my old manager screws me one final time

I hate hate hate my old company.

They sent my final paycheck to my manager who said he wasn't going to send it to me until he received my laptop, badge and company credit card. Fine. I mailed it to him on my last day, Friday the 22nd of June. It was delivered to him on Monday, 25 June.

I just heard from him on Monday, 1 July, that he was sending me my check. Why he decided to wait a week to send my check I don't know, except that he's an inconsiderate ass.

And when I got my paycheck, today, they had deducted $700 for vacation, when in actuality I should have been re-imbursed for my vacation that I never took (I had to have had at least 10 days this year and I only took 4). This is especially shitty because in all the time I worked there I never got to take all my vacation (or most holidays for that matter) and they didn't reimburse me at the end of the year for my untaken (is that a word?) vacation because it's company policy (because they want us to have a good work/life balance which is a fucking joke because every vacation I scheduled last year I had to cancel for work).

I am FUCKING pissed and the ONLY way I can get my money back is to get my manager to correct my separation papers. How long do you think THAT will take? Exactly. Fuckers.

my new career as a flag pole sitta

Sometimes I really wonder about people's perception of me...

I emailed writing intern Jonathan (or, as I call him, Fish, or as Jeff calls him Jonhanahathanhan) to help me install the new outdoor lights I got for my building (painting finally finished! yea!). I can do it myself but it's easier with two hands.

He responded:

Oh yeah, it's real straight-forward. Also, my dad may have some work for you if you're interested in making some extra bucks. You'd be climbing a flag-pole, handling some tools at the top of the aforementioned pole. real straight-forward stuff.

I responded:

Ahhahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

For real?

He wrote:

Very real. It's part of the business he owns. You'd even get to go up on the score-board on top of Invesco Field, work on the poles up there. Another exotic location to put on your wall of victory. or something. It's good stuff.

I might actually do it because 1. it would be fun and 2. I can donate the money I make to Paradox...

pants mystery deepens

Okay, I don't get it.

I got home a few minutes ago, fully expecting to find my lost pants and shirt hanging on my closet door, where I assumed I left them after I ironed them (yes, weird to iron clothes BEFORE you pack them but I've had enough bad experiences with hotel irons...oh, never mind).

They aren't there.

Nor are they in my closet. Or my laundry room.

As anyone who has been to my house can attest, I am a *bit* of a neat freak and a super organizer. I don't lose things in my house. I don't even have a "junk" drawer. I put every thing in the same place (thanks asperger's!) and DO NOT deviate from my routine.

What. The. Fuck.

My suitcase was under my control at ALL times (who checks luggage????). I have NO idea where my clothes are.

Data point - I lost my favorite shirt last year (Tahari, with silver leaves on it, even my lebanese friend S liked it and he hates all of my clothes). I thought maybe the maids had stolen my shirt or that it had fallen into a bag I took to good will.

I guess I'll look again tomorrow when I'm not so tired and jet lagged. But for real. My pants are GONE. My shirt is GONE.

Weird. I wonder if the aliens were coming after me and then said "Let's take her clothes instead and see what happens". If you are up there STOP FUCKING WITH ME.

just call me x

I have a new nickname at work. They call me "Franki X". I think it's in part from a joke I made at dinner on Monday about how in EA mafia instead of putting a dead horse head in my bed they would put a ripped up class diagram (that is a joke only funny to EAs) under my pillow.

I also think it's because most people's reaction to me is to turn to my manager and say "where did you find her????" It's always said in a positive way (I think :). Because now that I have a captive audience I can talk about all the stuff my old company didn't understand.

For real, I said "eigenvectors" 11 times today at work and people LISTENED and were like "that's a great idea".

we don't need no stinking pants

Well, I almost royally fucked up my first day on my new job.

I got in late last night (flight was delayed an hour - I know - shock!). And I guess I'm more burned out than I realized. I swear I packed my suitcase on Saturday. I distinctly remember putting my just ironed clothes in.

I woke up this morning at 530 and read in bed for a while. I finally got up and showered. No rush, didn't have to be in the office until 845. At 8 am I decided to get dressed and discovered I had forgotten to pack pants.

Awesome. I tried on a dress to see if I could pull it off at work - no way. Fully panicked, I pulled up the internet (which is slow as fuck) and checked out the nearest Target (only store with clothes that I could think of that would be open at that hour). Literally 10 minutes crawled by while I waited for the "store locator" to return something.

