friday!
Me: No, my flight is on Saturday. I will send you a reminder on Saturday when I get into Houston.
Neighbor: Sounds good. See you Friday!
Of course I thought he was fucking with me.
Meanwhile, it turns out, he was not fucking with me. Somehow he got it in his head that I was coming home Friday. So at 11 PM on Friday he goes to the airport to pick me up. I had tried to email him Thursday and Friday but the internet was down.
He kept calling my cell as he drove to the airport but it went straight to voice mail. Upon arriving at the airport, and having not gotten in touch with me, he parked his truck and went into baggage claim, where he correctly located the baggage carousel for my flight. He waited until everyone left and then ran to the United baggage claim counter. The woman working there said "do you have missing luggage?" and he said "no, I have a missing passenger! I think she was kidnapped at the airport!!!"
So she escorted him up to the check in desk (at this point it was 1130 pm so they were all standing around with not a lot to do). My neighbor managed to correctly remember my flight number and that it was out of Houston. They paged me, and when I didn't answer he said "she must have been kidnapped in Houston!!!! call them right away!!!!"
At this point all the United reps were in a tizzy. The woman tried to look up whether or not I had boarded the Houston flight but my crack head neighbor couldn't remember how to spell my last name. Finally he remembered that he had my confirmation code for the flight because I had sent him my itinerary. Too upset to read the number to her, he handed her his phone. She read my email, and then the string of other emails we had exchanged. She looked at my neighbor and said "did you read this email? because she said, in three separate exchanges, that she is not getting in until Saturday".
At that point my neighbor leaned over and said "ssshhhhhh" to the United rep and quietly ran from the counter.
Sheesh.
As if the story could not get any stranger, I texted him when I landed in Houston on Saturday to let him know I got in on time. No response. I texted him that my flight was going to leave on time. No response. Right before take off I texted him saying I had checked a bag so he should wait until I texted him when landing in Denver to leave for the airport so he wouldn't have to wait. No response. I texted when I landed in Denver. No response.
Then, as I was boarding the train to get to the main terminal he called. He was obviously at a bar. And a little tipsy. He said "I'm on my way, I'm at a bar, I forgot I was supposed to pick you up."
Seriously.
I drove home. We had a good laugh about the whole situation.
By the time I got home it was midnight. But my neighbor insisted we have a glass of wine even though I was exhausted from a 4 hour car ride, a 5 hour wait at the airport, and then 7 hours of flying and just wanted to go to bed (funny side note: upon arrival at Houston I was selected by customs for extra security screening and I was freaking out because I had a tight connection - the guy was like "anything to declare?" and I said "yes, I got hit in the nose with a surf board" - he looked at my poor banged up nose and told me I could skip the extra security screening).
I showed him my pictures and showed him one of my surf videos (on a 6 foot wave - he was impressed). Then I told him what I had learned about the science of waves and showed him proper surfing stance. For some reason he thought we should practice our pop ups so I did even though I could hardly move my arms. Finally we finished the bottle of wine and I looked at my watch and it was 3 am. I walked my neighbor home because I was worried he would pass out in the front bushes.
Was up at 845 this morning doing laundry, cleaning, and answering work emails. I wouldn't call my vacation "relaxing" but who wants to fucking relax...
dominicalito
On Friday we surfed at Dominicalito. It was rocky and the waves were big. But the rip current wasn't as bad as Playa Hermosa and Hermosa had 12 foot waves so there was no way we were surfing there.
By Thursday the instructors had basically left me alone to do my own thing, which was fine. Except that I still hadn't quite got the hang of knowing which waves to catch. I would sit outside the wave and count and then try to ride the last wave of the set. Sometimes it was 4 feet. But sometimes it was 8 feet. I would paddle into a wave and hear one of the instructors yell "NO!!! FRANKI NO!!!" and then I would drop down the face of a big wave. The first time I did that I slid off my board (I blame the new wax that I wasn't allergic to) about two seconds after I stood up on my board. The wave broke right on top of me and I swear my body bent completely backward. As I rolled along in the washing machine I think my toes touched the back of my head. It kind of sucked but was fun at the same time.
