Today I was surprised to find a little envelope in my stack of mail. It was from Abbi, whom I met at the San Fran airport a few weeks ago.
I can't believe I'm such a crackhead that I forgot to mention that Abbi is riding her bike cross country to raise money for Avenues, a shelter for homeless youth. If you check out the link for her trip you'll find a blog of her trip as well as information on where to make a donation. I've been enjoying her blog (and am envious, as I sit around working instead of having an adventure). Check it out, there's lots of great pictures. She even takes pictures of her food and biking injuries.
In any case, after I met her I made a donation to Avenues. The card she sent me was a thank you card. She's quit smoking (good, I'm next) and she wrote a really nice note about my donation.
I donate to a lot of charities, and it's always nice to get a hand written thank you with a personal note. Which she wrote in a campsite after riding all day.
If you have some spare change why not make a donation...
Friday, September 16, 2011
I can't make this incompetence up
I have to teach a makeup class for that class in August that went badly due to hardware and software issues.
You would think my company would take resolving the issues with the laptops seriously. The class starts next week and I'm still not sure the problem is fixed. Total nightmare.
These are excerpts from actual emails (I've bolded the really insane parts):
Me:
Can you follow up on the laptop problem or direct me to the person I need to talk to about what happened in the class with the laptops? We need to make sure the issue is resolved.
Training coordinator:
I have sent the notes you provided to our IT team, to investigate the issue surrounding the performance of the laptops. No news yet.
IT (4 days later):
The systems have 3gb of RAM and one processor so that should have worked.
I tested the image on four systems:
1. 3GB ram xp (used for class) - 1:04 min to boot to vm image
2. 3 GB ram xp (used for class) - 1:00 min to boot to vm image
3. 3.2 ram xp two processors - 51.5 sec to boot vm image
4. 4 GB ram two processors - Win7 - 30 sec to boot to vm image
Me:
Testing the image is critical to diagnosing whether the problem is the image or the hardware. Just testing the bootup time for the VMWare image doesn't address the problem.
IT (3 days later):
I could not test the VMWare image because I don't have the password.
Me:
The password is (blahblah). It was on the documentation sent with the VMWare image.
IT (2 days later):
I have done everything I have time to complete. I wish I had time to test the other performance issues but I have to start the builds for next week.
(basically, IT is going to build the machines without knowing if the problems are fixed - and all they did was time how long it took for the VMWare to boot up - adding the numbers, that means they did 5 minutes of testing).
Training developer:
Are the laptops still available or have they been reconfigured? If they are available, can we do one or two tests as suggested by Franki?
Training coordinator:
If you'd like to order one laptop (the same as used for the class) pre-configured with the image than an asset request can be arranged so that you can test it.
Me:
If you need me to do the testing you'll have to send the laptop to my hotel. I am currently on an engagement in Houston.
NOTE: Testing the laptops is NOT my job.
IT:
We can only ship a laptop to your residence.
Me:
I won't be home until a week before the new class and if there are problems that only gives us 2 days to fix them before you ship the new machines.
Training Developer:
You can send the laptop to me and I will test it.
(NOTE: testing IS the training developer's job)
Training Developer:
I received the Computer to test, but there is no VM image on it.... Please advice (sic).
IT:
I did not realize you needed the VMWare image. Only IT can access or download VMWare images.
Amazingly, with all these people involved, I still am not sure the problem is fixed. Next week may be a bad week...
You would think my company would take resolving the issues with the laptops seriously. The class starts next week and I'm still not sure the problem is fixed. Total nightmare.
These are excerpts from actual emails (I've bolded the really insane parts):
Me:
Can you follow up on the laptop problem or direct me to the person I need to talk to about what happened in the class with the laptops? We need to make sure the issue is resolved.
Training coordinator:
I have sent the notes you provided to our IT team, to investigate the issue surrounding the performance of the laptops. No news yet.
IT (4 days later):
The systems have 3gb of RAM and one processor so that should have worked.
I tested the image on four systems:
1. 3GB ram xp (used for class) - 1:04 min to boot to vm image
2. 3 GB ram xp (used for class) - 1:00 min to boot to vm image
3. 3.2 ram xp two processors - 51.5 sec to boot vm image
4. 4 GB ram two processors - Win7 - 30 sec to boot to vm image
Me:
Testing the image is critical to diagnosing whether the problem is the image or the hardware. Just testing the bootup time for the VMWare image doesn't address the problem.
IT (3 days later):
I could not test the VMWare image because I don't have the password.
Me:
The password is (blahblah). It was on the documentation sent with the VMWare image.
IT (2 days later):
I have done everything I have time to complete. I wish I had time to test the other performance issues but I have to start the builds for next week.
(basically, IT is going to build the machines without knowing if the problems are fixed - and all they did was time how long it took for the VMWare to boot up - adding the numbers, that means they did 5 minutes of testing).
Training developer:
Are the laptops still available or have they been reconfigured? If they are available, can we do one or two tests as suggested by Franki?
Training coordinator:
If you'd like to order one laptop (the same as used for the class) pre-configured with the image than an asset request can be arranged so that you can test it.
Me:
If you need me to do the testing you'll have to send the laptop to my hotel. I am currently on an engagement in Houston.
NOTE: Testing the laptops is NOT my job.
IT:
We can only ship a laptop to your residence.
Me:
I won't be home until a week before the new class and if there are problems that only gives us 2 days to fix them before you ship the new machines.
Training Developer:
You can send the laptop to me and I will test it.
(NOTE: testing IS the training developer's job)
Training Developer:
I received the Computer to test, but there is no VM image on it.... Please advice (sic).
IT:
I did not realize you needed the VMWare image. Only IT can access or download VMWare images.
Amazingly, with all these people involved, I still am not sure the problem is fixed. Next week may be a bad week...
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
on "artificial" intelligence
Yesterday my friend d sent me an xkcd comic. It gave me an idea for an iPhone app. I asked my brothers if the app would be feasible to create:
Bob wrote:
What you've developed could easily be implemented with a Bayesian tree. Some guy wrote a chess-playing email spam filter using this - the spam filter would reap through already played games looking for similar moves, pick the next move from a game that won, and reply with that move (in the form of a 'rejected email' notification) http://dbacl.sourceforge.net/spam_chess-1.html
I'm a fan of simply scrambling the orig message into anagrams (joe into EOJ) then truncating everything to 3 or 4 letters then injecting random punctuation. The sender will spend hours trying to figure out what the abbreviations mean. I get charged per text message (up to 130 chars), and I hate it when people send 'OMG, LOL! BOS @ CATS?'
(*nux users, check 'man strfry' and 'man atoi', other OS users will have to google it (be cautious, I once typed 'man find' into google at work and was a bit shocked at the results....))
Steve wrote:
All you need is a vacuum that watches twitter and Facebook conversations. Then matches against what the human says with the typical response on one or both of the real conversations. Maybe do some better filtering of the existing data. Shouldn't be too hard. Also sounds like something IBM would do...
Delusional people have existed throughout history, I don't know how much commercial appeal there is to codifying unproductive conversations. Before going too far, you may consider watching: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0805564/
Then d, who has a flair for the dramatic, and who can twist even the most mundane musings into a PhD thesis, wrote:
Packaging and marketing is always the tricky part, but I think the appeal of codified unproductive conversations is a fundamental part of our idea of what it is to be intelligent, and in fact human. Look at the history of the idea of robotics - at every stage of concept and development, the first thing their creators want to do is carry on an idiot conversation with their creations.
1. God creates man, attempts to have a conversation with his creation. Fails, and is forced to behavioral methods to get his messages across.
2. Türing posits a 'sufficient' test for humanity dependent only on discernable idiocy of conversation, commits suicide.
3. The first thing (after mortgage calculations) that programmers do with BASIC is create ELIZA, a therapist emulator that works exactly like the Twitter/Facebook vacuum cleaner you imagine. It generates better results in patients, on average, than actual flesh and blood therapists.