Luckily there is a Target 2 miles from my hotel. I rushed there, driving like a pakistani taxi driver, ran in, and within 5 minutes had a sort of passable pair of khakis. The staff, who weren't busy because I was the only one in the store, was laughing hysterically as I explained my predicament and ran around with me trying to find pants. The ones I bought are a size too big, and totally unflattering, but at least they're pants. No one seemed to notice my poor outfit.

I made it to the office on time, shockingly. Had a hell of a rush of a day, was taken out to dinner by the VP I work for and the rest of the team joined (they all honestly seemed happy to work with me). I'm pretty sure I aced my first day, down to the most important question, when the VP asked what kind of wine I like and I said "Red, and anything but a merlot." She also asked about my impressions for the first day and I rattled off a summary of what I think I need to do the rest of the week. She looked at me for a minute, and I thought I had said something totally crazy. Then she said "Everyone else usually comments on the onboarding process, or how complicated things are, or how they're pissed they didn't get their computer first thing. I've never gotten a status report before." But I could tell she was glad.

I just got home, thinking "I'll chill out in my hotel room and relax".

Only to discover I had forgotten to pack more than one shirt. Fer fuck's sake. Dammit.

No more shopping for me. I'm going to wear my travel shirt and hope no one notices. I've already wasted $33 on a pair of pants that don't fit me.

And next week, when I'm back out here again, I will strive to do better. In all the years I've been traveling I've never fucked up so bad with my packing...

nose update

In case anyone was wondering, my nose has been bleeding for the past hour. Damn. I just got off the iron pills and now I'm going to have to start taking them again. I swear I've lost at least a pint of blood.

Side fact: I can't give blood because I've had malaria.

Ech.

sleeping with scissors

Maybe basil pizza wasn't the best dinner choice last night. Or maybe it's the bbc series I've been watching called jewel in the crown, about British occupation of india during WWII. In the last episode I watched before I went to bed an english woman, whose husband was killed in action, set her newborn baby on fire in the back yard.

I had nightmares pretty much the whole night.

Around 3 am I had a night terror that some girl was trying to stab my eyes out with scissors while I was sleeping. I woke up and jumped out of bed. I must have still been asleep when I got out of bed because the girl was still there and she said "your house is haunted bitch!" Then she disappeared.

I drank some water and went back to sleep. In the next dream she said "I'm still here". I woke up and all my window blinds were ripped off the windows and flying around my house. It doesn't sound scary, but it was. I jumped out of bed again and the window blinds went back to where they normally hang.

I drank more water and went back to sleep (it was 430). I had a dream that a bunch of people were in my house yelling. And indian guy appeared and said "we need to do a puja ceremony because your house is haunted". I woke up and could still hear the voices yelling. I guess my asshole neighbor (not the one fucking up the painting job, but the one on the other side) was having an argument with his girlfriend at 530 in the morning. For fuck's sake.

do you work for free?

My mathematician friend, who is a constant source of amusement, sent me an email he wrote to an amazon seller from whom he was trying to buy shit for his bike. He ordered some brake pads for them only to find out the shipping costs were as much as the brake pads. He cancelled the order once he found that out, citing the reason for the cancellation as the shipping being to costly. The seller, who obviously needs to take some business classes, sent him an email:

We have to do about 15 mins of paperwork for all international orders, & then we have a 23 mile round trip to bring international packages to our post office where they all have to be weighed & measured. Time is money, do you work for free ?    ..... because my shipper doesn't & neither do I.
I think a lot of customers lose site that when you order online, you are paying for a service,  so you can sit at home & have your stuff delivered to your door without having to run around shopping trying find what you want, saving time & gas. If you don't like shipping cost then go & support your local bicycle shop instead of ordering online.

So he sent this response (hee):

Hey, [dick head amazon seller],

We're losing something in all the relays and translations, here. I'm not trying to insult you, or demean your efforts to provide customer service. I completely understand that folks are investing effort and trying to make a living from every one of these transactions and shipments.

Here's my customer experience to perhaps give you some context for my comment:

The headset on my three year old cyclocross bike is starting to 'clunk'. I'm thinking "that timing is about right, since these days the manufacturer is all about tapered headsets and they probably don't make the one that will fit my bike anymore".

I go to the manufacturers' websites for the specs, rather than riding to my LBS, since I’m at work and am supposed to be working.

