I forget the legend of the croco-diamond

In February I started writing a prologue to a children's book I wrote called the colossal cringle crisp caper. I did that because I was advised by Jeff in my writer's group (of which I'm no longer a member) to do so.

I came up with an idea for a short croco-diamond story that would be the legend of why they are lucky (if the croco-diamond isn't lucky, so some "logical" people say, no one would put up with his shit...though I know a lot of people that put up with shit from other people so whatever). I then researched it to make sure the idea behind the legend I was writing would be scientifically accurate. I started writing the chapter and then, literally the next day, got side tracked.

Anyway, I just sat down minutes ago to finish writing the prologue and I can't fucking remember what my idea was. For fuck's sake. Maybe I should just start over...and yes, I did complete this book more than a year ago, and wrote a subsequent story about the croco-diamond for a friend's daughter, and still haven't done a fucking thing about getting it published. I did enter it into a contest but judging from the winners it was the wrong contest (a book about the "huggy momster" won - I almost fucking puked typing that).

Oh well. I'll think of something:

The Legend of the Croco-diamond

From The Legends of all the Creatures in all of The Worlds, by Baron Joseph von Noseworth-Socks and Dr. Mimsy A. Crumbles:

In the time of the time in question, which is much earlier than time is now, there existed a King Muckles-string who oversaw the kingdom of New Dunsley Clackyshire on the Sea (though in truth it was just close to the sea). And the King had a terrible problem.

There was a building central to the town where all the raincoats, back up raincoats, raincoats for future use, and previous raincoats which could no longer be worn were stored. It rains quite frequently in New Dunsley Clackyshire on the Sea. The building was called The Raincoat Keeper and, as it stored all the raincoats of all the times, it was stuffed full of raincoats. The building was a rather old, and, truth be told, wobbly.

In any case, one day the King had arranged a parade for all of the heavy things in the town. He was trying to promote fitness. So the townsfolk dutifully gathered up all of the heavy things and loaded them onto carts for the parade. There was a statue of a camelsaurus (the King was quite fond of dinosaurs) and Mr. Elmsberry’s fish tank which contained, among other rare species, a leafy dragon eel. Also in the parade was a giant sack of pennies that the elder Mrs. Fungalstinn had spent her life collecting, a model of a volcano used at birthday parties, a giant egg whisk made of solid metal that commemorated the mention of New Dunsley Clackyshire on the Sea in book nine of the poggly woggly adventure series, the local cat that ate all of the rats, and finally the De Confetti family’s collection of bricks.

The Parade of Heavy Things was meant to start at the edge of town, circle The Raincoat Keeper, and then proceed to the other edge of town. But as the Parade of Heavy Things began circling The Raincoat Keeper a terrible thing happened.

The building shuddered, sighed, and then all of the walls and the roof collapsed into a pile of dust as if the Raincoat Keeper had never existed. Raincoats began to blow around New Dunsley Clackyshire. People were seen walking down the street with red children’s raincoats stuck in their hair, yellow crossing guard’s raincoats plastered to briefcases, and blue fishermen’s raincoats caught on the bottom of shoes.

As New Dunsley Clackyshire is in a valley, the raincoats blew in a circle around the town. Pretty soon everything was covered with raincoats – the sidewalks, the houses, even the camelsaurus. If one saw it one would imagine it was just a giant coat rack and not an esteemed dinosaur. The people of the village picked up the rain coats but had no where to put them and, in any case, more blew in to take the place of the ones people picked up.

Around this time a Croco-diamond came to the village. He seemed out of breath as he arrived. One might have thought he had been running though Croco-diamonds aren’t normally known to hurry. He was dragging behind him what appeared to be a large corked bottle. Something grey and cloudlike was swirling around inside it.

“Greetings good people of the town of New Dunsley Clackyshire on the Sea! What a fine town you seem to have! I am amused by your decorations. Perhaps it is Raincoat Day? I do love holidays. Especially ones that last a week. Why just the other day I was telling King Ramsley of North Cuffsley…”

Just then a breeze picked up and blew a pink polka dot raincoat onto the Croco-diamond’s head.

“Well, I see I have now joined in your raincoat celebration. I thank you, the good people of New Dunsley Clackyshire on the…”

More raincoats landed on the Croco-diamond, sticking to the jewels on his spine and tangling around his finely manicured nails.