4. Phillip K. Dick thinks (and writes repeatedly) that it is impossible to differentiate human from robot lovers in anything but a negative sense, commits suicide.
4b. Women argue that it is very possible to differentiate human from robot lovers, and choose vibrators and television.
5. Ridley Scott makes a paranoid movie proving that robots are better actors than humans, many tech-oriented corporations suffer huge losses or go out of business (see "Blade Runner curse").
6. Cell phone companies boost their business exponentially by offering "unlimited evening and weekend minutes". Largest user groups are those with the least to say - teenagers, friends who see each other every day, and people standing in lineups.
7. Schizophrenics popularly fabricate someone to talk to, whether than person wants to listen to what they have to say or not. So do children with 'imaginary' friends. It's also why people have pets, in many cases, and why pets are recommended for seniors' mental health.
'nuff said. We're ready to talk to anything, robotic or not. And pay for it.
Bring the app...
The interesting, or sad thing, is that none of these responses had to do with my original app idea.
Intelligent conversation? Maybe. Interesting? I'll give it that.
Bob wrote:
What you've developed could easily be implemented with a Bayesian tree. Some guy wrote a chess-playing email spam filter using this - the spam filter would reap through already played games looking for similar moves, pick the next move from a game that won, and reply with that move (in the form of a 'rejected email' notification) http://dbacl.sourceforge.net/spam_chess-1.html
I'm a fan of simply scrambling the orig message into anagrams (joe into EOJ) then truncating everything to 3 or 4 letters then injecting random punctuation. The sender will spend hours trying to figure out what the abbreviations mean. I get charged per text message (up to 130 chars), and I hate it when people send 'OMG, LOL! BOS @ CATS?'
(*nux users, check 'man strfry' and 'man atoi', other OS users will have to google it (be cautious, I once typed 'man find' into google at work and was a bit shocked at the results....))
Steve wrote:
All you need is a vacuum that watches twitter and Facebook conversations. Then matches against what the human says with the typical response on one or both of the real conversations. Maybe do some better filtering of the existing data. Shouldn't be too hard. Also sounds like something IBM would do...
Delusional people have existed throughout history, I don't know how much commercial appeal there is to codifying unproductive conversations. Before going too far, you may consider watching: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0805564/
Then d, who has a flair for the dramatic, and who can twist even the most mundane musings into a PhD thesis, wrote:
Packaging and marketing is always the tricky part, but I think the appeal of codified unproductive conversations is a fundamental part of our idea of what it is to be intelligent, and in fact human. Look at the history of the idea of robotics - at every stage of concept and development, the first thing their creators want to do is carry on an idiot conversation with their creations.
1. God creates man, attempts to have a conversation with his creation. Fails, and is forced to behavioral methods to get his messages across.
2. Türing posits a 'sufficient' test for humanity dependent only on discernable idiocy of conversation, commits suicide.
3. The first thing (after mortgage calculations) that programmers do with BASIC is create ELIZA, a therapist emulator that works exactly like the Twitter/Facebook vacuum cleaner you imagine. It generates better results in patients, on average, than actual flesh and blood therapists.
4. Phillip K. Dick thinks (and writes repeatedly) that it is impossible to differentiate human from robot lovers in anything but a negative sense, commits suicide.
4b. Women argue that it is very possible to differentiate human from robot lovers, and choose vibrators and television.
5. Ridley Scott makes a paranoid movie proving that robots are better actors than humans, many tech-oriented corporations suffer huge losses or go out of business (see "Blade Runner curse").
6. Cell phone companies boost their business exponentially by offering "unlimited evening and weekend minutes". Largest user groups are those with the least to say - teenagers, friends who see each other every day, and people standing in lineups.
7. Schizophrenics popularly fabricate someone to talk to, whether than person wants to listen to what they have to say or not. So do children with 'imaginary' friends. It's also why people have pets, in many cases, and why pets are recommended for seniors' mental health.
'nuff said. We're ready to talk to anything, robotic or not. And pay for it.
Bring the app...
The interesting, or sad thing, is that none of these responses had to do with my original app idea.
Intelligent conversation? Maybe. Interesting? I'll give it that.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
500? too much?
When I first started using netflix the limit on the number of movies you could save was 300. I filled up my queue in less than a week. So I wrote to customer service asking if they could extend my queue to 500. Surprisingly, they did it.
I think netflix is the BEST thing ever. They are really service oriented too. They were kind enough to let me deactivate my account for 14 months (normally you can only deactivate for 6) when I was in the middle east. They always get my broken movies replaced in a few days. And occasionally (once every few months) they'll send more than my allotted movies.
So, I wonder if it would be pushing them to get them to make the queues support 600 saved movies. I can't add any more movies to my queue, but I need to. I even eliminated a few movies so I could get ones in my queue that I didn't want to forget about.
500 doesn't seem like too many movies.
I think netflix is the BEST thing ever. They are really service oriented too. They were kind enough to let me deactivate my account for 14 months (normally you can only deactivate for 6) when I was in the middle east. They always get my broken movies replaced in a few days. And occasionally (once every few months) they'll send more than my allotted movies.
So, I wonder if it would be pushing them to get them to make the queues support 600 saved movies. I can't add any more movies to my queue, but I need to. I even eliminated a few movies so I could get ones in my queue that I didn't want to forget about.
500 doesn't seem like too many movies.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
in case you thought I was making that story up
new cactus, new lights
 |
| Today I put in solar lights along my new path, put up the hummingbird feeder and the other kinds of birds feeder. I even weeded. It's nice to do something domestic after two straight weeks in Houston. |
 |
| I also got a new cactus to replace my old cactus, Ernie, who died. He's third from the right. His name is Dr. Pascal Pointworth. |
Monday, September 5, 2011
lost count of the body count
WARNING: this is a story about a dead person, do not read while you're eating or if you're sensitive
I don't know why, but I have a habit of seeing dead people, including a guy getting killed by a train and a homeless guy who died in my back alley. Maybe because of my zombie knee?
Today I worked all morning (actually, I worked all Saturday and Sunday, but, I'm stuck in Houston and there isn't much to do) and decided to take the afternoon off to go to the Houston Museum of Fine Arts and the sculpture gardens. I was going to walk there.
I got two blocks from my hotel when I encountered the below pictured body. I wasn't sure at first that he was dead so I yelled at him. No response. I looked at his hands and the tissue was somehow, hard to describe, waxy or settled in a way. Also, his position seemed rigid.
I went over to a tree, broke a stick off, and then poked the guy with it. Stiff as a board, no response. He was so dirty I was afraid to touch him.
So I called 911. A rude dispatcher asked me a bunch of questions. "Do you need an ambulance, fire engine, or police?" I was like "what ever you normally send for a dead body". And he was like "Ma'am, I NEED TO KNOW do you need an ambulance, fire engine, or police?" I was like "I guess send them all if you don't know because I don't know what I need."
I was transferred to the ambulance dispatcher. She made me spell the names of the street intersections (Bell, how hard is it to spell that?). Then she asked me what his race was. I couldn't see because he was laying on his face so I guessed and the woman started yelling at me for not being able to tell if he was hispanic or asian. She told me to roll him over but I said he was too dirty. Also, there was fluid leaking out from under his body. I didn't want to know where it was coming from.
She told me to ask him his name. I said "I'm pretty sure he can't answer because he's dead". She asked me to feel for a pulse but I couldn't bring myself to do it. This guy was REALLY dirty. She then advised me to wait with him until the cops came and to flag down the cops so they would know where I was (how hard could it be to find the fucking location? I gave them a street intersection and the name of the garage). I was supposed to start CPR on him, not give him fluids, and make sure he didn't take any medication. All of which I knew he wouldn't do, because he was dead.
