olympic sports I'd like to see

I have been slacking off on my blog lately, but I assure you it's because I'm busy. In the next few days I'm going to upload some vids of skiing taken with the gopro (unfortunately my best wreck was not caught on film).

In the mean time, and in the spirit of the olympics, here are some new sports that I thought up that might be more interesting than some of the sports they currently have:

• Hockey, except the puck is actually a rabid chihuahua and the sticks are made out of beggin strips
• Figure skating, but with pumpkin seeds on the ice and the Russian mafia holding a member of your family who will be tortured if you fall
• Ski slope, but instead of fake jumps and rails you have to navigate around and jump over homeless people
• Skeleton, but you have to drink 3 shots of russian vodka first, and your helmet is made out of peeps and your sled is recycled cardboard
• Speed skating, but combined with ice fishing on a pond that doesn't have smooth ice and the crappies are jumping out of the holes
• Half pipe, but besides tricks you have to avoid the drones that your competitors are controlling
• Super G, but instead of gates you have to ski through a tunnel of live wires the whole way down
• Baby sitting a drunk Bode Miller while also having to listen to his wife Morgan give him advice

Go athletes!