The manufacturers website is a carnival of videos and links to race results and t-shirt sales, but after about 10 minutes I'm pretty sure it is not going to tell me anything quickly about the OMS headset for their 2010 model.

But while I'm there, I see a link to the results of one of their sponsored racers and I remember seeing a magazine feature about his bike back in the day, which prompted me to buy mine in the first place. I look that up, and there it is in a photo - super fancy ceramic headset - not like the one on my bike that goes clunk.

I crib the name of the part from the picture and hit the search engine. I discover that - wonder - that particular headset is no longer being advertised by its manufacturer, but seems to be available all over the internet at deep discount. I begin to salivate.

I try a couple of direct orders, but the part seems to be sold out at most distributors. I am referred to Amazon Marketplace again and again, though, because they seem to have collected all the Google box tops and are put at the top of the results for every search.

I go there and query. They say they have the headset. Yay! And I have an account, even, because I've bought books from them in the past. Cool.

I put the headset in my 'shopping cart' on their website.

Before it lets me pay, Amazon tells me that "people like you also recently purchased..." and shows me a bunch of little pictures across the bottom of the screen. I remember that my LBS was out of Swissstop Green pads last time I asked for them and I hate having to default to Shimano pads because they get black rubber dust all over everything. I add a 4 pack of the Swissstop pads to my Amazon cart.

I use Amazon's "one click check out" and go back to paying work.

Email confirmation of my order comes to my inbox. The email tells me that the headset is coming from one supplier in one place, and that the brake pads are coming from another supplier in another. I think "That's pretty stupid".

Amidst a bunch of other reassuring stuff, their email also mentions that the shipping charges for the brake pads will be 130% of the cost of the product itself. I think "that's *really* stupid."

"This is not an economic trend I should be encouraging", I further decide, "I could wait the time it will take the order to get to me here in Kanukistan and the pads will be in stock again at my LBS".

I click the link provided for "if you need to return an item from this shipment or manage other orders, please visit 'Your Orders' on Amazon.com".

I cancel the order with the handy button there, and in the comment box, because I'm polite, I give them a little feedback and say, "Shipping cost disproportionately high" in case the presence of the comment box is actually a sign that they are interested in my consumer experience and are willing to consider the reasons for the cancellation.

Amazon sends me a note telling me my brake pad order has shipped and dusts their hands of the matter - " Thank you for shopping with us. We thought you'd like to know that [dick head seller] shipped your item, and that this completes your order. Your order is on its way, and can no longer be changed."

Hmmnnn... I mull this over for a bit.

And decide, "Caveat emptor. You just wanted the snazzy headset anyway, and the discount on that will offset your now-pricey brake pads", I continue with my work.

But, I am clearly not having a good day. Amazon sends me a notice saying that the order for my headset has been cancelled because the item is out of stock at wherever it was in that other place they had said they were going to ship it from.

I am saddened by this news. I am not relishing further internet adventures. Plus, my bike will continue to judder every time I brake in the interim. I notice with wry amusement, however, that the headset part of the shipment, were I to receive it, would have only cost me 8% of the purchase price of the headset for its actual shipping... A shame. Ah, well.

This morning on the way to work, a commuter coming downhill out of control on his mountain bike along the narrow, tree-lined bike path nerfed me off the outside of a blind corner as I was riding up. He had disk brakes, but was going about a million miles an hour.

I was standing to climb as he came at me, and I bunny hopped sideways to get out of his line. My bike was sort of clear, but he hit my left hand with his handlebars and ploughed his helmet into my left shoulder with significant force, knocking me over the edge.

Lying in the punji stakes I had just made, I thought, "For Fucks Sake!" (I may even have said that part out loud), and struggled back toward the path in the hope of catching the idiot and beating the shit out of him.

I needn't have bothered - when I found him tangled in his bike in the trees on the other side of the path a little way downhill, his nose was broken and there was blood and mud and torn clothes everywhere.

He seemed dazed and intimidated. We exchanged a few words, but he refused help and gave every indication of wanting to get on his way. I picked my bike out of the bushes and rode on up the path, massaging my shoulder. He limped out of sight around the next corner down, wheeling his piece.

My shifter was twisted on the drop from the accident and the bar tape under it was unraveling, but further damage seems to have been prevented by my left hand taking most of the hit. My glove was torn. My front brake was dragging on the wheel. My headset seemed worse than before.