So I was standing about 10 feet away from the body, smoking, when a guy came up to me pushing a guy in a wheel chair. Unbelievably, they were going to try to rob the guy. I started yelling at them but the wheel chair pusher was a lot bigger than me so I crossed the street after telling them the police were only moments away (which was a lie). The wheel chair pusher did something to the body and then I heard him yell out in disgust before pushing his friend away.
The ambulance showed up 30 minutes later. The guy got out and said "where is the victim?" I was like um, dude, RIGHT THERE. He put on some gloves and checked the guy's pulse. Dead.
So he and his partner pulled out a gurney and picked the guy up and dropped him in a heap on the gurney. I must have looked horrified because the driver said "don't worry, he's just homeless". The other guy said "if it makes you feel better pretend he's just sleeping". A fire truck showed up around that time and hosed down the area where the body was (there was vomit and other fluids all over the side walk). As the ambulance drove away the driver, I am NOT making this up, blew a kiss at me and said "thanks for calling baby". The other guy winked at me.
I decided, since I had spent so much time with the dead guy, to drive to the museum because it was going to close in 3 hours. It ended up being a wise choice because mapquest said it was only a 3 mile walk but in fact it was 5 miles.
I went to the sculpture garden first and saw this:
The second sculpture is almost exactly the position the dead guy was in.
I'm having a run of weirdness this month, imploding situations with people, bad travel karma, bad luck with my maids (how many more things can they break in my house), unusually angry customers (not at me, at my company - I just get to be the punching bag), and a general sense of unease about the 9/11 anniversary. I hope I don't have to fly that day.
And I hope my luck changes soon...
I don't know why, but I have a habit of seeing dead people, including a guy getting killed by a train and a homeless guy who died in my back alley. Maybe because of my zombie knee?
Today I worked all morning (actually, I worked all Saturday and Sunday, but, I'm stuck in Houston and there isn't much to do) and decided to take the afternoon off to go to the Houston Museum of Fine Arts and the sculpture gardens. I was going to walk there.
I got two blocks from my hotel when I encountered the below pictured body. I wasn't sure at first that he was dead so I yelled at him. No response. I looked at his hands and the tissue was somehow, hard to describe, waxy or settled in a way. Also, his position seemed rigid.
I went over to a tree, broke a stick off, and then poked the guy with it. Stiff as a board, no response. He was so dirty I was afraid to touch him.
I was transferred to the ambulance dispatcher. She made me spell the names of the street intersections (Bell, how hard is it to spell that?). Then she asked me what his race was. I couldn't see because he was laying on his face so I guessed and the woman started yelling at me for not being able to tell if he was hispanic or asian. She told me to roll him over but I said he was too dirty. Also, there was fluid leaking out from under his body. I didn't want to know where it was coming from.
She told me to ask him his name. I said "I'm pretty sure he can't answer because he's dead". She asked me to feel for a pulse but I couldn't bring myself to do it. This guy was REALLY dirty. She then advised me to wait with him until the cops came and to flag down the cops so they would know where I was (how hard could it be to find the fucking location? I gave them a street intersection and the name of the garage). I was supposed to start CPR on him, not give him fluids, and make sure he didn't take any medication. All of which I knew he wouldn't do, because he was dead.
So I was standing about 10 feet away from the body, smoking, when a guy came up to me pushing a guy in a wheel chair. Unbelievably, they were going to try to rob the guy. I started yelling at them but the wheel chair pusher was a lot bigger than me so I crossed the street after telling them the police were only moments away (which was a lie). The wheel chair pusher did something to the body and then I heard him yell out in disgust before pushing his friend away.
The ambulance showed up 30 minutes later. The guy got out and said "where is the victim?" I was like um, dude, RIGHT THERE. He put on some gloves and checked the guy's pulse. Dead.
So he and his partner pulled out a gurney and picked the guy up and dropped him in a heap on the gurney. I must have looked horrified because the driver said "don't worry, he's just homeless". The other guy said "if it makes you feel better pretend he's just sleeping". A fire truck showed up around that time and hosed down the area where the body was (there was vomit and other fluids all over the side walk). As the ambulance drove away the driver, I am NOT making this up, blew a kiss at me and said "thanks for calling baby". The other guy winked at me.
I decided, since I had spent so much time with the dead guy, to drive to the museum because it was going to close in 3 hours. It ended up being a wise choice because mapquest said it was only a 3 mile walk but in fact it was 5 miles.
I went to the sculpture garden first and saw this:
I'm having a run of weirdness this month, imploding situations with people, bad travel karma, bad luck with my maids (how many more things can they break in my house), unusually angry customers (not at me, at my company - I just get to be the punching bag), and a general sense of unease about the 9/11 anniversary. I hope I don't have to fly that day.
And I hope my luck changes soon...
Sunday, September 4, 2011
ass cast
Sometimes helping people backfires on me.
There's a woman in the office who's on crutches because she broke her ankle. The crutches were not adjusted correctly and so when she walked by my cube on Thursday I offered to fix them for her. She was really happy and kept thanking me.
The guy who's in charge of a major part of the business I'm consulting for came out of his office while that was going on and asked how I knew how to fix the crutches. I explained that I've spent over two years of my life on crutches. He asked why and I told him about my knee.
So he said "I'm having problems with my knee" and he walked into my cube and pulled his pant leg up. I immediately spotted swelling on the medial side of his knee and said "that looks like a tendon issue". I told him to see if the swollen area felt like a rubber band. He said he couldn't tell and asked me to feel it. So I did and decided he had damaged his PCL.
He went to the doctor's on Friday and it turns out I was right. In exchange, he said, for me helping him (I didn't actually do anything) he offered to make me a custom carbon fiber bike seat. Turns out he races bikes. I thought it was a nice thing to offer but told him it wasn't necessary. He said that he could make the seat for less than $15 (he has a company on the side and sells the seats on the web). All I had to do, he said, was let him make a clay cast of my ass, and then he would wrap it in carbon fiber and I would have a bike seat that weighs only 30 grams (most expensive seats weigh 150 grams).
I was like "um, no thanks" and he said "but it will be so much more comfortable" and I said "but I like being uncomfortable".
Hopefully he won't take that as permission to continue to bother me with weird offers like making an ass cast.
There's a woman in the office who's on crutches because she broke her ankle. The crutches were not adjusted correctly and so when she walked by my cube on Thursday I offered to fix them for her. She was really happy and kept thanking me.
The guy who's in charge of a major part of the business I'm consulting for came out of his office while that was going on and asked how I knew how to fix the crutches. I explained that I've spent over two years of my life on crutches. He asked why and I told him about my knee.
So he said "I'm having problems with my knee" and he walked into my cube and pulled his pant leg up. I immediately spotted swelling on the medial side of his knee and said "that looks like a tendon issue". I told him to see if the swollen area felt like a rubber band. He said he couldn't tell and asked me to feel it. So I did and decided he had damaged his PCL.
He went to the doctor's on Friday and it turns out I was right. In exchange, he said, for me helping him (I didn't actually do anything) he offered to make me a custom carbon fiber bike seat. Turns out he races bikes. I thought it was a nice thing to offer but told him it wasn't necessary. He said that he could make the seat for less than $15 (he has a company on the side and sells the seats on the web). All I had to do, he said, was let him make a clay cast of my ass, and then he would wrap it in carbon fiber and I would have a bike seat that weighs only 30 grams (most expensive seats weigh 150 grams).
I was like "um, no thanks" and he said "but it will be so much more comfortable" and I said "but I like being uncomfortable".
Hopefully he won't take that as permission to continue to bother me with weird offers like making an ass cast.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
my friend with the broken butt
The second week I was in Houston I was parking in a garage because my hotel was too far away to walk to the office. The garage gate guy was very impressed for some reason with my corporate credit card. Or maybe he just liked me. He would always try to chat me up as I was leaving, even if there were 5 cars behind me waiting to get out of the garage.