Another time I caught a big wave but then failed to turn. One second I was on the face of the wave and the next second I was free falling. Somehow I landed on my board again. The wave broke on the back of my board so I moved to the front of the board to keep it balanced and then popped out of the white water, caught the secondary wave, and rode into shore. They better fucking upload that video or I will be pissed. A group of surfers who were not part of my group cheered for me. It was the coolest moment I've had surfing.
By friday I was able to get outside the wave without getting beat all to shit. I even found the channel on Dominicalito. Ez was not so lucky. She got hit by her surf board trying to get out and ended up with a huge knot on the back of her head (but was not concussed). And while outside the wave, I drifted, without realizing it, and was distracted talking to one of the surf instructors who was showing me a cool wave formation on one of the rocks. Suddenly a big wave broke on us. I grabbed the rails and tried to do a turtle roll (I'm pretty proficient now at the turtle roll) but I grabbed the rails too far forward and the board smacked me in the face, taking off all the skin on my nose and parts of my chin.
Pretty.
We all swore we were going to bed by 10 o'clock friday since we all had to get up at 6 am. Instead I helped Ez pack (I didn't have much to pack but she brought half her wardrobe) and then we stayed up until 1 am talking.
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| I was supposed to turn on the waves because they closed out so fast but, like that dude in zoolander, I can only turn left |
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| the beach at sunset |
Another time I caught a big wave but then failed to turn. One second I was on the face of the wave and the next second I was free falling. Somehow I landed on my board again. The wave broke on the back of my board so I moved to the front of the board to keep it balanced and then popped out of the white water, caught the secondary wave, and rode into shore. They better fucking upload that video or I will be pissed. A group of surfers who were not part of my group cheered for me. It was the coolest moment I've had surfing.
By friday I was able to get outside the wave without getting beat all to shit. I even found the channel on Dominicalito. Ez was not so lucky. She got hit by her surf board trying to get out and ended up with a huge knot on the back of her head (but was not concussed). And while outside the wave, I drifted, without realizing it, and was distracted talking to one of the surf instructors who was showing me a cool wave formation on one of the rocks. Suddenly a big wave broke on us. I grabbed the rails and tried to do a turtle roll (I'm pretty proficient now at the turtle roll) but I grabbed the rails too far forward and the board smacked me in the face, taking off all the skin on my nose and parts of my chin.
Pretty.
We all swore we were going to bed by 10 o'clock friday since we all had to get up at 6 am. Instead I helped Ez pack (I didn't have much to pack but she brought half her wardrobe) and then we stayed up until 1 am talking.
the party starts right now
I meant to update my blog but the internet (and power) went to shit Thursday night and I couldn't get online even sitting right next to the router. This blog post is about a huge party we had and you can skip the wave science and just jump to paragraph 6.
So Wednesday night was a rest day, and then Thursday we all had a big day at the beach. I caught tons of waves and finally have my stance down. In addition I read a book (in my "spare" time) called the science of waves. I learned all kinds of cool things about how to read waves on a beach. For example, the beach we normally surf at is long and has a sand bar. This causes "defocusing waves" (a fancy way to say of the set of 7 waves they all close out except the last, largest wave). I also learned that when you are outside the wave (meaning you're behind it and it's breaking in front of you) you move up and down but your position doesn't change. The book called this "Drake's displacement" or something like that that I have been unable to find in a google search (I wrote it down but my paper got wet).
White water is caused by gravity and wind. The wind blows and causes a wave. Well, it's a bit more complicated than that. The north and south poles heat up at different temperatures. The earth wants everything to be even so packets of hot and cool air start moving around in an attempt to even temperatures. That's the coriolis effect. Then the wind caused by the coriolis effect blows on the water and causes a wave. A wave gets momentum and rises up but then gravity is like "uh uh, get back here buster!" and pulls the wave down (this is when the wave crashes back down into the ocean). But the wind is still trying to push the wave so the top of the wave turns white because all the wind can blow is the water at the top of the wave that is not as influenced by gravity.
One of my goals for the week was to be able to go to a beach and figure out what the waves are doing and where to surf. I also wanted to learn to read a surf report. I successfully did both and every time the instructors challenged me to tell them what time it was I was able to do so because I could see what the waves were doing (if the surf report, for example, said the waves would be 9 ft with a 17 second periodicity at 4 o'clock I could look out at the ocean and be like well, the waves are 9 ft and the periodicity is close to 17 seconds so it must be 4 o'clock)
I would note here that the owner of the surf camp saw me reading the science of waves one day and said "we've had that book since we opened and you are the first person to read it". Also, as a side note, one of the guys on the trip, JP, said "you are the only woman I've ever met who brings more books that clothes on a vacation".