Here at the office, facing another day, I find your email in my inbox, as copied below. You employ the word "site" inappropriately and seem to be arguing that you are saving me from having to "run around shopping".

Next to it, a marketing outfit has sent two messages offering me a $50 Amazon gift certificate if I will participate in a survey.

I just now have discovered a trail of dried blood on my neck, coming from my left ear. No one I've talked to in the course of business this morning has said anything about it.

All I want to ask you is...

Do you have any good bar tape in stock? I'm going to have to rewrap my drops after I fix that left shift lever and its cabling tonight.

For all of us who shop online...ha  ha  haaaaa.

And yes, I am too jet lagged today to write my own blog post. That's why I make friends with amusing people.

all in pays off

My dad was a little concerned when I quit my job last week without an official offer letter from my new company. Then I botched my drug test by drinking too much water. Even though I've never done an illegal drug in my life (except for taking white crosses, which aren't illegal but do require a prescription, one summer in 1989 when I was working on a farm and training for karate in the evenings, which basically required me to sometimes stay awake for two days at a stretch) my parents seemed worried about the test.

Obviously, I passed. I am free of my former employer, picture me shooting them the bird in my rear view.

Onward to better things...

a dress made of wine

How awesome is that!!!!!!!!!!

http://shine.yahoo.com/fashion/dress-made-wine-181300537.html.

Of course, one wonders why a scientist didn't drink his wine rather than leaving it around to get contaminated with bacteria...

that's what I get for taking a drug test in the tenderloin

Right after class today I literally ran 2.1 miles to the lab where I was scheduled to retake my drug test. I ended up getting this chinese dude as my "collector". Though the lab was more of the set up I'm used to the whole thing was strange.

For starters, the collector said he normally watches people pee in the cup. I was like "huh". Then he said he would give me privacy if I wanted it. I was like "Um, yeah." Then he said "if you want me to watch you pee in cup I will." No thanks.

The bathroom was right off the collector's office so there was no chance I could screw it up like I did last time. The collector insisted I keep the door open a crack and after I had been peeing for a few seconds he yelled in to me "that should be enough!" Creepy. Who listens to people peeing?

I sat down with him and the chain of custody docs. We were exchanging pleasantries about urine. He explained the dilute issue I had before and said there wasn't enough potassium and something else (sodium?) in my last sample and that the lab never should have taken it because they can tell by the color if it's too diluted. Apparently it's hard to screen for water added because the water can be filtered. They should have had me wait another 45 minutes and take the test again. Assholes.

Then the conversation went down hill. He saw that the company requesting the test is in the healthcare industry:

Collector: Oh, so you a nurse?
Me: Um, no.
Collector: Oh, you look very cute in nurse uniform.
Me. Hm.
Collector: You wear nurse uniform. Blond makes nice nurse.
Me: I'll keep that in mind.
Collector: Urine very nice color. (Holding the specimen up to the light as if it's a rare diamond) You make very nice sample.
Me: Uh, thanks. Can I go now?
Collector: Colorado very pretty. I would like to visit Colorado.
Me: Me too. Too bad I travel all the time (fake laugh).

Hopefully he will expedite my test so my new employer can get the results back tomorrow or Wednesday... I don't think I can survive taking the test again.

Just got into San Fran today (so glad I won't be doing this kind of travel anymore - I fucking hate having only one day at home before I'm off to the next place - how crazy is it that I'm in Orlando one day and San Fran two days later - no one should have to do that kind of travel).

I'm staying in a totally shit hotel in the tenderloin district. I knew I had arrived in the right place when I was confronted by a man wearing only pink Y fronts and a pink feather boa. He said "I love you Greta Garbo!" (I was wearing a hat and sunglasses - I blew him a kiss and he screamed and flapped his boa around).

Walked around the neighborhood. It's been a while since I've been here. When I lived in Capitola back in 2000 - 2001 I used to know San Fran like the back of my hand. But today I kept getting confused about where I was. I went to the fruit market and bought cherries. They were $1 a lb (they are $8 a lb in Denver). The lady was like "wow, that's a lot of cherries you're buying" and I was like "well, I'm here for three days" and she was like "that's a lot of cherries to eat in three days". Really? Because I've already eaten a quarter of them. So fresh and good, I LOVE cherries. I should have bought peaches too.