The last day I parked there (I found a hotel less than two miles from the office) I said goodbye to him and he came around the side of the car to shake my hand and I think he wanted to give me a hug. I was parked close to his booth, though, and couldn’t open the door. As he was squeezing by my car mirror to shake my hand it folded in and then snapped back right into his ass as he turned to get back in his booth. He started making these hilarious jokes about suing my company.
I walk by him in the evenings every day on my way home from work and I smile and say hi to him. I could tell he recognized me but wasn’t sure who I was (I never saw him in the garage while I was wearing sunglasses and when I walk by him I always have my shades on).
Today, however, I was walking past with 3 colleagues behind me because they park in that garage (even with my zombie knee I walk faster than most people run, with the exception of esolo of course). I smiled and said hi to him and suddenly a look of complete recognition crossed his face. He pointed at me and shouted “You broke my butt! I’m going to sue [my company]!” My colleagues stopped walking and stared as this guy started laughing and pointing to his ass all the while yelling “You broke my butt!”
Then a car pulled up to the gate and thankfully he went back inside his booth.
I wonder if I will have some explaining to do tomorrow at work.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
who wants the t-shirt?????
I was looking for a local grocery store in Houston, and happened upon this:
Who wants a t-shirt, if they have them?
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Abbi, again?
Weird week this has been...besides having an exceedingly charming and considerate customer, I got to SFO on time for my flight tonight.
Okay, that's not the weird part. I decided to smoke a cigarette since I got to the airport on time. A girl with a big box asked to borrow my lighter. I noticed the box had a bike. I asked what she was doing and she said she's riding her bike cross country. It turns out I'm reading a book called strange piece of paradise about a woman who did that with her friend and they ended up getting run over by a truck and then axed by a maniac guy. I mentioned a few words of caution because she's going it alone, and then asked if she had a headlamp. Sheepishly, she said no. I offered to give her the one I carry but she promised she would go to REI tomorrow and buy one.
She had told me her name, but I guess I do better when I see people's names written down. She handed me a card with her email as she left, and I told her I'd send her my phone number in case I'm home (I know, hah) and she runs into any problems when she gets to Colorado. I looked at the card and her name is Abbi.
About 4 years ago my dad, Clint, and I were driving from Montrose to Ouray when we happened on a girl with her pannier strap stuck in her chain. It was pitch dark and she didn't have a headlamp or tools to fix her bike. She was new to biking and had decided to ride her bike to college (from Montana to New Mexico). We loaded it in the back of Clint's truck and drove her to Ouray. Clint fixed her bike and lent her a headlamp (I thought he should have given it to her but he didn't). I grabbed all the food we had in the apartment that didn't require heating and filled her water bottles (she had no food or water) and we drove her to a camp site.
The next day we went up to the site to retrieve Clint's headlamp and found a note scrawled in red lipstick (????she brought lipstick, paper, but no pen or headlamp) thanking us and giving us her email address. I sent her a few emails to make sure she was safe but never heard back from her. I might have gotten the email wrong because lipstick is hard to read.
The thing is, her name was Abbi too.
I just sent the new Abbi an email to see if she might, coincidentally, be the old Abbi.
Mom, make sure you mention this to dad if you talk to him tomorrow. As soon as I find out I'll let you know!
Okay, that's not the weird part. I decided to smoke a cigarette since I got to the airport on time. A girl with a big box asked to borrow my lighter. I noticed the box had a bike. I asked what she was doing and she said she's riding her bike cross country. It turns out I'm reading a book called strange piece of paradise about a woman who did that with her friend and they ended up getting run over by a truck and then axed by a maniac guy. I mentioned a few words of caution because she's going it alone, and then asked if she had a headlamp. Sheepishly, she said no. I offered to give her the one I carry but she promised she would go to REI tomorrow and buy one.
She had told me her name, but I guess I do better when I see people's names written down. She handed me a card with her email as she left, and I told her I'd send her my phone number in case I'm home (I know, hah) and she runs into any problems when she gets to Colorado. I looked at the card and her name is Abbi.
About 4 years ago my dad, Clint, and I were driving from Montrose to Ouray when we happened on a girl with her pannier strap stuck in her chain. It was pitch dark and she didn't have a headlamp or tools to fix her bike. She was new to biking and had decided to ride her bike to college (from Montana to New Mexico). We loaded it in the back of Clint's truck and drove her to Ouray. Clint fixed her bike and lent her a headlamp (I thought he should have given it to her but he didn't). I grabbed all the food we had in the apartment that didn't require heating and filled her water bottles (she had no food or water) and we drove her to a camp site.
The next day we went up to the site to retrieve Clint's headlamp and found a note scrawled in red lipstick (????she brought lipstick, paper, but no pen or headlamp) thanking us and giving us her email address. I sent her a few emails to make sure she was safe but never heard back from her. I might have gotten the email wrong because lipstick is hard to read.
The thing is, her name was Abbi too.
I just sent the new Abbi an email to see if she might, coincidentally, be the old Abbi.
Mom, make sure you mention this to dad if you talk to him tomorrow. As soon as I find out I'll let you know!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
guess which country this happened in
Below are some scenarios that recently happened to me at work. Guess where I'm working.
Me: Um, it appears you've made some changes to the meta model without clearing them through the governance board.
Client: There is no governance board.
Me: In addition, you're using terms like "application component" in a non-standard way. We need to fix this.
Client: This meta model and its definition can't be changed, it's taken me a year to get it approved. I can't go back and ask for a change after spending so much time getting an approval.
Me: So there is a governance board that approved this?
Client: No.
Me: So can we go talk to the people who approved these changes and explain why we have to make more changes?
Client: I don't think they would be receptive to that.
Me: Can you tell me who the people are at least that approved this?
Client: Me.
Me: And you're the only approver.
Client: Yes
This happened in:
a. Kazakhstan
b. the Middle East
c. Texas
(as I'm stuffing my work badge into my backpack in the lobby of the client building leaving for the day today)
Security: Excuse me, you are violating a VERY IMPORTANT security policy that you must wear a badge at all times.
Me: But, I'm leaving (as I'm standing 2 feet from the door to the outside world)
Security: But you are in the building so you must wear your badge at all times
Me: But when I drop off my badge at the end of the week I'm allowed to walk through the lobby without it.
Security: Don't make me write you up for a security violation!
This happened in:
a. Kazakhstan
b. the Middle East
c. Texas
Client: I'm very upset. Your software stopped working last night!
Me: It just randomly stopped working?
Client: Yes.
Me: I find that very hard to believe. Maybe there was some kind of automatic update to your computer last night? Or you may have changed something?
Client: We do our updates manually. I didn't change anything. Your software is broken!
Me: Can you show me?
(I look at his computer and see the software is working except for some hyper links)
Me: The software is working, just the hyper links are broken. And I'm getting a message that the JDK was updated to a different version than you had previously installed.
Client: I updated that last night.
Me: But didn't we discuss yesterday afternoon not to do that upgrade because that JDK version is not supported? Don't you remember me sending you a link to the web page stating that?
Client: That's not the point. The point is the software isn't working.
This happened in:
a. Kazakhstan
b. the Middle East
c. Texas
Me: Um, it appears you've made some changes to the meta model without clearing them through the governance board.
Client: There is no governance board.
Me: In addition, you're using terms like "application component" in a non-standard way. We need to fix this.
Client: This meta model and its definition can't be changed, it's taken me a year to get it approved. I can't go back and ask for a change after spending so much time getting an approval.
Me: So there is a governance board that approved this?
Client: No.
Me: So can we go talk to the people who approved these changes and explain why we have to make more changes?
Client: I don't think they would be receptive to that.
Me: Can you tell me who the people are at least that approved this?
Client: Me.
Me: And you're the only approver.