Anyway, Thursday night we were all ready to blow off some steam (what little steam we had left, the day was grueling with high tide at 10 feet and a bad rip current). JP had gone into town to buy a case of "decent" (expensive) red wine. We started drinking that and then Ezra suggested everyone (not me) shot gun a beer and it turns out each country has its own way to shot gun beers. First they did it the american way (hole in the bottom of the can, pop the top) then the argentinian way (pour the beer in a glass and drink it sideways) then the polish way (I am not making fun of polish people but their way caused a lot of beer to get spilled on the floor).
Then Ez and JP called the guard and had him unlock the cabinet that had a bottle of rum ($50). Everyone started taking shots (except for me). Ez, who is a great dancer, started dancing on the table. Soon everyone (except me) joined in. Shit, like glasses, started breaking. We were all playing our favorite songs on the stereo. Suddenly the night guards showed up and started trying to clean up all the broken glass. We were also advised to turn down the music A LOT but we pretended we didn't understand.
At that point I thought it would be a great idea if we all jumped into the pool (it was fucking hot). LT was supposed to take a picture of us jumping in the pool but he kept fucking it up and after the third jump the guards were like "I think it is a very bad idea to be in the pool. You are all drunk."
Ez and I decided to go to bed around midnight but the music was still ridiculously loud. We asked them to turn it down twice but they didn't. So Ez and I snuck up to the room and she started fucking with the blue tooth stereo. A loud song would be playing and we would switch it to a slow country song (e.g. blue eyes crying in the rain). Everyone was so drunk it took a while for them to figure out it was us. I went to bed around 2 am and when I got up at 630 and went downstairs to the party room the cleaning woman was in there picking up beer cans and crying. The room was TOTALLY trashed.
All the surf instructors were talking about our party. They said in the 4 year history of kalon nothing like that had ever happened before. As we left to go to the beach they were still scrubbing blood (someone cut her foot on the broken glass on the floor) and wine off the stairs.
When we got home Friday night from surfing, around 7 pm, the stereo was gone, the wine was locked up, and there were only 12 beers in the fridge.
Hee. We spent a lot of Friday night debating whether we would ever be allowed to come back to the resort...
So Wednesday night was a rest day, and then Thursday we all had a big day at the beach. I caught tons of waves and finally have my stance down. In addition I read a book (in my "spare" time) called the science of waves. I learned all kinds of cool things about how to read waves on a beach. For example, the beach we normally surf at is long and has a sand bar. This causes "defocusing waves" (a fancy way to say of the set of 7 waves they all close out except the last, largest wave). I also learned that when you are outside the wave (meaning you're behind it and it's breaking in front of you) you move up and down but your position doesn't change. The book called this "Drake's displacement" or something like that that I have been unable to find in a google search (I wrote it down but my paper got wet).
White water is caused by gravity and wind. The wind blows and causes a wave. Well, it's a bit more complicated than that. The north and south poles heat up at different temperatures. The earth wants everything to be even so packets of hot and cool air start moving around in an attempt to even temperatures. That's the coriolis effect. Then the wind caused by the coriolis effect blows on the water and causes a wave. A wave gets momentum and rises up but then gravity is like "uh uh, get back here buster!" and pulls the wave down (this is when the wave crashes back down into the ocean). But the wind is still trying to push the wave so the top of the wave turns white because all the wind can blow is the water at the top of the wave that is not as influenced by gravity.
One of my goals for the week was to be able to go to a beach and figure out what the waves are doing and where to surf. I also wanted to learn to read a surf report. I successfully did both and every time the instructors challenged me to tell them what time it was I was able to do so because I could see what the waves were doing (if the surf report, for example, said the waves would be 9 ft with a 17 second periodicity at 4 o'clock I could look out at the ocean and be like well, the waves are 9 ft and the periodicity is close to 17 seconds so it must be 4 o'clock)
I would note here that the owner of the surf camp saw me reading the science of waves one day and said "we've had that book since we opened and you are the first person to read it". Also, as a side note, one of the guys on the trip, JP, said "you are the only woman I've ever met who brings more books that clothes on a vacation".