Then I decided to time the walk to the lab where I'll be retaking my drug test. I passed a theater where I once dragged my ex-husband's company to see a one man play called "Don't Make Me Say Things That Will Hurt You". It was about a gay guy who broke up with his lover and involved, at one point, him waving two double headed dildos around with Mr. Potato Head face parts glued to the penis heads. Imagine 6 terrified software engineers, most from the east coast, sitting in the front row with me. I laughed my ass off through the whole show and then we had crepes.

I passed the Hotel Rex, where, a few months after my divorce, a rich Indian guy I had met through a friend reserved a room for me so he could meet me in person. His name was Raj. I flew in early Friday morning and was supposed to leave on Sunday. He paid for my plane ticket from Baltimore and the room, picked me up at the airport, took me for drinks in the US Bank Building (best bar ever), dropped me at the hotel, and I never saw him again. We were supposed to meet for lunch the following day but he never called. I took advantage of the time by having dinner with my ex-husband and his then girlfriend. Sunday I saw Vanilla Sky and was like that's kind of my life, bought the sound track, and listened to it the whole flight home. Got an email from Raj two months later, on Valentine's Day. I didn't respond.

I walked passed the argonaut book store, where I used to buy books. Passed a restaurant near Fillmore where I used to eat after going to the ballet. Passed Le Central, the oldest french bistro in San Fran, where we sometimes had dinner on Friday nights. Walked up a steep hill and thought about how I always had to drive in San Fran because my ex could never manage the clutch on hills. Thought about how me and my friend Kerreck, who was a ballet dancer, used to sneak into unused boxes at the ballet (we'd go to our proper seats in the grand tier and when the ballet started we would sneak out and into an unused box).

Then I started thinking about how I should try to go to the exploratorium before I leave Wednesday night and how it was there that I first discovered I have a heart murmur (I was checking my heart rate on a machine that made a graphic of heart rate and a doctor walking by stopped and was like "oh my god, you need to get that checked out!" because my heart rate looked like a stair case instead of a mountain range).

I remembered how my ex used to pretend to be retarded in public and how I would yell at him and people would look at me like I was a bitch (he was acting retarded on the street and one woman stopped, patted him on the head, and said "you are a very special boy!" before glaring at me). He also, on my 30th birthday, told me we were going to a wedding but it ended up being Tony and Tina's wedding. Everyone in the audience knew it was a surprise for me. I was sitting in the church wondering why all these people I knew had been invited to the wedding when the show began. About 10 minutes into it I was like "this isn't a real wedding!" and everyone in the audience laughed. Three software engineers that worked for my ex, Brian, Bryan, and Matt, gave me a real Navy SEAL diving knife that was engraved with "I'm gonna git you sucka!" on one side and "Love Brian, Bryan, and Matt" on the other. My sister's asspipe (now ex) husband threw it out when I stored my dive equipment at their house during a move. The night of my birthday I strapped it to my thigh like I was a Bond girl.

Wow. That was a long bunch of what the fuck reflection. I was sitting on the plane today thinking how everything in my life is changing (not just work but why delve into my personal life) and I thought of this poem someone gave me last year about this guy watching deer in the snowy woods. The last line is "I realize I've wasted my life".

Don't want that to be my poem too. Change is good.

failed the test AGAIN

Nothing is EVER easy...

Today I got a call from my new employer because, even though my drug test came back negative (duh) it was so diluted that I have to take it again.

I was like "for real? why?????????"

The recruiter I'm working with said that there was too much water in my sample. She asked me how much water I drank before the test. I figured I drank 100 ounces of water in 45 minutes. I just wanted to make sure I'd have to pee. The recruiter said that flags the sample. I was like stop the fucking presses, for real? Because the whole POINT of taking the test under the conditions it was administered was so they would know I didn't cheat. And anyway, there was no way to cheat. And if I had just dumped water in the sample that still wouldn't have diluted it in a way that would make a positive test come back negative. That makes no damn sense.

She was like "Look, just take the test again, and don't drink so much water."

So I have to take it again on Monday. For fuck's sake. I've done a ton of these tests and NEVER had that problem before.

In other, good, news, the tree was out of my yard, looks like my mock orange and butterfly bushes survived, and now my roses will get more sun.

Think positive...

free at last

I quit my job today. My manager was pretty much a dick about it. Ask me if I care. Um, no.

Word travels fast. People keep calling me and emailing me. I'm hiding in my hotel room ignoring them. Later I'm going out with the brits for a drink. And they invited me to go to a water park with them on Thursday.