Client: Yes
This happened in:
a. Kazakhstan
b. the Middle East
c. Texas
(as I'm stuffing my work badge into my backpack in the lobby of the client building leaving for the day today)
Security: Excuse me, you are violating a VERY IMPORTANT security policy that you must wear a badge at all times.
Me: But, I'm leaving (as I'm standing 2 feet from the door to the outside world)
Security: But you are in the building so you must wear your badge at all times
Me: But when I drop off my badge at the end of the week I'm allowed to walk through the lobby without it.
Security: Don't make me write you up for a security violation!
This happened in:
a. Kazakhstan
b. the Middle East
c. Texas
Client: I'm very upset. Your software stopped working last night!
Me: It just randomly stopped working?
Client: Yes.
Me: I find that very hard to believe. Maybe there was some kind of automatic update to your computer last night? Or you may have changed something?
Client: We do our updates manually. I didn't change anything. Your software is broken!
Me: Can you show me?
(I look at his computer and see the software is working except for some hyper links)
Me: The software is working, just the hyper links are broken. And I'm getting a message that the JDK was updated to a different version than you had previously installed.
Client: I updated that last night.
Me: But didn't we discuss yesterday afternoon not to do that upgrade because that JDK version is not supported? Don't you remember me sending you a link to the web page stating that?
Client: That's not the point. The point is the software isn't working.
This happened in:
a. Kazakhstan
b. the Middle East
c. Texas
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
my family and natural disasters
My sister, mom, and brother experienced the earthquake in Virginia. The emails (how a family of engineers deal with a crisis):
My sister Cat:
Pretty interesting, got hit by a book off a bookshelf but otherwise nothing happened from the stupid quake. Hope everyone fared well! Kind of interested to get home and see if anything fell/broke. All is well!
My dad:
Earthquake about 4 miles deep, not too far north of I-64 between Charlottesville and Richmond (south of Lake Anna)...Mary (my mom) said she felt it shake the house pretty good, but everything seems OK. And this weekend we'll get hit with a hurricane there! (maybe he's too excited about the hurricane - but my dad loves weather)
my sister:
Hurricane should be a non-event here. At least the hurricane would put out the fire in the great dismal swamp!!! (dismal swamp has been a big conversation in the family)
My brother Bob:
Unfortunately it stopped before I could get my phone out - I was going to try to use the accelerometers in it to measure the vibration (who's the biggest geek of all???). I even have just the perfect app that I wrote for measuring my car's acceleration.
Just got home, nothing seems out of place or disturbed, although Rocco (his cat) was uncharacteristically affectionate when I walked through the door.
It's comical to read about the overblown knee-jerk reaction of everyone (especially Congress). It simply wasn't that powerful.
A scare-mongering quote from washingtonpost.com:
OK, EVERYBODY PANIC :)
I'm not making this up, it's an actual headline.
OH GOD: The First Photo Of The DC Earthquake Devastation:
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2011-08-23/oh-god-the-first-photo-of-the-dc-earthquake-devastation/
my brother Steve:
Events like this and our upcoming Uranium Mining report should make it fairly interesting in the state. The real damage was to Verizon and ATT, I thought after 9/11 they had their system setup for events where everyone calls everyone from their phones. I never lost my data connection, but the voice and text were shot. One of our project directors sent me a text I will never get that reads, "Steve, what did you drop? The whole building is shaking."
my brother Bob:
Have you been fracking in Mineral, VA?
Thanks for writing my blog today sibs. You're funnier than I am :D
My sister Cat:
Pretty interesting, got hit by a book off a bookshelf but otherwise nothing happened from the stupid quake. Hope everyone fared well! Kind of interested to get home and see if anything fell/broke. All is well!
My dad:
Earthquake about 4 miles deep, not too far north of I-64 between Charlottesville and Richmond (south of Lake Anna)...Mary (my mom) said she felt it shake the house pretty good, but everything seems OK. And this weekend we'll get hit with a hurricane there! (maybe he's too excited about the hurricane - but my dad loves weather)
my sister:
Hurricane should be a non-event here. At least the hurricane would put out the fire in the great dismal swamp!!! (dismal swamp has been a big conversation in the family)
My brother Bob:
Unfortunately it stopped before I could get my phone out - I was going to try to use the accelerometers in it to measure the vibration (who's the biggest geek of all???). I even have just the perfect app that I wrote for measuring my car's acceleration.
Just got home, nothing seems out of place or disturbed, although Rocco (his cat) was uncharacteristically affectionate when I walked through the door.
It's comical to read about the overblown knee-jerk reaction of everyone (especially Congress). It simply wasn't that powerful.
A scare-mongering quote from washingtonpost.com:
Minutes after the quake, the director of the U.S. Geological Survey, Marcia McNutt — who watched objects falling from the shelves in her office — cautioned that the shaking might not be over.
“What the concern is, of course, is that this is a foreshock,” she said. “If it’s a foreshock, then the worst is yet to come.”
OK, EVERYBODY PANIC :)
I'm not making this up, it's an actual headline.
OH GOD: The First Photo Of The DC Earthquake Devastation:
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2011-08-23/oh-god-the-first-photo-of-the-dc-earthquake-devastation/
my brother Steve:
Events like this and our upcoming Uranium Mining report should make it fairly interesting in the state. The real damage was to Verizon and ATT, I thought after 9/11 they had their system setup for events where everyone calls everyone from their phones. I never lost my data connection, but the voice and text were shot. One of our project directors sent me a text I will never get that reads, "Steve, what did you drop? The whole building is shaking."
my brother Bob:
Have you been fracking in Mineral, VA?
Thanks for writing my blog today sibs. You're funnier than I am :D
Monday, August 22, 2011
worst nature walk ever
This weekend I hung out with my dad, who is doing really well with his chemo (he's barely lost any hair). We decided on Saturday to go for a walk so he could show me a nature trail in his neighborhood that he recently discovered. It turned out to be fraught with danger, and we barely escaped with our lives. Okay, slight exaggeration but actually it's not.
The trail was in the woods, the trail was damp, and it was overgrown in places. My snake sense was tingling like crazy so I was looking down at the trail to make sure one didn't sneak out of the undergrowth and bite me. I barely registered a family in front of us with three noisy girls ages 5 - 8. I almost bumped into my dad when he stopped, and I looked up, noticing the father of the girls was taking pictures. Oh, more boring pictures of trees I thought. Then my dad said "that's one hell of a snake".
I looked over to the area where the dad was pointing his camera and saw a HUGE black snake cruising along a cleared area. My brain was like "FUCK ME" but then I managed to suppress the urge to run. "You better get the fuck away from me RIGHT NOW!" I yelled at the snake (it was 10 feet away so technically not that close, but, how close is too close for a 5 foot black snake?).
The snake seemed to turn its head towards me so I made the meanest face I can, which is my serial murderer face. Surprisingly the snake high tailed it down a hole. It' looked like a corkscrew it was going down the hole so fast. I was like "you better run you fucker!" and my dad said "good job! you scared the snake!"
The annoying family in front of us was moving slow and my dad thought about passing them and then, thankfully, said "let's go up this other trail and look at the swimming pool". I didn't want to look at the pool, and wanted to pass the family instead, but I followed him. That diversion literally probably saved my life.
After we looked at the pool and the tennis courts, basketball court, and playground, we headed back into the woods to finish the nature trail. I heard shrieking coming from the girls farther down the trail. I said to my dad "that's weird, it sounds like something bad is happening and not like they're playing around". Seconds later the (I guessed to be) 6 year old girl came running towards us screaming, seriously, at the top of her lungs. "What the fuck?" I thought to myself.
She said "we were attacked! we were attacked!" I said "what do you mean?" and she showed me her arm which had 5 large welts on it. Apparently the family had been attacked by yellow jackets. The rest of the family (maybe they were idiots) were still standing in the area getting attacked. The 6 year old girl had run away.