Anyway, Thursday night we were all ready to blow off some steam (what little steam we had left, the day was grueling with high tide at 10 feet and a bad rip current). JP had gone into town to buy a case of "decent" (expensive) red wine. We started drinking that and then Ezra suggested everyone (not me) shot gun a beer and it turns out each country has its own way to shot gun beers. First they did it the american way (hole in the bottom of the can, pop the top) then the argentinian way (pour the beer in a glass and drink it sideways) then the polish way (I am not making fun of polish people but their way caused a lot of beer to get spilled on the floor).
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| american shot gun |
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| argentinian shot gun |
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| guards in the back ground cleaning up broken glass |
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| rum shots |
Ez and I decided to go to bed around midnight but the music was still ridiculously loud. We asked them to turn it down twice but they didn't. So Ez and I snuck up to the room and she started fucking with the blue tooth stereo. A loud song would be playing and we would switch it to a slow country song (e.g. blue eyes crying in the rain). Everyone was so drunk it took a while for them to figure out it was us. I went to bed around 2 am and when I got up at 630 and went downstairs to the party room the cleaning woman was in there picking up beer cans and crying. The room was TOTALLY trashed.
All the surf instructors were talking about our party. They said in the 4 year history of kalon nothing like that had ever happened before. As we left to go to the beach they were still scrubbing blood (someone cut her foot on the broken glass on the floor) and wine off the stairs.
When we got home Friday night from surfing, around 7 pm, the stereo was gone, the wine was locked up, and there were only 12 beers in the fridge.
Hee. We spent a lot of Friday night debating whether we would ever be allowed to come back to the resort...
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
step into liquid bugs plus doctor drinks
I didn't get to write about this on tuesday, and perhaps you won't find it funny but...
On monday night I insisted that everyone at surf camp watch step into liquid because 1) only two people knew who Laird Hamilton is and 2) am I the only one who studied the materials sent to us before camp and watched all the videos?????? Apparently, yes.
The downstairs area where the tv is is an open space with sliding glass doors. Basically, every wall can be slid open so it's almost like you're in a house with no walls. That was ideal on monday night because it was fucking hot outside, and inside, since this place has no air conditioning (for the record I'm not complaining).
There are a lot of cicadas and other flying bugs here since we are in the middle of a jungle/mountain. Seriously, it is louder here than in my house in the city. I'll have to make a recording of the noise. We all settled in to watch the movie, 10 of us, and we had the ceiling fans going full blast to cool the place off, as well as having every sliding glass wall that could open, opened.
The flying bugs really liked the tv light, and after banging into the tv would head toward the ceiling, get sucked into the ceiling fans, and then, as they hit the blades of the fan, they would get shot in all directions. I got hit in the back of the head twice by bugs. As the bugs increased so did the bug bullets flying from the blades of the ceiling fan. All of the women left within a half hour. Then it was just D, myself, and D's dad. They finally got tired of getting pelted with bugs so they bid me good night, but not before D offered to cut up the ornamental aloe plant in front of the door to the tv area so I would have some fresh aloe to put on my face and spider bite. I was like "I don't think that aloe plant is meant to be cut up" and he was like "but it's fucking aloe and it will grow back".
I'd mention that D wanted to finish watching step into liquid with me but his dad wouldn't leave the two of us alone even though I'm 13 years older than D. I guess he thought I was some kind of enchantress who would convince his son to leave his wife and 4 year old daughter. Because many guys I know leave a younger woman for an older woman with a huge rash on her face and a swollen foot (from the spider bite).
Anyway, today we had a day off and I had more time to talk to D's dad. It turns out he's a retired plastic surgeon. I told him about my 3-D printed jaw bone and suddenly we were the best of friends. We had conversations on and off all day about health care. Then at dinner I was trying to give the two single women (Ez and her 23 year old friend) advice about dating ("tell the guy you will not date him until he takes an IQ test, he must score at least a 128, and provides his medical records, particularly to prove he does not have an STD, and he has to do at least 10 pull ups"). D's dad, hereafter referred to as 'doc', said "well what if he wants to do chin ups instead of pull ups?" and I said "FAILS!" and doc turned to his son and said "I think she's cracked the code! We men are done!"