'Cause, it's not like I was going to work on Thursday...fuck that shit.

screw up the test, ace the presentation

I had two very important things to do today at the software conference I'm attending: take a drug test for my new employer and give a presentation at the conference.

So I got to the drug test place and they took me back to this area and told me to pee in a cup. Because I'm in Florida the guy who explained to me what to do was cuban and I couldn't exactly understand him. I went into the bathroom, peed in the cup, came out, found him in his office, and handed him the cup. I should mention that the line up of the area was the bathroom, his office, and a hall to the waiting area where there was a water dispenser.

He started yelling at me and said he couldn't take the sample. I was like dude, what the fuck? Since I left the bathroom and entered an area where there was a water dispenser he couldn't take it (apparently I was supposed to yell for him when I was done and then open the bathroom door and wait there). Like, seriously, just get one of those little cabinets you leave the pee in in the bathroom.

Then he said, according to the rules, that I had to wait another 45 minutes to take the test again. Ech. My friend S had driven me to the test (he's a gentleman and insisted) and we were both blowing off the conference so it sucked that we had to wait. Anyway, the second time I managed to do it right. S thinks the cuban guy liked me and just wanted to keep me around for another 45 minutes.

The good thing is the presentation went well. I had a lot of people show up even though it was at the same time as happy hour. Got some customer leads but then again who cares since I'm quitting.

Speaking of which, I'm totally stressing about that because I closed two more engagements today and they think I'm going to do the work and I just smile my head and nod, "um yeah, sounds great".

I wonder if the shit is going to hit the fan when I quit.

next time just ask for my number

On Friday, for the first time in like 10 years, I was seated next to a hot guy on the flight from Burbank to Denver. More importantly, the hot guy wanted to talk to me.

When I first sat down he said "I noticed you in the waiting area. Is that a fake cigarette you're smoking? That's so cool." I normally don't talk to people on planes but he had really nice eyes, so we chatted about what we were doing in Burbank (he's a journalist who covered the war in Iraq embedded with troops, now he's making a documentary about drug cartels in California, and he was once robbed at gun point in Pakistan in the mid 90s) and why we were going to Denver (his family has a house in Aspen and he was visiting them for the weekend, catching his flight to Aspen from Denver). He was also carrying a copy of the latest new yorker.

A guy right up my alley, right? But, even when he was asking me if I was single, if I had kids, if I found it a struggle to have a relationship with my schedule, I just fired off answers like I was on a job interview. I told him about Paradox Sports and he said "I have a friend who just did a documentary on wounded war vets. If they need some publicity I can put them in touch with someone if you give me your contact info." But I didn't want him to think I was trying to use him for his contacts so I said "Oh, that's okay. I don't want to trouble you."

Our flight was delayed due to mechanical problems and he was worried he would miss his flight to Aspen. He said "I guess if I miss it I'll have to hang around Denver this evening" and I was like "at least it's a fun town", totally missing the hint. And when the plane landed he didn't seem to be in a rush, so I was rushing him along (I have this thing about missing flights) to make sure he got to his plane (when we landed he was like "I'll never make it" and I was like "no, the gate's just right down the hall, you'll make it!").

We said goodbye and went our separate ways. It was only when I got to the elevator to the parking lot that I realized that he was flirting with me. I am SUCH a FUCKING MORON.

It's time to get my game back on. I can't believe I met a cool guy that is like me and that reads the new yorker and was a war correspondent (weirdly that's kind of a dream job for me) and I totally fucked it up because I'm a fuck wit idiot with no social skills.

Someone kick me in the ass, please.

just when you think things can't get worse

I got home late last night and found that my neighbor hadn't flushed the "brown water" (polite way of saying "shit") in the downstairs toilet. I love flushing other people's shit.

The valve is broken so now I'm going to have to call a plumber to fix it. I don't have time to fix it myself. Don't know when I'll do that since it's looking like I'll get no time off before my new job starts and I'm only home saturday for the next three weeks. I'm quitting my job on Tuesday...hope everything goes smoothly with my new job.

Anyway, I was talking to my friend Trina on the phone and looking out my bedroom door (there was a lot of lightning) when my neighbor's tree fell into my yard:

And then my neighbor on the other side (the asshole) came out and started yelling at ME. I was like "dude, that's not even MY tree!" Dick.