I found more bites on her legs and back but she was so hysterical I couldn't do anything to help her. I asked where her parents were and she said "still back there!" No way was I going to go get them since I have an anaphylactic allergy to yellow jacket stings. I started yelling for the parents and then the 8 year old came up. Finally, after a few minutes, the mom came lumbering up with a toy poodle in her arms. I said "your daughter has been stung at least 10 times by yellow jackets - you need to get her out of here now!" Of course the dad and grandfather were still in the area of the yellow jackets.
We all started walking out of the woods. The 5 year old kept flipping out screaming about being in pain or getting stung again (she was right behind me and I was like oh god she is attracting bugs like crazy and they might get me). Finally we came to the trail divide and my dad and I decided to take the pool trail and walk home on the road. All the little girls were screaming and hysterical and we couldn't take it anymore.
We ran into them getting into their car as we circled around the trail on the road. The 5 year old was taking benedryll. The six year old and the father had been stung multiple times on the face (and other places). The mom had been stung on the ass. It was horrible. I don't know why they didn't run when the first yellow jacket hit the 5 year old.
As we headed back to the house I couldn't help feeling lucky that we didn't pass them. If I had been attacked by yellow jackets I might not be writing this. And I told my dad I'm not going into those woods again until it's fucking winter.
The trail was in the woods, the trail was damp, and it was overgrown in places. My snake sense was tingling like crazy so I was looking down at the trail to make sure one didn't sneak out of the undergrowth and bite me. I barely registered a family in front of us with three noisy girls ages 5 - 8. I almost bumped into my dad when he stopped, and I looked up, noticing the father of the girls was taking pictures. Oh, more boring pictures of trees I thought. Then my dad said "that's one hell of a snake".
I looked over to the area where the dad was pointing his camera and saw a HUGE black snake cruising along a cleared area. My brain was like "FUCK ME" but then I managed to suppress the urge to run. "You better get the fuck away from me RIGHT NOW!" I yelled at the snake (it was 10 feet away so technically not that close, but, how close is too close for a 5 foot black snake?).
The snake seemed to turn its head towards me so I made the meanest face I can, which is my serial murderer face. Surprisingly the snake high tailed it down a hole. It' looked like a corkscrew it was going down the hole so fast. I was like "you better run you fucker!" and my dad said "good job! you scared the snake!"
The annoying family in front of us was moving slow and my dad thought about passing them and then, thankfully, said "let's go up this other trail and look at the swimming pool". I didn't want to look at the pool, and wanted to pass the family instead, but I followed him. That diversion literally probably saved my life.
After we looked at the pool and the tennis courts, basketball court, and playground, we headed back into the woods to finish the nature trail. I heard shrieking coming from the girls farther down the trail. I said to my dad "that's weird, it sounds like something bad is happening and not like they're playing around". Seconds later the (I guessed to be) 6 year old girl came running towards us screaming, seriously, at the top of her lungs. "What the fuck?" I thought to myself.
She said "we were attacked! we were attacked!" I said "what do you mean?" and she showed me her arm which had 5 large welts on it. Apparently the family had been attacked by yellow jackets. The rest of the family (maybe they were idiots) were still standing in the area getting attacked. The 6 year old girl had run away.
I found more bites on her legs and back but she was so hysterical I couldn't do anything to help her. I asked where her parents were and she said "still back there!" No way was I going to go get them since I have an anaphylactic allergy to yellow jacket stings. I started yelling for the parents and then the 8 year old came up. Finally, after a few minutes, the mom came lumbering up with a toy poodle in her arms. I said "your daughter has been stung at least 10 times by yellow jackets - you need to get her out of here now!" Of course the dad and grandfather were still in the area of the yellow jackets.
We all started walking out of the woods. The 5 year old kept flipping out screaming about being in pain or getting stung again (she was right behind me and I was like oh god she is attracting bugs like crazy and they might get me). Finally we came to the trail divide and my dad and I decided to take the pool trail and walk home on the road. All the little girls were screaming and hysterical and we couldn't take it anymore.
We ran into them getting into their car as we circled around the trail on the road. The 5 year old was taking benedryll. The six year old and the father had been stung multiple times on the face (and other places). The mom had been stung on the ass. It was horrible. I don't know why they didn't run when the first yellow jacket hit the 5 year old.
As we headed back to the house I couldn't help feeling lucky that we didn't pass them. If I had been attacked by yellow jackets I might not be writing this. And I told my dad I'm not going into those woods again until it's fucking winter.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
now I'm a published author
One of my students came into class on Thursday and said "are you a marine biologist?" I was like, um, no. And he said "well that's weird, because yesterday I googled your name and the first result was someone with your name who wrote a book about marine biology, and it's not like you have a common name".
I thought for a minute and then said "wait, that must be this anthology that's publishing a story I wrote about great whites". The student looked at me for a second and then said "so, you forgot you wrote a book?" I had to explain to him that I had just written one story and that the anthology wasn't published yet. He asked how I came to write a story about great whites and when I said it was a hobby he just shook his head.
That caused some interest in the class so I showed them some pictures of great whites. Now three of the students want to go on vacation with me.
Here's the link to the anthology. Oddly, if my student hadn't googled me I would have never known there was already information about the book out there.
In other news Rock & Ice turned down my gimps on rock story because they said that it "didn't have a point". I guess I could rewrite it to be an inspirational story about amputees that keep climbing despite their injuries. But, I'm not going to do that. I have too much respect for the amputees.
I thought for a minute and then said "wait, that must be this anthology that's publishing a story I wrote about great whites". The student looked at me for a second and then said "so, you forgot you wrote a book?" I had to explain to him that I had just written one story and that the anthology wasn't published yet. He asked how I came to write a story about great whites and when I said it was a hobby he just shook his head.
That caused some interest in the class so I showed them some pictures of great whites. Now three of the students want to go on vacation with me.
Here's the link to the anthology. Oddly, if my student hadn't googled me I would have never known there was already information about the book out there.
In other news Rock & Ice turned down my gimps on rock story because they said that it "didn't have a point". I guess I could rewrite it to be an inspirational story about amputees that keep climbing despite their injuries. But, I'm not going to do that. I have too much respect for the amputees.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
I hope Agent Cooper is proud of me
The best manager I can think of is Agent Cooper from Twin Peaks. The guy has better people skills than I ever will, and I like his incorporation of his sixth sense in his work. Well, he was great until he was taken over by Bob.
Anyway, after an hour interview with the manager of security and then the director of security:
Director of Security: Can you confirm that the student who complained, er, had a, er, that there was a, er
Me: (no I did not check his pants) Um, ye...um, yeah, I can confirm the story is true
the offending security guard was moved off the front desk. My student was happy again (he thinks she was fired). Sure all the female admins are bitching about me. But, it keeps them from bitching about each other which is a lot more annoying. And despite major hardware problems with 10 of the 15 laptops my company provided for the class (my favorite laptop crashes every 20 minutes and I don't have a spare to replace it even though they are supposed to send 2 spares as a backup) my class is going well. Which is to say, the students aren't trying to kill me. And because of the let's just call it the "security snafu that caused my student to have an accident" we are getting breakfast and lunch brought in at the expense of my company tomorrow.
People get so excited about free food. I brought in a deli menu for people to look at so I could put in an order for lunch but everyone decided instead of individual sandwiches to get three dessert trays (which will contain, in total, 10 brownies, 30 cookies, 15 things called blondies what ever those are, 15 little cakes, 12 pastries with fruit, 30 marshmallows (????? they are strewn across the dessert tray - decoration?), and 12 "oreo crumbles" which are kind of like brownies with crushed oreos on the top and bottom with a cream cheese center). A woman from Vietnam in my class, who's finishing up her final round of ESL classes said "fuck sandwiches!" She then said she learned that from TV, not her ESL class.