After dinner most everyone said around the table to talk (a rarity here - most people go to bed by 730 - serously!!!!). I sat next to doc and he even put his arm on the back of my chair which made me feel good, like he finally realized I'm not some crazy pot smoking asshole wanna be surfer. Doc and I polished off a bottle of wine, also a rarity here as no one really drinks (if you saw where we surfed you'd understand why - you lay in bed at night terrified what the next day will bring and no one wants to do anything that could cause them to not have their wits about them). We talked about the particle zoo, dark matter, the origins of malamuts, and how shitty child care is in the US.
Doc started musing about friends of his that he could set me up with. I mentioned that my last boyfriend sat with me through an hour long smithsonian documentary about dissecting a great white shark and then had a conversation about it and that that's what I would expect of a significant other (besides the pull ups requirement). He said he would think about people he knew and that he would get back to me.
And his son suggested I start a blog because I'm the most interesting person he knows. Mm hmm...
On monday night I insisted that everyone at surf camp watch step into liquid because 1) only two people knew who Laird Hamilton is and 2) am I the only one who studied the materials sent to us before camp and watched all the videos?????? Apparently, yes.
The downstairs area where the tv is is an open space with sliding glass doors. Basically, every wall can be slid open so it's almost like you're in a house with no walls. That was ideal on monday night because it was fucking hot outside, and inside, since this place has no air conditioning (for the record I'm not complaining).
There are a lot of cicadas and other flying bugs here since we are in the middle of a jungle/mountain. Seriously, it is louder here than in my house in the city. I'll have to make a recording of the noise. We all settled in to watch the movie, 10 of us, and we had the ceiling fans going full blast to cool the place off, as well as having every sliding glass wall that could open, opened.
The flying bugs really liked the tv light, and after banging into the tv would head toward the ceiling, get sucked into the ceiling fans, and then, as they hit the blades of the fan, they would get shot in all directions. I got hit in the back of the head twice by bugs. As the bugs increased so did the bug bullets flying from the blades of the ceiling fan. All of the women left within a half hour. Then it was just D, myself, and D's dad. They finally got tired of getting pelted with bugs so they bid me good night, but not before D offered to cut up the ornamental aloe plant in front of the door to the tv area so I would have some fresh aloe to put on my face and spider bite. I was like "I don't think that aloe plant is meant to be cut up" and he was like "but it's fucking aloe and it will grow back".
I'd mention that D wanted to finish watching step into liquid with me but his dad wouldn't leave the two of us alone even though I'm 13 years older than D. I guess he thought I was some kind of enchantress who would convince his son to leave his wife and 4 year old daughter. Because many guys I know leave a younger woman for an older woman with a huge rash on her face and a swollen foot (from the spider bite).
Anyway, today we had a day off and I had more time to talk to D's dad. It turns out he's a retired plastic surgeon. I told him about my 3-D printed jaw bone and suddenly we were the best of friends. We had conversations on and off all day about health care. Then at dinner I was trying to give the two single women (Ez and her 23 year old friend) advice about dating ("tell the guy you will not date him until he takes an IQ test, he must score at least a 128, and provides his medical records, particularly to prove he does not have an STD, and he has to do at least 10 pull ups"). D's dad, hereafter referred to as 'doc', said "well what if he wants to do chin ups instead of pull ups?" and I said "FAILS!" and doc turned to his son and said "I think she's cracked the code! We men are done!"
After dinner most everyone said around the table to talk (a rarity here - most people go to bed by 730 - serously!!!!). I sat next to doc and he even put his arm on the back of my chair which made me feel good, like he finally realized I'm not some crazy pot smoking asshole wanna be surfer. Doc and I polished off a bottle of wine, also a rarity here as no one really drinks (if you saw where we surfed you'd understand why - you lay in bed at night terrified what the next day will bring and no one wants to do anything that could cause them to not have their wits about them). We talked about the particle zoo, dark matter, the origins of malamuts, and how shitty child care is in the US.
Doc started musing about friends of his that he could set me up with. I mentioned that my last boyfriend sat with me through an hour long smithsonian documentary about dissecting a great white shark and then had a conversation about it and that that's what I would expect of a significant other (besides the pull ups requirement). He said he would think about people he knew and that he would get back to me.
