the hardest way to get a new vacuum

FH and I were going to go skiing today, but decided there wasn't enough good snow to not fuck up my new AT skis. And we were thinking to take out the dirt bikes (one of his friends lent me his dirt bike) but we decided to wait until tomorrow to go.

So instead of doing something "dangerous" we thought to do a hike at Roxborough. The park was so crowded that they had stopped letting people in (I'm happy for the park but sad for myself...I miss the old days of going there on the weekends and being practically the only one there). We headed to Mt. Falcon for a mellow hike.

We were about a mile from the car finishing our hike when I heard something that I thought was birds rustling in the bushes. Suddenly FH grabbed me and pushed me backward. I was like "I wonder what the fuck he's doing????" and then he said "RATTLESNAKE!"

I didn't see it at first reminding me of the old saying "if it was a snake it would have bitten you". Under the shadow of a bush not 2 feet from where we standing was a not very large but VERY aggressive rattlesnake. I was like "seriously fucker, there's snow on the ground!" Maybe that's why he was in such a bad mood. He lunged at us and then rattled like he was getting paid to make noise (maybe a stint on fox news next - hee). If it hadn't been for FH's superhuman reflexes I'm sure I would have gotten bitten.

what ever you cranky asspipe - go bite yourself and fuck off

Most of the snakes I've encountered in the wild (rattle or otherwise) back the fuck off once I back off. But this guy was standing his ground and biting at the air and generally being a cranky fuck for brains who wouldn't get off the trail. I was frozen but FH was calmly snapping pictures.

"What should we do?" I asked, thinking that if it was by myself I'd hike the long 5 miles back to the car rather than try to get past the snake. The trail was narrow with a steep drop off on the non-snake side. Plus, I didn't want to get bit and then have to hike a mile back to the car.

We talked about options and ended up with an idea to jump onto a boulder directly opposite the snake (with the idea that it couldn't bite us that high off the ground) and then to jump from the boulder to the trail, landing as far from the snake as possible. With my zombie knee I'm not really a jumper so I was like "hm". We decided I should go first in case something happened. It took me a minute or two to make the moves but we both managed to get past the snake.

When we got back to the car my hands were still shaking. But, I didn't hyperventilate or cry the way I used to do (guess I'm losing my fear of snakes even though experts have failed to give good advice - perhaps my middle east dream was correct).

I think FH felt really sorry for me because I've been asking him to get a new vacuum for the past month (his doesn't work as well as mine and I've been bringing mine over to his house). On the way home he said "Let's go get a new vacuum."

I've already vacuumed the house and the garage with it

Not happy about the snake encounter, but I'm very happy about the new vacuum!