I just need to survive tomorrow. I won't even go into the story about how the overhead projector mounted in the ceiling blew a bulb (literally blew, we had a power surge) this morning so on top of all the other issues I had to talk to slides and use the white board for 20 minutes while the "education coordinator" tried to find me a new projector. Two of my students took great pleasure in building a table to put the projector on since the room we're in comfortably fits only 10 people (and we're 16) and there was no place to put a non-ceiling mounted projector. They built the table out of cardboard boxes I pulled out of the trash, empty cans, some wads of white board paper and almost an entire roll of scotch tape. Sure, there was a replacement bulb for the projector but the "education coordinator" refused to give it to me since they had just replaced the bulb a few weeks ago and she thought it would be "a waste to put a new lightbulb in".
?!?!?!?!?!
I can't believe I have to teach this fucking class again, in the same building, in three weeks...
Anyway, after an hour interview with the manager of security and then the director of security:
Director of Security: Can you confirm that the student who complained, er, had a, er, that there was a, er
Me: (no I did not check his pants) Um, ye...um, yeah, I can confirm the story is true
the offending security guard was moved off the front desk. My student was happy again (he thinks she was fired). Sure all the female admins are bitching about me. But, it keeps them from bitching about each other which is a lot more annoying. And despite major hardware problems with 10 of the 15 laptops my company provided for the class (my favorite laptop crashes every 20 minutes and I don't have a spare to replace it even though they are supposed to send 2 spares as a backup) my class is going well. Which is to say, the students aren't trying to kill me. And because of the let's just call it the "security snafu that caused my student to have an accident" we are getting breakfast and lunch brought in at the expense of my company tomorrow.
People get so excited about free food. I brought in a deli menu for people to look at so I could put in an order for lunch but everyone decided instead of individual sandwiches to get three dessert trays (which will contain, in total, 10 brownies, 30 cookies, 15 things called blondies what ever those are, 15 little cakes, 12 pastries with fruit, 30 marshmallows (????? they are strewn across the dessert tray - decoration?), and 12 "oreo crumbles" which are kind of like brownies with crushed oreos on the top and bottom with a cream cheese center). A woman from Vietnam in my class, who's finishing up her final round of ESL classes said "fuck sandwiches!" She then said she learned that from TV, not her ESL class.
I just need to survive tomorrow. I won't even go into the story about how the overhead projector mounted in the ceiling blew a bulb (literally blew, we had a power surge) this morning so on top of all the other issues I had to talk to slides and use the white board for 20 minutes while the "education coordinator" tried to find me a new projector. Two of my students took great pleasure in building a table to put the projector on since the room we're in comfortably fits only 10 people (and we're 16) and there was no place to put a non-ceiling mounted projector. They built the table out of cardboard boxes I pulled out of the trash, empty cans, some wads of white board paper and almost an entire roll of scotch tape. Sure, there was a replacement bulb for the projector but the "education coordinator" refused to give it to me since they had just replaced the bulb a few weeks ago and she thought it would be "a waste to put a new lightbulb in".
?!?!?!?!?!
I can't believe I have to teach this fucking class again, in the same building, in three weeks...
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
what am I teaching - kindergarten???
This is a disturbing story. Maybe you shouldn't read it. Don't read it while you're eating.
Today I was teaching a huge class (15 students). They all had to go through building security which takes forever.
One student, who's had 2 classes with me, was at the end of the line and he had to poop. He's in his late 40s. Security wouldn't give him the combo for the bathroom til they checked him in. So, he pooped a little in his pants.
Luckily he had work out clothes in his car so he changed. No one needed to know. But he felt compelled to tell me in the hopes I might get the woman in security that wouldn't give him the code fired.
Ech. I don't get paid enough...
Today I was teaching a huge class (15 students). They all had to go through building security which takes forever.
One student, who's had 2 classes with me, was at the end of the line and he had to poop. He's in his late 40s. Security wouldn't give him the combo for the bathroom til they checked him in. So, he pooped a little in his pants.
Luckily he had work out clothes in his car so he changed. No one needed to know. But he felt compelled to tell me in the hopes I might get the woman in security that wouldn't give him the code fired.
Ech. I don't get paid enough...
Friday, August 12, 2011
jet set
I was talking to my friend Deanne the other day and she said she was jealous that I get to travel so much. Travel is not all it's cracked up to be...
Yesterday I was finishing up with my client at 3:30. I had to drive from San Ramon to SFO to catch a 6:50 flight. Oh, it will only take you an hour to get there my client said. You're going to be sitting around the airport. He wanted to talk to me more about his organization.
I sat there for 15 more minutes and then said I had to go. Clients always wait until I'm about to leave to decide they have something very important to tell me. These are the same clients that get pissed for having to pay extra charges when I miss my flight because they delay me.
I started driving on 580 and thought maybe my client was right. Even though I thought I had plenty of time I was speeding, thinking maybe I could grab a glass of wine before my plane took off.
Then traffic came literally to a screeching halt. By 5 PM I was still 24 miles from the airport, stopped dead on the highway. I hate being in those situations. Further, I had not had a chance to print my boarding pass so on top of having to return a car and get through security I had to print my boarding pass. I thought for sure I would miss my flight.
I managed to make it to car return by 6 PM. A train showed up right as I was arriving at the platform to go to the terminal but the fucking fuckwit in front of me wouldn't get out of the way on the escalator so I missed the train. It was 6:05. I knew if I missed my flight I'd be stuck at least overnight and that assumed that there were seats on a flight out. And I'm flying to Richmond tomorrow so I really needed to not be stuck in SF until Friday.
Finally I got to the terminal at 6:15, ran for security, and luckily the woman manning the line thought I was a stewardess and let me through the premium security line. You would think I'd have status on an airline with all my travels but they all expired while I was in the middle east and my company flies me on a different airline every week. It will take forever to get my status back.
The boarding was just finishing when I got to the gate and thankfully I was able to stow my bag before the bins got full. All I could imagine was a glass of red wine but the fucking plane was out. Note to people who don't travel much: airlines always run out of food and alcohol usually by the time they get to the 10th row. Don't plan your meals with the assumption there will be anything other than crappy snacks on the plane.
Got home at 11 PM last night and had to work on another project until 1 in the morning (they were doing a customer presentation today and waited until 4 PM PST to tell me they needed me to run some reports on their data - nice planning). Today I'm trying to get all my local errands done because I won't be back to Denver until September.
Ech. Life in the fast lane.
Yesterday I was finishing up with my client at 3:30. I had to drive from San Ramon to SFO to catch a 6:50 flight. Oh, it will only take you an hour to get there my client said. You're going to be sitting around the airport. He wanted to talk to me more about his organization.
I sat there for 15 more minutes and then said I had to go. Clients always wait until I'm about to leave to decide they have something very important to tell me. These are the same clients that get pissed for having to pay extra charges when I miss my flight because they delay me.
I started driving on 580 and thought maybe my client was right. Even though I thought I had plenty of time I was speeding, thinking maybe I could grab a glass of wine before my plane took off.
Then traffic came literally to a screeching halt. By 5 PM I was still 24 miles from the airport, stopped dead on the highway. I hate being in those situations. Further, I had not had a chance to print my boarding pass so on top of having to return a car and get through security I had to print my boarding pass. I thought for sure I would miss my flight.
I managed to make it to car return by 6 PM. A train showed up right as I was arriving at the platform to go to the terminal but the fucking fuckwit in front of me wouldn't get out of the way on the escalator so I missed the train. It was 6:05. I knew if I missed my flight I'd be stuck at least overnight and that assumed that there were seats on a flight out. And I'm flying to Richmond tomorrow so I really needed to not be stuck in SF until Friday.
Finally I got to the terminal at 6:15, ran for security, and luckily the woman manning the line thought I was a stewardess and let me through the premium security line. You would think I'd have status on an airline with all my travels but they all expired while I was in the middle east and my company flies me on a different airline every week. It will take forever to get my status back.