And his son suggested I start a blog because I'm the most interesting person he knows. Mm hmm...
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
forgot to mention, they did get my almost running over a family moment on film
Will have to wait until I'm state side to post the video though, the internet connection isn't that great here.
welcome to the jungle, pura vida
Today I had to take an unplanned surf break.
On Monday I thought I had gotten a bad sunburn, but weirdly it was just on my chin, the front of my legs, and around the edges of my back legs. Tuesday it got worse even though I was wearing a zinc suntan lotion that made me look like a member of KISS.
Today I woke up and my bottom lip looked like a botched celebrity lip job. And I had a rash all over my chin and the aforementioned areas of my legs. I cautiously went down to breakfast only to discover that my new friend Ezra had the same thing going on.
We finally figured out that we are both (yes, BOTH, not just me) allergic to the surf wax we've been using on the boards. It's pure blah blah bullshit what ever good for the environment "natural" wax. My reaction was a little worse than Ezra's but I'm a lot older than her...
So we stayed at the resort and got slathered in aloe every hour (is it helping? Ezra a little, me, not really) and the owner of this joint offered to bring us drinks all afternoon. Instead we did a jungle hike.
Ezra is sort of like me about 15 years ago and has a similar record of weirdly broken bones and food allergies. Also, she's clumsy. On Tuesday she was stung by a jelly fish (the only person in 4 years to be stung by a jelly fish on the beach where we surf) and she jumped off her board which somehow caused the board to shoot out and almost strike the 60 something year old guy in our group, G, in the face (missed him by centimeters). Since we weren't allowed to go surfing today G said, at dinner, "I was so much better at surfing not having to worry about Ezra killing me with her surf board" (he was joking, he loves Ezra).
During our jungle hike, Ezra was distracted by her new gopro and I was worried about snakes. The hike was through a very steep canyon and we were either heading way down or way up. At one point we ran across a section of the trail which was a giant rock face. I crossed it in my running shoes and almost ate shit and slid 200 feet down a snake infested (I'm sure) cliff. Then I recrossed it and helped Ezra across it. Later we were talking to one of the guides and he said "the trail went above the rock and was very easy to cross" and Ezra said "that's what I get for having a rock climber finding the trail" and I said "well you were supposed to go first to protect me from the snakes".
Anyway, Ezra now wants to move to Colorado and she wants to go rock climbing. And she has taken ballet for years and is teaching me to stand on pointe and she also taught me some basic ballet exercises so I can finally get off my ass and sign up for ballet classes.
Perhaps I shouldn't mention this, because really, I'm fine, but I was also bitten by a spider on Tuesday.
Everyone kind of freaked out about the spider, but they don't bother me, even when they bite me. We were eating lunch and Ezra looked down at my foot and said "you dropped some of your sandwich on your foot, OH MY GOD THAT'S A SPIDER!!!!!!!!!!!" and then the spider bit me and then I picked it off my foot and threw it in the sand and was like "fuck" and no one wanted to walk in the sand anymore unless they had their shoes on.
I was talking to Roberto after video analysis today (he gave me exercises to do in the pool since I couldn't surf today) and he said how amazed he is at our group here at the camp this week. He said normally people don't talk to each other or hang out. We are a conglomerate of nationalities sharing languages (serbian, spanish, polish, swedish, and english) and stories and drinks. Half the time I don't know what people are saying but we still manage to make each other laugh.
More tomorrow about watching step into liquid Tuesday night. Power seems to be going out again...
On Monday I thought I had gotten a bad sunburn, but weirdly it was just on my chin, the front of my legs, and around the edges of my back legs. Tuesday it got worse even though I was wearing a zinc suntan lotion that made me look like a member of KISS.
Today I woke up and my bottom lip looked like a botched celebrity lip job. And I had a rash all over my chin and the aforementioned areas of my legs. I cautiously went down to breakfast only to discover that my new friend Ezra had the same thing going on.
We finally figured out that we are both (yes, BOTH, not just me) allergic to the surf wax we've been using on the boards. It's pure blah blah bullshit what ever good for the environment "natural" wax. My reaction was a little worse than Ezra's but I'm a lot older than her...
So we stayed at the resort and got slathered in aloe every hour (is it helping? Ezra a little, me, not really) and the owner of this joint offered to bring us drinks all afternoon. Instead we did a jungle hike.