The dick who owns the tree said he'll clean it up tomorrow. So I had to go out and saw branches for an hour so I can get out to my garage. The tree ripped out my cable. Good thing I don't have a tv. I have to leave again at 5 am tomorrow for a week long trip. That fucking tree better not be in my yard when I get home.

I hope my new cheyenne mock tree survives. I tried to cut off the tree branches that were crushing it. Both my butterfly bushes got crushed too.

my poor cheyenne mock orange bush

color me FUCKING PISSED OFF

Why do I live in a building with a bunch of idiots? Because I can't kill them.

Today the painters were supposed to start painting my building. I sent an email out to everyone with the schedule. My neighbor who was staying at my house said she would give the painter our house colors we picked. I left for Cali Sunday figuring everything was under control.

But of course, nothing goes as planned. The dick who lives next door to me decided he wants to do some brick work on his house. Though he's known FOR TWO MONTHS that painting would start this week he waited until FRIDAY to decide to get estimates. That threw off our schedule by three weeks and I'm not even convinced he's really going to get the work done. Meanwhile, he told the painters, who were doing prep work today, to go home which caused the painter to call me right in the middle of the class I'm teaching. Then dick face sent a bunch of shitty emails to me because apparently he didn't read any of the emails I sent him saying the prep work would start but the painting wouldn't until his brick work is done. My neighbor didn't get a chance to give the painter the colors and the guy on the other side of me didn't bother to answer my email asking him to do it until the painters left.

So I just spent another 45 minutes of my life that I'll never get back trying to straighten the whole mess out.

I'm so glad I'm quitting my job soon. Given the way this engagement is going and the shit with the building getting painted I might have a nervous breakdown. Not one goddamn person in the building is helping, and they are all making the job harder.

Maybe I should move.

please don't break my toilet

No good deed goes unpunished.

I let my neighbor stay in my house because she's in town and her house is rented out and she had nowhere to stay.

First she invited her daughter to stay at my place, meaning when I get home at late o'clock Friday I'll have to change the sheets on my bed.

Then I got this email this morning:

"The toilet downstairs wouldn't turn off, so I manually turned it off.  But now it won't come back on.  Is there a trick to turning the spigot? 

 

It's got brown water in it now.  Sorry.  I hope I can get it properly flushed before leaving."

 

I sent her an email back and told her to dump water into the toilet to manually flush it. I really don't want to get home to a bathroom smelling like "brown water".

 

Ech. All I have to do is leave home and shit (hee) breaks. 

On the bright side, I got an offer letter from my new company. The down side is I can't move forward until I take a drug test which I was supposed to take yesterday but I'm in the middle of nowhere California and the closest drug testing facility is in Los Angeles and they are only open from 9 - 3:30. Since I'm working all day I can't just leave and drive 4 hours to and from the testing lab. Will likely have to take the test next week in Florida. Hopefully I can talk a colleague with a car into driving me to and from the lab since I won't have a rental car.

the almost perfect man in my life

Today, while driving from Burbank to China Lake (144 miles) for a customer engagement I started thinking about how my GPS and I are finally in that relationship stage where we understand each other (it's only taken 2 years).

Sure, he's not the perfect man. For one thing, he's not even human. But in the past months the dude and I have been through some interesting adventures. When he's with me I don't feel like I'm on the road, by myself, with no one to help me.

As a typical guy, he does yell at me sometimes when I miss an exit or go the wrong way, saying "make a U-turn!" like a billion times a second until I turn around. And he occasionally lies (like when he says "please return to the road" and I'm driving on the road, or when he tells me to turn down a street that doesn't exist). I used to not trust him, and would also print out directions (my dad told me to do this, and it's probably a good idea). But now I just figure between my GPS and I we can figure out how to get from point a to point b. We're finally in that team phase of "performing".

I do play tricks on him, like when I name my destination a bad word so I can hear my GPS, who has a british accent, say "You are arriving at the ass palace*, on the left". It makes me laugh. I also love the way he mispronounces words like boulevard (he says "boo LEE verd").

Yesterday on the way back from hiking with Kevin I was talking about my sister, who is both highly intelligent and attractive. He said "guys don't mind geeks like you, it's the ones that are attractive AND intelligent that we don't trust".

Um, what?

I should figure out how to hack my GPS's software so he says "hello beautiful" every time I, hee, turn him on.


*the name for my company's building