The boarding was just finishing when I got to the gate and thankfully I was able to stow my bag before the bins got full. All I could imagine was a glass of red wine but the fucking plane was out. Note to people who don't travel much: airlines always run out of food and alcohol usually by the time they get to the 10th row. Don't plan your meals with the assumption there will be anything other than crappy snacks on the plane.
Got home at 11 PM last night and had to work on another project until 1 in the morning (they were doing a customer presentation today and waited until 4 PM PST to tell me they needed me to run some reports on their data - nice planning). Today I'm trying to get all my local errands done because I won't be back to Denver until September.
Ech. Life in the fast lane.
Friday, August 5, 2011
stabbed
Today I went back to Dr. Crane to get an injection in my knee to add some lubrication and hopefully alleviate some of the pain.
I didn't know what to expect so I was pretty nervous this morning before the appointment. Dr. Crane was running late but he told this other doctor that was going to do the injection that he wanted to do it. I think he likes me as a patient. A nurse painted iodine all over the side of my knee and then said "I need to get Dr. Crane's bucket". That made me more nervous but it turns out it was just a square sort of bucket thing that had all the shit in it for the injection.
When Dr. Crane came in I gave him a status report of all the things I've done since I last saw him. He was pretty happy with my progress. I joked with him that it would be hard to find a place in my knee where he could insert the needle since it's all bone and he said "even if I hit a bad spot don't kick me because I'm in a very vulnerable position". I was sitting on the examination table with my legs dangling over the side - he was sitting right in front of my right foot with his legs spread so he could get leverage on my leg to get the needle in.
The initial poke of the needle wasn't bad. When he started to work it under my femur, that was terrible. I could feel it scraping on the bone like there was a snake in my leg. Then when he started injecting the stuff it felt like my knee cap was going to blow off. He told me to look at an x-ray he had brought in of a normal knee instead of watching him wiggle the needle under my knee cap but I didn't want to look at the good knee x-ray. That's like when I cook something from a cook book and the picture in the book looks great and my food looks like shit.
When he finally pulled the needle out (the most painful part, but maybe because it was the end) I thought I might be a little sore from the poke but other than that I was expecting instant pain relief. It turns out the injection can take up to 6 weeks to start working. Sometimes the pain is worse after the injection. Sometimes the injection doesn't help at all and sometimes it wears off before 6 months (shot on average provides relief for 6 months) but you can't get another one until the full 6 months have passed. He said to take it easy and not even ride my bike for a week. I was kind of surprised at that, but I was like "okay, I'll be good" and Dr. Crane said "that will be the day" and walked out.
I hopped off the examination table (stupid stupid stupid) and the second my right toe touched the floor the pain was so excruciating I thought I was going to throw up. I was like what the fuck did I do to myself???? Then I looked down at my knee and saw it was hugely swollen from the injection goo. I couldn't straighten my right knee fully so I limped out of the office and into the parking lot. I seriously could barely drive home.
Anyway, the goo should get itself settled in a week. Hopefully. Dr. Crane thinks I will see a big difference in the pain I'm experiencing, and hopefully I can ride my bike in three weeks when I get back to Denver from a trip odyssey where I will be flying to Williamsburg, driving to DC, then flying to Houston, then flying to San Fran, then flying back to Houston all in the space of 3 weeks. Ech.
I didn't know what to expect so I was pretty nervous this morning before the appointment. Dr. Crane was running late but he told this other doctor that was going to do the injection that he wanted to do it. I think he likes me as a patient. A nurse painted iodine all over the side of my knee and then said "I need to get Dr. Crane's bucket". That made me more nervous but it turns out it was just a square sort of bucket thing that had all the shit in it for the injection.
When Dr. Crane came in I gave him a status report of all the things I've done since I last saw him. He was pretty happy with my progress. I joked with him that it would be hard to find a place in my knee where he could insert the needle since it's all bone and he said "even if I hit a bad spot don't kick me because I'm in a very vulnerable position". I was sitting on the examination table with my legs dangling over the side - he was sitting right in front of my right foot with his legs spread so he could get leverage on my leg to get the needle in.
The initial poke of the needle wasn't bad. When he started to work it under my femur, that was terrible. I could feel it scraping on the bone like there was a snake in my leg. Then when he started injecting the stuff it felt like my knee cap was going to blow off. He told me to look at an x-ray he had brought in of a normal knee instead of watching him wiggle the needle under my knee cap but I didn't want to look at the good knee x-ray. That's like when I cook something from a cook book and the picture in the book looks great and my food looks like shit.
When he finally pulled the needle out (the most painful part, but maybe because it was the end) I thought I might be a little sore from the poke but other than that I was expecting instant pain relief. It turns out the injection can take up to 6 weeks to start working. Sometimes the pain is worse after the injection. Sometimes the injection doesn't help at all and sometimes it wears off before 6 months (shot on average provides relief for 6 months) but you can't get another one until the full 6 months have passed. He said to take it easy and not even ride my bike for a week. I was kind of surprised at that, but I was like "okay, I'll be good" and Dr. Crane said "that will be the day" and walked out.
I hopped off the examination table (stupid stupid stupid) and the second my right toe touched the floor the pain was so excruciating I thought I was going to throw up. I was like what the fuck did I do to myself???? Then I looked down at my knee and saw it was hugely swollen from the injection goo. I couldn't straighten my right knee fully so I limped out of the office and into the parking lot. I seriously could barely drive home.
Anyway, the goo should get itself settled in a week. Hopefully. Dr. Crane thinks I will see a big difference in the pain I'm experiencing, and hopefully I can ride my bike in three weeks when I get back to Denver from a trip odyssey where I will be flying to Williamsburg, driving to DC, then flying to Houston, then flying to San Fran, then flying back to Houston all in the space of 3 weeks. Ech.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
shot
Last night I had a dream that I was hanging out in this mansion like place somewhere in the suburbs. There was going to be a party and a male friend of mine (not sure who it was because I couldn't see his face - but he was someone I knew) was trying to help me pick out something to wear.
Then these two guys from the CIA showed up and started telling me about how they had given my male friend a shot so he would never get the flu again. They asked if I wanted a shot too and I said yes so they injected something into my back.
A few minutes later my friend came in and said "if those guys ask if you want a shot say no because they're testing a chemical that kills a person in a month". I was like oh fuck, they gave me the shot and my friend was like you're going to die.
Then the CIA guys came back and said "Oh, don't worry about the shot. It might not work. And it's easier because you'll never have to worry about catching up on your sleep again." I started trying to find a calendar in the house so I could figure out when I was going to die, but I kept traveling in time back to when I was 5 years old. I was standing in my old back yard, at the age of 5, in the rain, when I heard one of the guys say "time travel was not something we anticipated this drug could do." Then I started traveling through time so fast that I felt sick, like I was on a roller coaster. Then I felt a burning pain in my head and realized I was going to die.
Then I woke up.
Then these two guys from the CIA showed up and started telling me about how they had given my male friend a shot so he would never get the flu again. They asked if I wanted a shot too and I said yes so they injected something into my back.
A few minutes later my friend came in and said "if those guys ask if you want a shot say no because they're testing a chemical that kills a person in a month". I was like oh fuck, they gave me the shot and my friend was like you're going to die.
Then the CIA guys came back and said "Oh, don't worry about the shot. It might not work. And it's easier because you'll never have to worry about catching up on your sleep again." I started trying to find a calendar in the house so I could figure out when I was going to die, but I kept traveling in time back to when I was 5 years old. I was standing in my old back yard, at the age of 5, in the rain, when I heard one of the guys say "time travel was not something we anticipated this drug could do." Then I started traveling through time so fast that I felt sick, like I was on a roller coaster. Then I felt a burning pain in my head and realized I was going to die.
Then I woke up.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