Ezra is sort of like me about 15 years ago and has a similar record of weirdly broken bones and food allergies. Also, she's clumsy. On Tuesday she was stung by a jelly fish (the only person in 4 years to be stung by a jelly fish on the beach where we surf) and she jumped off her board which somehow caused the board to shoot out and almost strike the 60 something year old guy in our group, G, in the face (missed him by centimeters). Since we weren't allowed to go surfing today G said, at dinner, "I was so much better at surfing not having to worry about Ezra killing me with her surf board" (he was joking, he loves Ezra).
During our jungle hike, Ezra was distracted by her new gopro and I was worried about snakes. The hike was through a very steep canyon and we were either heading way down or way up. At one point we ran across a section of the trail which was a giant rock face. I crossed it in my running shoes and almost ate shit and slid 200 feet down a snake infested (I'm sure) cliff. Then I recrossed it and helped Ezra across it. Later we were talking to one of the guides and he said "the trail went above the rock and was very easy to cross" and Ezra said "that's what I get for having a rock climber finding the trail" and I said "well you were supposed to go first to protect me from the snakes".
Anyway, Ezra now wants to move to Colorado and she wants to go rock climbing. And she has taken ballet for years and is teaching me to stand on pointe and she also taught me some basic ballet exercises so I can finally get off my ass and sign up for ballet classes.
Perhaps I shouldn't mention this, because really, I'm fine, but I was also bitten by a spider on Tuesday.
 |
| so much for that gelish "impossible to chip" pedicure (white part is where the spider bit me. right under my big toe) |
I was talking to Roberto after video analysis today (he gave me exercises to do in the pool since I couldn't surf today) and he said how amazed he is at our group here at the camp this week. He said normally people don't talk to each other or hang out. We are a conglomerate of nationalities sharing languages (serbian, spanish, polish, swedish, and english) and stories and drinks. Half the time I don't know what people are saying but we still manage to make each other laugh.
More tomorrow about watching step into liquid Tuesday night. Power seems to be going out again...
Sunday, February 1, 2015
surf camp, day 1
Not to brag, but I totally
kicked ass today. They had us do some exercises in the pool to see where
we were with our skills and I already knew what they were teaching so I
got my own personal instructor. The guy put me through the paces but I
learned how to paddle correctly, improved my pop up, and my longest ride
was around 10 seconds (that's good for surfing). I even learned to
turn (though I have more work to do on that tomorrow). I am riding a much smaller board than I did in Mexico (by 3 feet -
it's considered an experienced surfer's board) and I'm pretty happy I
was able to get up on it the second try. I surfed for 2 hours and caught
more waves than I did the entire time I was surfing in Mexico. It was
like ride to the shore, sprint back out, and catch another wave.
The conditions here are a little crazy at the moment according to the instructors. Today the waves were very fast and it was hard to stay outside them so instead I would just paddle out as far as I could, turn my board around, and catch a wave even if it had already broken. Surfing white water is fun but I hope to be catching bigger waves by the end of the week.
I
found it funny that the two guys on the trip were like "someone
obviously has some experience surfing" like I was trying to show them up
or something. Also, I almost ran over a family. They were standing
right in the surf zone and I hadn't learned to turn the board yet. I was
yelling at them "cuidado!" which means "danger" but they just stood
there and smiled and waved at me. Finally I jumped off my board and it
shot out and almost hit a woman in the face. They clapped for me and I
have no idea what they said after but it sounded complimentary. So when I
got back out I told my instructor, Roberto, "I need to learn how to
turn" and he said "and you also need to stop looking at things you don't
want to run into". Everyone on the beach was laughing at my almost
disaster accident. I hope they got it on film (or, no, I hope they
didn't).
So
our group ended up being two women in their 20s, both single, A family
(husband, wife, and young son), a married guy in his 60s and his friend,
who is married, and I would guess in his 30s. Everyone is really nice. I
was kind of shocked last night at dinner though when I was asked to sit
at the head of the table because I was the oldest person at the table
(how did that happen??????????). I would mention the guy in his 60s
hadn't shown up yet. So he'll probably be at the other end of the table
tonight.
This
place is beautiful and I'm having fun and learning a lot, but not sure I
would come to this camp again. But I do think by the time I leave here I
will feel very confident renting a board to surf on vacation.
I
tried to upload some photos of this place but the internet is crap
(even the power goes out sporadically). Well, I can always upload them
when I get home.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
kalon
Finally got to the surf camp around 4 pm today. We made a brief stop at this place called the crocodile bridge to see some crocodiles.
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| my bedroom |
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| balcony |
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| sitting area |
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| bathroom |
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| outside table |
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| my room is the one at the far end, left |
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| view from the infinity pool |
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| Add caption |
Friday, January 30, 2015
san jose
Made it to Costa Rica! Shockingly there were no kids on either flight!
A kind of funny thing happened...my neighbor took me to the airport and said he would pick me up when I fly home next Saturday. I told him I would take a taxi home because my flight doesn't get in until 11 PM. He said "that's fine, I don't have any plans" and I said "well I at least owe you a good bottle of wine" and, for whatever reason, I would mention he's never done anything like this before, as I was standing on the curb about to walk into the airport he said "you can just give me a blow job" and smacked me on the ass.
We have a joke about blow jobs because his friends call him DJ and one night I accidentally called him BJ and his male friends proceeded to tease him about giving guys blow jobs.
The best part of the story is his voice is pretty loud and the outside baggage guys heard what he said. Their expressions were priceless. I could not stop laughing when I was checking in on my flight.
Okay, rereading, the story loses something on the page. Imagine it as pranky and bratty, not sexist. It just occurred to me it was his tone of voice. Like a gay guy telling a woman she can give him a blow job.
Oh. Never mind.
The only kind of glitchy thing that's happened so far is I can't log into my yahoo account because it wants to confirm it's me by sending a text to my phone. Hopefully I can get my work phone on the internet tomorrow and clear that problem up.
Sitting here waiting for a sandwich. I haven't really eaten all day. So weird being back in Costa Rica after all these years (was last here in 1995 - A LOT has changed). The guy checking me in tonight said "I was 10 when you were last here". That made me feel old for some reason but then everyone in the lobby was talking about my pink highlights so that made me feel better. The hotel I'm in is beautiful but it still has that smoky smell of burned trash or what ever it is (not in a bad way, it just has a smoky smell). Brings back a lot of memories.
Tomorrow I head to Dominical. Surf's up!
A kind of funny thing happened...my neighbor took me to the airport and said he would pick me up when I fly home next Saturday. I told him I would take a taxi home because my flight doesn't get in until 11 PM. He said "that's fine, I don't have any plans" and I said "well I at least owe you a good bottle of wine" and, for whatever reason, I would mention he's never done anything like this before, as I was standing on the curb about to walk into the airport he said "you can just give me a blow job" and smacked me on the ass.
We have a joke about blow jobs because his friends call him DJ and one night I accidentally called him BJ and his male friends proceeded to tease him about giving guys blow jobs.
The best part of the story is his voice is pretty loud and the outside baggage guys heard what he said. Their expressions were priceless. I could not stop laughing when I was checking in on my flight.
Okay, rereading, the story loses something on the page. Imagine it as pranky and bratty, not sexist. It just occurred to me it was his tone of voice. Like a gay guy telling a woman she can give him a blow job.
Oh. Never mind.
The only kind of glitchy thing that's happened so far is I can't log into my yahoo account because it wants to confirm it's me by sending a text to my phone. Hopefully I can get my work phone on the internet tomorrow and clear that problem up.
Sitting here waiting for a sandwich. I haven't really eaten all day. So weird being back in Costa Rica after all these years (was last here in 1995 - A LOT has changed). The guy checking me in tonight said "I was 10 when you were last here". That made me feel old for some reason but then everyone in the lobby was talking about my pink highlights so that made me feel better. The hotel I'm in is beautiful but it still has that smoky smell of burned trash or what ever it is (not in a bad way, it just has a smoky smell). Brings back a lot of memories.
Tomorrow I head to Dominical. Surf's up!
Thursday, January 29, 2015
off to the tropics...
I'm leaving tomorrow for Costa Rica! HOORAY!!!!!!
It's supposed to be rainy next week, but that's okay. I always thought it would be fun to surf in the rain.
Hopefully my flights are on time...
It's supposed to be rainy next week, but that's okay. I always thought it would be fun to surf in the rain.
Hopefully my flights are on time...
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